Funeral charges

[poppiesmom]

A sensitive topic ... My best friends mom passed away Sunday... I've literally just had funeral arrangements given to me... so txt my parents straight away to say i'd have to finish work at 14.00 thinking at least if i covered most of the day then it would help parent's out... I only work Wed to Friday...8 - 5pm One of my parents has just replied back saying she has no leave left so hopes i wont charge her after 2pm because she wont get paid.... I do have leave left so i'm thinking off saying ... right get stuffed you insensitive person... cover the day yourself... ( As i say... I'm so hurt to have that reaction... !!) Has anyone else had a similar experience????

Oops posted.

Was going to say that it might be a good opportunity to remind her that although you're off and not charging this time you do still have paid time off (as detailed in your contract?) to take this year.

Most CMs circulate details in advance of when they'll be off to prevent parents getting into this situation.

It must be so hard being a CM and balancing funerals :( they're always short notice, parents are relying on you and you can't ask a colleague to cover easily the same way you can in an office.

maybe she has booked leave for when you have two weeks leave... thats six days as you work 3 days per week, presuming you have told her when your leave is.
I don't think your attitude towards her is very nice though.. maybe you should both move on?
I wouldn't want to have someone looking after my child I didn't get along with.

I have to ask, why do you use so many ellipses? It makes it quite hard to follow what you're saying as it's very distracting.

sorry to hear about a person close to you passing away and yes no-one gets notice for that happening/funeral times

With regards to parent texting what she did - it may be seen as unprofessional that you just text to take time off at short notice (unless you normally communicate this way for leave) and what she replied may not have been meant in the context you are taking it - I to would want to know if I am paying for the time etc etc

Yes she has used all her leave but her leave may run Jan-dec and yours april-april (or her partners runs a different way), my husband and I have different systems at work so although he has used all his leave his starts again in Jan whereas mine runs til april.

However when you chose a cm for childcare you know you will have to cover their holidays, sickness, their childrens contagious sickness time and if you had gone sick this week she would have just had to cover - but perhaps could have had unpaid carers leave for sickness eventuality.

I suppose perhaps if this had been a face to face conversation some of the upset would have been removed in that you would have explained self she prob would have asked in a nice way whether you will still be charging for that time/knew anyone could cover.

wanting to tell a parent to get stuffed is not professional and she has every right to ask the question in the same way you have every right to go to the funeral but as not a close relative any business would say take as unpaid leave although as you are self employed you can put what you like in contract and maybe for future contracts these situations need writing in,

But the parent has no leave left = they don't have flexibility to be without that childcare.

If you were my CM, I'd have to take a day of emergency unpaid leave myself, & it would be a 'black mark' against me - so I'd have to lose money, run round setting work/organising cover & be aware the whole time that my boss was muttering about it.

& I definitely wouldn't be allowed leave (paid OR unpaid) myself for a funeral other than that of a close family member.

So I can imagine being a bit boot-faced if my CM put me in that situation!

Sorry - that sounds really unsympathetic. Just - she obviously doesn't grasp how important this funeral is to you, & you obviously don't grasp that you are rather dropping her in it...the two of you have your wires crossed!

Can you explain to her how important it is? & I definitely don't think you should charge her for the hours...unless you can agree to take the day as leave.

A variety of views as would be expected. As a childminder, I do not charge if service is not provided for whatever reason - I do not have paid leave for me in my contracts. However, I think it is very shortsighted of a parent to not keep back one or two days leave for unexpected situations (such as this) - what if they had a similar situation in their own lives, what would they do then?? Very many employers allow a small amount of leave to be carried forward into the next year - perhaps two days - I know my husband always does this so we have a bit of fallback in case the unexpected happens.

In summary, the parent should not pay when service is not available in this case, as the notice period for leave could not be applied but the parent has a duty to ensure they have some leave available even right up to the end of their leave year to cover for any eventualities.

Like we said upthread.. for many of us there is plenty of leave left but no option to take it at short notice unless a serious emergency.

Effectively childminding doesn't really work for me unless the c/m was flexible and able to work with this knowledge. Instead, I have a nanny/mothers help based around home just for my own child for this very reason.

There used to be parental leave available for 26 weeks, and emergency leave designed for exactly this kind of situation.
Of course, it is unpaid.

Has it been abolished now?

Very sorry to read of the circumstances on this thread xx

bonhomiee - "Instead, I have a nanny/mothers help based around home just for my own child for this very reason."

But surely you'd be in the same situation if someone in her family or close to her died and she wanted to attend the funeral? Or would she not be given time off?

Giving notice in this case is just ridiculous. Rarely do people get notice of a death and funeral of more than a few days and I would hope that people would be more understanding.

DH always keeps a few days of leave back for emergencies and I would have thought that was common amongst parents as often the unexpected does happen.

OP, I would either take the whole day as leave, work part of it but not charge for after the 2pm (still get paid up to then) and stop with the freebie favours.

I used to be a nanny and did lots of things that were not in my contract but then I worked for very reasonable and fair parents who also didn't stick rigidly to the contract once we had all started working together and we saw how well it worked.

nbee
yes of course I would give time off for a relatives funeral just as I would be allowed leave for urgent illness of myself or immediate family or compassionate leave for a funeral of immediate/ close family.

In this instance, funeral of a close friend then I personally wouldn't be allowed to leave work at short notice if it were my own friend, but would definitely try to come up with alternative childcare and would work together with my nanny... We are both v flexible when circumstances allow, but at the same time she knows I can't get leave at short notice. We would probably be able to arrange something together with after school club etc.

Sorry but you're way out of order. If you're not doing your job why should you get paid? If you want paying you should do your job. I realise its not something you can help, but expecting to be paid is very unreasonable.

Which, as I said, leaves you in the same position finding alternative care or having to take time off work yourself - whether it is a childminder or a nanny that is caring for your child.

lisaro so you don't expect holiday pay then?

I get holiday pay. I would also get compassionate leave for the funeral of a close relative. The differences are; I'm employed and not self employed, I most likely wouldn't be able to get any leave for the parent of a friend, no matter how close we were.

I couldn't not pay my CM, if I had one, as it would feel like I was punishing them for having a death in their circle.

nbee

As I also said.. I could not take that time off as emergency leave . I would be put in a difficult situation. I would do my best to arrange alternative childcare, and since I know how reliable a person she is and how she would not want to drop me in it,we would both be trying to help each other out. I would definitely give leave as she is so helpful and reliable normally. It would just be very awkward and may involve taking ds into work or example and finding a friendly secretary for him to sit with... this would only work on non urgent days though. Friends would help out as a favour probably.

My points are

1. I'm not sure leave should be expected for this event.. I wouldn't be able to take it but would do my best to allow it for someone else.

2.Several people mentioned parents leaving leave free for such unforeseen circumstances... thats missing the point as those in certain jobs can't take short notice leave however much is left.

1. Its all about the individual circumstances and relationship and pre agreement with the childcarer.
2. The OP doesn't sound very understanding either .. she has responsibility to fulfill the days work she was supposed to do and should be a bit nicer and more professional about it although I appreciate she may be upset and stressed.

Poppiesmom, sorry to hear about your friends Mum.

If all this was going on by text, it perhaps felt more insenstive than it was?

Irrelevant, Lisaro. This isn't a payment issue. She's stated several times that she won't charge.

When I posted I could only reply to what was showing on my phone. That's what I did. At the time it was relevant.

And the title of the thread is 'Funeral Charges'. So it's fair to assume the charging or not was of some relevance.

poppiesmom
you say in your OP you could "take the whole day... " and you are only working until 2 pm to "help them out" but how long should you be giving as notice for this leave normally?
And you're not helping them out. you are letting them down, which is justifiable under the circumstances but still very inconvenient.. you don't seem to recognise this at all.

Bonhomiee are you a childminder / Nanny ???? if not why exactly are you doing using OUR threads???

Poppie - these threads don't belong exclusively to cm's and nannies. It is often useful to get views from people who use our services.

i have attended 4 funerals in the past 3 years, nan, uncle, dear friend/ex employer and my husband :( in each my employer sorted out cover usually with a few days notice , and yes I got paid each time - but difference is that im a nanny

the op isnt charging and as pumpkin said, all she wanted was a bit of sympathy from the mum - as childcarers we are human!!!

funerals are not expected in many cases, unless ill for a while, and as hard as it is for parents to take time off work, sometimes they have to in an emergency

what would this mum do if you rang her at 6/7am and said you are having a day off sick as been having S&D all night - she would have to find childcare within probably an hour or take a day off herself

or if her child had S&D and you would quite rightly refuse caring for her child as you have other children to consider

least you are giving notice

so sorry for your and dh loss, esp if like a mum to you both