I feel TERRIBLE because I have a mindee that I cannot bond with

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

and her behaviour drives me nuts. I have her Mondays only, 9 til 6. Her main predicament is that she finds it difficult to fall asleep so the result is that she is constantly shattered which makes her behaviour appalling.

The child is 3 and is put to bed at 7.30pm. Mum said on Mon when she was dropped off that she only fell asleep going on 10pm the night before. So she is exhausted and unable to control her outbursts or to take simple instructions. I have tried to get her to sleep here, but she jumps about in the travel cot if she is upstairs, and rolls around kicking and fighting sleep if she is downstairs. The result of this is every Monday afternoon is helllish because she screams and cries and performs due to be overtired.

I have been minding for some time now and I really have tried to get things to work for this child. But I feel that I cannot accommodate her properly because of her behaviour.

So, what do other CMs think? She has been with me for 6 months and sometimes has a sleep at mine, sometimes not. On the says she does not sleep it is HELL!

Help!

Oops. Sorry .

It's entirely normal for a child not to nap at three, neither of mine did. Tantrumming also normal, ditto running away.

But if the minder hasn't bonded, and the child hasn't bonded, I think it's right to end the contract.

I suppose that's true ... I guess I just feel a bit sorry for the child. Are her carers getting frustrated with her because they think she should be napping, when, infact, its quite normal not to nap at age 3+. Am just thinking aloud really.

I agree that not all children need a nap at aged 3. My concern is that the child is exhausted - so something is not working. I have suggested to the parents that all day time sleeps be stopped so that she can go to sleep earlier at night because she is not coping at all with falling asleep at 10pm.

It's not fair on the child that her behaviour is as it is due to exhaustion. And of course, it is just hideous for me and the rest of my little group.

Agree with JustFab, No child is the same, they are all so very different, reaching milestones etc at different rates.

DS1 was still having an afternoon nap right up till he started Reception class at 5.
Ds2 however dropped his afternoon nap at around 3 1/2ish.

It is not in fact a Monday that the child is with me. It is a Thursday. I am at my wits end and will be giving notice tonight.

I feel SO bad about it, but I am in a crap mood, really fed up, and the other kids are bearing the brunt of it. Not fair all round.

Hopefully you will feel relived afterwards, try to think of your own sanity and the fairness to everyone concerned.

Thank you, Xroads, you are right.

Mine were past a daily nap by 3 but if they were particularly tired or my OH who stayed at home with them, needed a break, he'd put them in the car and drive until they dropped off and then he'd pull in and have a sleep himself or take a flask of coffee and a paper and sit and have a read for a while :o

I had exactly the same a few years back, child was 3 at the time and allowed to go to bed whenever her mother decided to put her in so as a result she was a little brat all day in my care (and still is a brat apparently even though she is 5 according to her present childminder).

I had to give notice to her mum because she was not paying me n time, am sure I could have sorted her being a brat

Oh please don't call her a brat, mum2, and awful that her current cm is discussing a child in her care with you. Presume she has permission to disclose info?

Well, I did the deed and gave notice. Felt AWFUL because dad was so decent. Such a lovely family, but it just does not work. I tried for 3 months but it seemed to get worse and worse.

When my last lot of children go home (late night tonight) I will be having !

Parents want me to reconsider! I am going to wear DH's pants all day in the hope that I will Grow A Pair.

Oh my God, how selfish are they!!! They are obviously unable to sort other childcare but are willing to put their child with a CM who has stated that she doesn't feel the arrangement is working. It sounds to me like they would leave their child with anyone who would take him - poor little mite. That is no reflection on you, you have done the right thing by saying that you don't feel that you can give him what he needs just now without compromising your other mindees and not being able to accomodate him being so tired. They sound like arses. So sad

Stick to your guns, maybe offer to have him until they can find another CM or sort something out but have a time limit on it. But that would be final.

I would just reiterate that you have their childs best interests at heart and it is not fair on anyone to continue the arrangements when their child is not settled and happy.

I am going to wear DH's pants all day in the hope that I will Grow A Pair

That really made me laugh. Would it help if we all sent you a pair of our DH/DP's pants??

Really - stay strong. No reconsidering. She sounds like a handful and in all reality they aren't going to change their homelife so she settles better with you are they?!

Thing is, amck5700, the child IS happy and settled. But her behaviour, whether she has slept or not, causes me great difficulties. She loves coming to my setting.

I find it very difficult to deal with her screaming - she screams if she has to do something that she does not want to go (leave my home to go out), or to go to sleep, or once in her cot she screams til I go and see her, then she says she needs the loo, so off we go and when I ask if she has managed to wee, she screams at me. SCREAMS!!!!!! Clearly asking for the loo was just a delaying tactic.

Fuck it. I can't have her anymore. End of.

Thanks for all the advice and input, everyone. I really appreciate it.

she's not happy and settled if she is screaming all the time......and neither are you :)

No, I am not happy!