Au Pair Virgin needs help!

[scarymamma]

After 8 years as SAHM, going back to Uni to retrain. Both dd and ds are at school and youngest will be 7. I will be home by 5.30, 6pm latest, so thought AuPair is best option (hate our school's after school club - run by dissaffected teenagers and kids fed junk - marg and plastic bread sandwiches) Have already advertised our little family on Aupair-world.net and within 30 minutes have 6 replies!! What do I do now!

Should I contact more than one to draw up a short list?

What questions do I ask in the first instance?
Is £60pw the going rate? (we're 'up North' not London)
How do I check references?

What age is too young?
Aaahhh!!! Totally clueless how to start!
All advice from experienced hands greatly appreciated!

Thanks Majorca,
I've seen some of the threads from Uwila, MrsRecycle and Ameriscot but most of the advice was for when you were looking at one or two and had got past the initial selection stage -I've had over 20 responses in 2 hours!!!! I've emailed Uwila and asked for her questionnaire - she mentions it in a couple of the earlier discussions. Plus some of the discussions on going pay rates date from '04.
Anyway, thanks for your advice. I'll draft an initial email response for likely candidates incorporating your suggestions on local info, duties etc and make it clear that I'm looking at other people at this stage.
Wrt refs - they are mostly older teenagers (18 & 19) and straight out of school and taking a break before higher ed - so they don't have previous employers.

Describe the job in detail.
Agree pay, time off (if she has weekends free, say so, because au pairs are so exploited that she cant take that for granted).
Tell her about her living accommodation (own room?), availability of English classes, health insurance.
Have a general chat about her life.

Make up your mind about whether you can work with her or not. Anything else is a waste of time.

Realistically, you can't check references that matter (eg in her home country), and there are as many bad families as bad au pairs, anyway.

My approach is to go on my instincts, and then keep a closer eye on her than she realises, when she arrives. Eg, chat a lot with the children to find out what she is like when you arent there (dont question them directly, obviously). Also, invite her to feel free to use the computer whenever she wants, and then check up what websites she has visited, how long she has spent on it etc when she is not around.
If she is a reasonably normal person, and you don't ask her to do loads of housework, you should be OK. It is a lottery, but I dont think a rigorous selection routine shortens the odds.

Our biggest au pair disaster was a very nice girl, with a completely batty mother. Im not ready to relate that story on MN yet!

Thanks Nightynight and Majorca. Have just spent the last 2 hours responding to possible candidates. It will be interesting to see what responses I get back to my initial email and hopefully it will act as a first screening test (way too much choice otherwise!). I can then check out any refs I guess (if any reply to my email - I may have just scared them all off! Scary by name, scary by nature, so I'm told :o )
I can recommend Aupair-world.net - I couldn't believe the number of responses I got in one afternoon.
I hope my first Au Pair experience is as good as yours Majorca.
I think my email will have covered most of the subjects you mentioned Nightynight. If they're EU nationals will they need Health Insurance in the UK? I like the idea of checking up on website access when she's here. Well, keep your fingers crossed for me!

we also use AuPair world, it is very good.

tbh, I never bother with screening, I just respond to the answers as they come in. If I like the look of the person, I phone her straight away, and I take on the first good one I find.

There are few rules, but I never take anyone who says her hobby is riding. She will be so unlikely to get used to slumming it with us

not sure about hte health insurance, Ive only had au pairs in Germany and France. But I think you are right, they get it on E111, or by being resident. Must be on the dept of health website somewhere.

I've sent the questionaire now. I procedure I follow in hiring a nanny/ au pair is that I put up an ad. When potential canditates I respond I send the queestionaire and ask them to complet and return it with a copy of their CV and a current picture of themself. This givces me quite a lot of information to look over and i don't waste my time and their having long conversations and typing lengthy e-mails if I'm not interested in them. It also mean sI have written responses to compare.

I wouldn't hire an au pair or nanny who had never before been a live in au pair / nanny. I also wouldn't hire anyone who could produce at least three babysitting references with whom I could speak. (if the references didn't speak english I would settle for direct e-mail communication which I would then have translated)

My nanny is from Canada, and is covered by the NHS. Surely, anyone from the EU would also be covered. Not sure about people from countries who come in on an au pair visa. A quick phone call to the GP to see if she can register there should probably answer the question.

if you are not home till 6, then the majority of your childs time will be spent with the aupair. is that what you want?
money asides, is that satisfactory to you?

I can provide more advice/experience if you want to tell us more about the job. What are her duties? What are her hours? What things are importants to you? For example, some people will be interested in the au pairs ability to tutor at home work time, other may be happy for the kids just to get on with their homework themselves while the au pair cooks dinner. And if that is the case, think about cooking skills and knowlege of nutrition (my questionaire will tip you in this direction as I've had some bad nutrition experiences).

SM - you are a virgin - you actually remind me of myself when I first started out. My time was spent constantly writing emails to prospective candidates. So, with Uwila's assistance, I refined my process which has resulted in the successful recruitment of 2 wonderful APs since.

1. Using a "template" mail I give a bit of info about us, what we are looking for, when we need someone to start and attach the questionnaire that I ask them to complete.
2. Wait for the replies to start flooding in - NOT. It's surprising how many do not respond further.
3. Respond to any questionnaires by answering the questions I asked them, from our point of view. (Probably a series of emails if their English isn't too good.)
4. Compile a spreadsheet, summarising their suitability/rating/contact details and rate them as No 1 - 5 according to best match. This is where I get assertive and if there is something I'm not happy with, I'll tell them I'm not taking their application any further.
5. Once I have then found that No 1 that I am completely happy with, I start a series of telephone calls - speaking to their parents and their references (sorry I had a bad experience with written references so will only telephone - even if they have no prior childcare experience, I will speak to someone who can give them a personal reference). I will ever have 1 person that I interview/speak to.

You need to have a schedule if place and like Uwila says work out exactly what is required of them. This is the hardest bit. Initially my AP requirements were for exactly the same reason as yours. But they have evolved into someone who can enrich my DDs and our lives - a "Big Sister" so to speak.

The rate sounds about right for 25 hours plus 2 evenings a week babysitting. But you need to stipulate the total "package" eg - holidays/mobile phone/internet/english classes/travel/etc. Each host family differs here.

I don't think any age is too young - I had an 18 year old who was old beyond her years (and her references were able to confirm this). I would even consider a 17 year old as long as they have the maturity that is required. It really is down to personality of the applicant.

My questions are:

1. Why do you want to become an Au Pair?
2. Why do you want to come to London?
3. Do you have any friends/relatives in London or the UK?
4. If so, where do they live?
5. Have you looked after children before? If so what were their ages and were they boys or girls?
6. What was you favourite part of looking after them?
7. What aspect of children’s behaviour do you not like?
8. dd2 likes to say “No” a lot – how would you deal with this?
9. dd1 is very slow in everything she does – how would you encourage her to speed up?
10. What activities/pastimes have you done in the last month?
11. What do you plan to do in your spare time when you are with us?
12. Are your parents happy with your decision to become an Au Pair?
13. What pocket money are you expecting? (This will be for 25 hours a week plus 2 evenings a week babysitting.)
14. Do you have a bank account?
15. Do you have the funds for your flight to the UK?
16. Have you had any first aid training?
17. What food do you like?
18. What food do you not like?
19. What is your favourite meal?
20. We like our girls to eat healthily – do you know what this means?
21. dd2 is lactose intolerant – do you have any allergies yourself?
22. Do you have any phobias?
23. Describe your health in the past year.
24. What interested you to the role we are offering?
25. Are there any aspects of the role that you need further explanation on?

Bring on the guilt Stitch! :(

The questionnaire I sent out last night is acting as a good screening tool. Sent it out to over 12 candidates whose profile looked fine and have rcvd only 2 responses so far. If they don't reply, either their English isn't good enough or they can't be bothered and in either case, they're not right for us.
Uwila, I'm just sending out 1 proforma/template email with a questionnaire to each applicant - not writing to each one individually! I'm just a s-l-o-w typist!
On the after school care front, I really just want someone to baby sit them until I get back from Uni/School. Nutritionally, I'll be plannning their meals each week and getting the shopping, so, so long as she cooks what I've planned (and she doesn't burn the kitchen down/ruin the pans), then I'm happy:). Dd and ds get virtually no homework - and it's something we sit down and tackle together at the weekend. I'm hoping that I'll actually get home for 4.30pm most nights, so I'll get to spend a fair old amount of time with them post school (plus keep an eye on meals).

I will act on your advice re refs Uwila.
Thanks MrsRecycle - have added quite a few (in fact most!) of your questions onto my email questionnaire ( I'd only asked 6 questions!).

When you've chosen someone, what happens next? After I've spoken to their refs. Do I have them sign a contract? And even if they did sign a contract, is it in any way legally binding? I'm beginning to think I ought to have used an agency!

Have to admit to being a bit of a cow - I'm rejecting the very pretty or glamourous looking ones. Apart from the obvious reasons re:dh (who I trust completely but I don't want to be constantly comparing myself to someone slimmer/younger/prettier) PLUS I don't want legions of boyfriends sniffing around. (Have read and inwardly digested the list of 'house rules' for Nannies/Au Pairs, and will be using it). Has anyone else used 'too pretty' as grounds for rejection?

Oh, yes. My poor frying pan. I noticed last week that it looks like it's been to Hell and back. It USED to have a teflon coating. Pity, cause I'm not replacing the whole set of pans, and I can't stand for my pans not to all match. So we are going to live with the used to be teflon coated frying pan.

You are not alone in not wanting a beautiful au pair.

I "borrowed" my contract from an Agency and can send you a copy if you want. Don't know about legally binding but it's perfectly acceptable for UK Immigration to issue a Visa with (for non EU).

As "hirers" it's our perogative to reject the good looking ones! or accept the good looking male ones

Oh Uwila - I had the same argument with dh when he was cooking mum's day lunch and scraped the frying pan with a metal spoon. They just don't get it do they?

Oh, I'm suddenly very worried about my lovely new Le Creuset Wok....

I don't bother checking references - they are no guarantee of anything.

I get my au pairs from aupairworld. I've had a lot of success from there and it is cheap and easy to find an aupair.

I wait for aupairs to respond to my profile and then I will give them a yes or a no. I then wait for them to contact me. Usually, they send a chatty email, telling me about themselves and asking about our family and the job. I have a little webpage with more details, including local links, that I send them, and will add to it if I am asked a question I haven't thought of before.

The key thing, IMO, to decide up front is the age of the girl (eg at the younger end or at the older end of the au pair spectrum), the level of English that you require, specific skills like being able to drive, food issues, type of family background (ie number of siblings). Then you can think about things like hobbies and ambitions - it is good for them to have something to occupy themselves with as being an au pair can be very lonely at times, especially if she is only working 25 hours a week. One of my best au pairs was a girl who loved running and practicing her violin - she never got bored.

YOu also need to come up with a list of hours and duties, so that there are no misunderstandings later. Money too. You should also decide how long you want her to stay - you get a lot more mileage out of an au pair when they are new, so think about getting a new one every school term rather than going for an indefinite one.

Dont worry, the ones who post honeypot photos are probably on the lookout for single dads.

Not all of them are offering to care just for the children you know!

This'll make you laugh. I put a pan of water on to boil yesterday for dd & ds's pasta, then went to check my emails for Au Pair replies. 30 minutes later I realised the pan had boiled dry and I ruined it!!!!!! The Au Pairs are burning my pans already, indirectly!!

MrsR - I couldn't cope with beefcake Au Pair - I'd feel obliged to 'make an effort' with my appearance EVERY day! :o. I was reading the thread the other day about Mums in tracksuits at school - well, somedays (fat ones usually) that's me.

I like the idea of waiting for them to contact me.

I've found one really good Au Pair. I'd sent her my pre Uwila/MrsR questionnaire (all of 6 questions ) and she answered them all PLUS sent me another questionnaire filled in with over 20 questions (undoubtedly sent to her by another (more organised/experienced) English family (hope it wasn't another MNer).

ScienceT - isn't it a bit of a faf having to get a new AP each term? I need an AP because I start a PGCE (2ndry Science) in Sept. Any advice on juggling teaching/AP/family gratefully rcvd!

The hobbies/interests point is vg. I will bear it in mind.

The web page idea sounds like a good one. How difficult is it to set up? Sounds like a job for dh. :o So far he's done zilch to help sort out child care!

SM - pmsl about the saucepan. I used to have a matching set but one seems to have gone awol and one has been burnt by AP when cooking popcorn - not realising we have a pop-corn machine!

That AP does sound very organised - grab her!! Mind you watch out she doesn't start organising your life for you. Why don't you ask her for advise on juggling teaching/AP/family?

No seriously, the way I handle it is to have a master schedule which lists a regular daily routine for Us; the AP; the Kids (okay a bit too regimented but it helps the handover to run smoothly). I always have a menu planner to hand, just to give them an idea of the meals the dds like. So my advise is Lists; Lists; Lists and start a routine, if you don't already have one!!

I also try and spend the first week showing them around. It will take time and there will be teething problems but as long as you are able to spare some time to help them, it always runs smoothly.

As for an AP every term - recruiting every year is a nightmare - I couldn't bear doing it three times a year - I take my hat off to you ScienceT.

MrsR - I NEED s.o. to organise my life. I keep telling dh that I want a wife too! :o
Your comment about schedules/lists made me chuckle. I've got lists and schedules pinned up all over the house. I have to do that 'cos no brains or memory left after 2 kids and 8 years at home! My lists are a standing joke with all my family and friends. I've just been told by ds & dd to get off the PC b4 my eyes go square!

I'd planned on her arriving a fortnight before I have to start at school, to give us all time to get to know each other, the kids to settle, her to settle and learn the routine. Is two weeks too long? (might give me just enough time to get replacement when I realise I've made a HUGE mistake!!)

Please can you send me a copy of your 'borrowed' (dd uses that euphamism too) contract MrsR?

Whenever my family visit they laugh as well. I used to be so disorganised! Two weeks is more than enough. If you find after a week that they do not know the basic routine (eg where the school is/what time the kids have to be at school) then that's the time to reconsider a back-up. It's only happened with the nightmare AP (sacked after 7 weeks). In fact this AP, I actually put aside a week to help her and the second day she told me I wasn't needed!! So I used the spare time to catch up on clearing out some rooms.

If you want to email me Mrs_Recyle at yahoo dot co dot uk I'll send you my contract.