How did you choose your Au Pair

[CountessDracula]

I have finally given in and said we can have and au pair - difficulties with dd being ill, dh's work going mad and general exhaustion have finally persuaded me that we should give it a go.

So what did you look for in yours

I have a preliminary shortlist (not spoken to them yet)

1. English, 21, looked after her much younger siblings for the past 2 years. The first line of her profile says "I am a christian" which tbh I find offputting, not because I don't like christians but to put it in the first line may imply fanaticism do you think? She sounds very nice and sensible.

1. A 22 yo hungarian girl who says that people say she is a responsible, tolerant ,open minded person who loves fun,children and the life. That sounds more like my cup of tea, she has worked in UK for a year and I think is still here so could interview her. She has worked in a nursery too.

what do you think?

What do you look for in an au pair?

Have lovely normal happy sounding hungarian girl coming round at 6pm for interview

aarrgghhh what shall I ask her?

Cd, I'm going to be abit frank here (all in the interest of helping you of course ), but you haven't answered the questions about what her duties will be. I hope this doen't mean that they aren't yet defined. Perhaps you are just keeping them to yourself (which is of course okay). But I'm just a bit worried that you haven't yet defined what she will be doing, and that could lay the ground work for assumptions and miscommunication on both parts.

Is this your first live-in help? I know your nanny is live out, has she always been?

Yes she has

I have clearly defined the duties in the advert, including times per day for everything

ie

2 hours per day picking up dd from nursery and entertaining her and giving her a snack (4 days per week)

2 hours per day cleaning (ie cleaning tidying hoovering ironing)

1 hour per day dogwalking

2 hours Saturday OR sunday morning (to give us a lie in)

1 or 2 nights a week babysitting

very occasional morning drop off to nursery if we both have early meetings (rare)

2 full days off a week

(If they want to do more hours then they can do washing, housekeeping etc.)

Was going to offer

own room with tv
use of internet outside working hours
all food
airfare home every 6 months
some help with english course money if they are taking one.

oh and could you be roger not frank pls

mmmm... can I suggest you defin her work in terms of duties she is to perform, and not how many hous she is to spend doing thenm. So, instead of saying you will spend 1 hour doing x and 2 hours doing y say you will work from hour a to hourb and in that time I expect you to complete x and y. I think you will both be happier if the duties are defined in terms of what is to be accomplishe rather than how long she should spend doing it.

Okay, so she does have some sole charge of DD. Deffo find out about her approach to discipline, what she cooks, etc. Oh, and TALK to her references (but you already know this as a nanny employer and successful business woman).

Oh, and I wouldn't offer the plane ticket home every six months, but I would add a DVD player to her room. And I'd probably let her haveinternet during work hours so long as it isn't abused.

Oh, and I wouldn't just help with the English course, but flip the whole bill. But, clarify that that means tuition and not all of her notebooks, pencils, etc.

oh yes defo

I want to police check her too.

I already have list for cleaner of her cleaning duties that is on fridge

Dogwalking is self explanatory! Would take her out with dog to show what to do. She has a dog of her own in Hungary so she will know anway

She is a graduate in nursery nursing and has worked in a nursery in Germany, is currently working voluntarily in a nursery in London I think so should be easy to reference. I would be explicit about what I want her to do with dd though in fact I don't mind if they just snuggle up and watch a video or something as she will have had plenty of stimulation all day. She isn#'t really into "activites" more into role play and she drives that a lot or acts stuff out with her toys so I think she can boss it a bit!

I would provide the food and do a weekly list for au pair. She wouldn't be expected to cook as dd has cooked lunch and light tea (sandwiches and fruit) at nursery. Often she just has some more fruit or a bowl of cereal or some cheese and biscuits for supper.

Oh oh.... have her iron a shirt tonight (possibly while DD is distracting her). You'd be surprised what people consider a good ironing job.

Yes agree re internet

Would get little tv/dvd integrated

NOW a dilemma

I have two possible rooms for her

1. Our spare room, big lovely room which she could have a sofa in as well as a bed, plenty of room for her

1. Our office - small room (still nice) but only room for single bed and wardrobe really. I could get a day bed (you know an iron one) so she could use as a sofa some of the time.

Do you think I should offer her either and see what she says, or offer her more cash if she has little one? Or just offer her little one?

I suspected you were much more organised than was revealed on the thread.

Do you want my list of questions (which admittedly are geared towards nanny not au pair)

she CAN'T be worse at ironing that me and dh!

I have your list thanks, copied it off another thread and have amended to my purposes.

dd will be here when she comes round hope she is not in poison mood

Also hope hungarian isn't total babe :(

How much time do you want her to spend in her room? Everyone is different. Some families like the au pair to be part of the family and hang out with them. Other like her to go to her room. I am of the first camp. DH is of the second camp. But, our nanny works 12 hours a day, and so she normally heads to her room after I get home. I think in our case it's a well deserved break.

The more comfortable her room is, the less likely she is to hang out with you after you get home.

Our nanny has the second largest bedroom, mostly because it has ens suite shower room (but has to share bathroom/toilet with kids).

Another thing I do, and this got me into trouble on nannyjob, but I'm going to say it again anyway because it may be of use to you: I challenge her on something, anything really. For example, if she says she thinks team sports are great for young girls development then you might say, "oh, not in our case. DD thrives more on role play and we are keen to promote that" Then watch her reaction. Does she say, oh if that's how you prefer it, then that is what I will do (preferable). Or does she proceed to tell you why in fact you are mistaken. I had a nanny who used to override my instruction. She meant well and thought she was doing what was best for DD, but it was in direct opposition to my instruction and it infuriated me. Just push her a little bit and see if she stand her ground.

Also, I did this with current nanny because I am a very straightforward person, and if she is unhappy I need her to speak up so we can deal with it. If nanny just says yes all the time but in fact is unhappy that isn't going to be a good thing. So I need a nanny that can stand her ground if I ask too much. Current nanny is Canadian and as you know I am American. Culturally it has been a very good fit.

Oh yes, I give a mobile and £30/month top up. Would probably still do this even if she was au pair, not nanny.

loads of expert advice from Uwila. Only thing I really disagree with is use of internet. I have found it is best to restrict it to out of working hours. We all know how easy it is to spend much longer than we intended on the internet.
My aupairs have the smallest room in the house - only because its the only one there is - unless they want to sleep in the shed.
None of mine have ever minded its smallness & they all seem to head off there for the evening unless they are going out, even though I have made it clear they are welcome to enjoy my charming & fascinating company of an evening should they so wish!!!
Hope all goes well & you like the Hungarian.

Blimey, don't give a mobile either. All mine have had their own & I ask them to always have it switched on when they are looking after the children away from the house.

Sorry that should be "Blimey, I don't give a mobile either" - not "don't give a mobile", as that is entirely your decision!!!!

Why not give a mobile, Bugsy? Then you can expect her to always be available when you want. I do pay as you go (would never be liable for a contract) so it can only cost me £30 per month.

And you can get a pretty good phone on e-bay.

Lordy, I don't pay for their language school either. I simply couldn't afford to. I'm amazed my aupairs stay as long as they do - it's certainly not because of the perks!!!
Feel rather mean in comparison to lots of you on here.

To be honest Uwila, I have aupairs because there is pretty much no other option I can afford.
I give these girls a room in a nice house, in a respectable area of London. They get as much food as they can eat & to live and help out in a happy family. I pay pocket money for 40 hours help each week, but rarely ask for more than 35 hours and I am nice to them.
I cannot afford any of the added extras - I just don't have the cash. However, I've either been very lucky or they must like staying in my house as I have a relatively low turnover rate!