New au pair... it's not going great

[EleriG]

Our new AP arrived two weeks ago and it doesn't seem to be going very well. I thought initially it was me (been suffering from concussion since she arrived so not at my best) but now my youngest has said he hates her and wants her to leave.
I find her incredibly irritating - where ever I go in the house she follows me and talks non stop... last night after having spent 3 hours at the hospital getting a CT scan she started on at me before I had even got my coat off... mostly about me writing a cheque for her english course which I am really annoyed about. During her interview this was discussed and left as she would pay for it... the other night I went to bed early and she persuaded DP that we would pay for it which I feel is sneaky so now don't trust her.
That aside, she left the youngest (6) alone in house because he didn't want to go for a walk - she thought this would be ok as she left him her mobile number ??? and seemed surprised I said this was unacceptable. She makes no effort to do things he likes because she wants to do girlie things with my daughter. All this very worrying given she is a qualified teacher.
Tonight I have had my son sobbing which was then followed by AP sobbing. I know the adjustment can take time but previously have loved the APs and enjoyed their company. How long should I give it as I am worried my judgement is off due to bump to the head :-)

I am Swedish and I would be shocked if anyone if my friends back home told me they've left their 6yo alone!

In fact I've never heard of anyone doing it,
It's def not a typical Swedish habit...just plain stupid.

None of our au pairs - from Germany - seemed surprised to be told never to leave the children alone in the house!

However, because I am paranoid, I always do say: not leaving them alone means you cannot pop over to a neighbours for a chat, not just don't leave them alone while you are out for the day.

It's also important to set out rules about where the children can walk to alone - ie can they walk to a friends' house - esp if they regualrly see older children who might have different rules. When you're 20 the difference between a six year old and an eight year old might not seem so great although in reality they may be allowed to do quite different things.

My German friend's 7 year old walks to school - it's as far away as my DDs school from our house.

OP I agree this girl's judgement may overall not be great (and she sounds irritating too) but what I have learned is never assume they are thinking exactly like you about 'what's normal'

Our au pair last year initially used to leave the house with no keys and just pull the door shut behind her! (If I was with her.)

OUr safety list is now quite detailed. I just say to the APs: look, most of this will be common sense to you but we feel better saying it so it's clear what our expectaions are.

SOrry no keys BUT I was going on to work. NO keys, no phone, no money for emergencies, etc.

Cam girl sounds like that aupair of yours isn't going to work out - I wonder is she shouting a lot, or spanking? She's clearly frightening your kids somehow..
I'd get another one quickly

Having had years & years of au-pairs, I would also say that leaving a 6 year old alone is curtains - particularly given your DS doesn't even like her and she drives you mad.
I also second LadyHarriet's suggestion that rules need to be very clearly defined, so there is no ambiguity about the really big things. No leaving the children on their own ever & no physical punishment ever were right at the top of my list.