I'm finding my Au-Pair Annoying

[metrobaby]

.... and I'm not sure how to deal with it. He seems like a nice bloke and does everything he is supposed to, but he uses the same standard phrases over and over again. My dcs are never addressed to by name either - they are called "Honey/Sweetheart/Darling". His English is excellent.

I think the problem mainly comes when he is trying to encourage the children get ready for school or do something specific. He keeps saying "Come on" over and over again like a broken record. The dc end up ignoring him and they both get frustrated with each other. If the dc show him something they have done or achieved, it's simply met with "That's great". In fact nearly everything even I say to him is met with "That's great".

DH and I've tried to gently suggest and demonstrate that descriptive praise and trying to make a game out of requests really work with our dc. However he has chosen to ignore this and go back to barking out irritating commands.

His heart seems to be in the right place and he generally seems to have a nice attitude, so I'd really like some pointers how to make this work.

I understand your pain!

What nationality is he? And how long has he been with you? I would suggest an "appraisal" , well a meeting when children aren't around to discuss how things are going. And then I think you need to be directive. Gentle suggestions don't always get heard....stating, "I want you to call the DCs John and Jane and not honey etc" makes it absolutely clear.

But have the conversation now, and don't delay!

Good luck.

He's Polish and has only been with us 1 week

I have a male au pair from the Cezh republic and I feel your pain. Mine says very little to the children. Says Yes to everything I say, even when it is obvious he doesnt understand me.

Agree with Fed up. You need to be really direct about what you expect, oherwise he just wont get it.

Also, because English isnt his first language he can come across as quite rude, as they dont use please, thank you in quite the same way as us.

Mine doesnt speak very good english, but is too lazy to do language classes to improve. He told em our cleaner had left a not last week saying she could smell burning in the house - it was the hoover

I'm glad to hear at least I am not alone in the pain!

My AP is extremely polite - in fact another of his stock phrases is "Is that OK?"

You're both right, I do need to talk to him so will do so tonight. I'm thinking of passing him a copy of "How to Talk to Kids" also. His English is that good he would manage to read this.

He get's on your nerves and you need to have a sit-down meeting with him because he says 'come on' and 'is that ok'?!

I hope when you have your meeting you'll ask him what phrases you use/habits you have annoy him? Or are you one of those people who has no annoying habits whatsoever?

I'd also be speaking to your children about why they're being rude are ignoring him when he's asking them to 'come on'. Maybe if they did what they were told he wouldn't have to say it so many times?

I'd also like to know why your children aren't doing what they're asked to by an adult who's trying to get them out of the door, or whatever. I'd be scolding my children, not finding an EAL speaker irritating because of their choice of words.

I feel sorry for the chap tbh.

Poor guy !

But you're paying him to do a job so if you're not entirely happy then you should have a sit down. If he's only been there a week then an appraisal isn't really appropriate but you could suggest a sit down for both of you to dicuss how things are going and any concerns he may have too. And I'd be inclined to say that I was going to have a word with my children about not paying attention to him when he's asking him to do x,y or z and at the same time suggest he tries a different approach. Everyone's happy ?

Depending on the age of your children he should be using a more varied form of speach and also use their names if that is what you prefer. Children learn their way of communicating from the way the adults around them speak. I do agree a week isn't long! but all the more reason to talk to him now before you start to feel resentful.

Unfortunately aupairs are not always naturally good at childcare. He may find it frustrating that the children don't listen to him but you need to show him the best way to approach your children as all children are different and respond in different ways.

tell him to call your dc by their name, but for the rest of it, poor bloke - he says ok and come on and is polite and you are moaning about him?

obv he needs to get the attention and respect of your dc so that they listen to him, so maybe have a chat to them and say they need to listen to your au pair

How old are your children? I used to worry about my au pair not being able to get the children to do what he wanted. But I have realised that as teens they would run rings round any au pair.

Well i had a friendly chat with him and i'm pleased to say everything has worked out well. I took the fourfingeredkitkat'sapproach. He actually mentioned that although the dc are fine with him, getting to do the mundane things was difficult and he actually asked for suggestions. I gave a few pointers and he seemed geniunely appreciative. I also gave him a copy of how to talk to kids. He's just come up and told me that his mum recognised the polish version of the book, and said it was a good idea too. I've had a word with dc too.

Thanks for everyone,s suggestions. Ive had 6 APs in the past all who have been happy with our family but we've not had this situation before. As i said he's a nice bloke so i wanted to make this work.

Glad worked out well though my guide to talking to kids is mutual respect and then they do as they are told.

Didn't need a book.