badly behaved mindee, any advice?

[calmlychaotic]

I look after a 3.5 year old, I know kids are naughty and push boundaries etc and that's fine, I'm quite patient and very used to it! This one however I don't know what to do with. He ignores instructions, all of them. Ie can you pass me that please, he throws it in opposite direction or drops it on floor in front of me, ask him to stop at the side of the road and he jumps on and off kerb in and out of busy road, have to get hold of him or he'll be run over, massive overreaction you're hurting me. His behaviour is rubbing off on other kids all same age or younger who look up to him and copy him. He is aggressive with other kids, cannot be left for a second. Also when waiting and side of road, wasn't really road more track to beach but that's not the point he said to one of the little ones go on you can go so they ran across. Then denied it oven though I was right there and just said he was good for waiting and the little one should be in trouble. . Its a constant battle. Ihave tried reward charts but he is so much worse than other kids it didn't work. Threats, rewards for good behaviour, I make a big fuss when he does anything good, saying I will tell mum, actually telling mum got me nowhere, she says its just that he is so active. If isn't really, he is quite lazy insists on getting in buggy or will sit on floor and refuse to move. I am thinkin of giving notice but feel I am failing. Would welcome any advice.

Sorry about spelling etc am on phone!

I have a mindee a little like that. Not so much aggressive, but sneaky and lies. Tells the little ones to do naughty things. Also tries to take my belongings home and tells her mum 'xxxx said I could keep it'.

When this one is about, I do more structured activities at the table ie playdoh, crafts, etc.

Good luck. I find this child mentally exhausting as you have to be one step ahead all the time (follows in their family IYSWIM)!! ;-)

You need to work with the parents on this one, but if the parents don't support you then behaviour issues are one of the things you can terminate a contract immediately for. His behaviour is having an impact on the other children in your care - how would you have explained it to the other parent if something had happened when the little one ran out into the road? If he can't be managed he has to go.

I have had two similar experiences in the past, one little boy with challenging behaviour who was eventually diagnosed asd, the second a girl holiday mindee who thankfully finished with me a week before the end of the holidays due to a surprise getaway organised by mum (I was at the end of my tether with that one!) are you sure there's nothing else 'going on' with your mindee? If so I would say give notice as the stress really can be immense on yourself and your family to keep the child, it almost finished me off this holidays

its a bit weird, when his mum comes to collect him he run away and hides, although not every time sometimes he runs to her, so yes i think there is something going on, his parents are separated but recentl they have arrived together so maybe they are getting back together.. i dont know but yes he is mentally exhausting, other kids are copying his behaviour, my own little ds is a sweet little boy - well i would say that!! its heartbreaking when i ask him to do something now and he yells back 'no i wont' in the same voice as this mindee. and not just him other mindees copy too, he is one of the oldest.

actually surpised that you are saying give notice, relieved though because i think that is what i am going to have to do,i am going to give it another week, does any one have any good discipline ideas, or ways of coping with him. i tried naughty step (never had to use before) reward charts, removing toys.. if by next friday i'm not getting anywhere i'll give notice, i feel bad though, i do feel sorry for him, he is only 3.

I had a badly behaved mindee earlier this year (not the one I posted about earlier!!)

I was totally at my wits end. The days I had this one were awful. You know when you feel sick and dread work!?! I only had him for a few weeks. Fortunately, I had a genuine reason (excuse!!) to get rid of him, so I gave notice.

His behaviour was indescribable - felt so relieved when it was over. It isn't so bad if you can talk to the parents and they are on the same understanding as you.

Sounds like there is something going on at home that might be quite disturbing for him. The lying and getting the little ones to do things sounds very worrying to me. Also, sounds like mother is not aware/ not very good at managing behaviour if she attributes it all to him 'being active'.

I have no idea if this is appropriate for minder/ mindee relationship but you could ask the boy if anything is bothering him, ask him why he feels so angry/ combative etc, obv not in those words as presumably he wouldn't understand. Or is that over-stepping the mark, I don't know?

If he is so badly behaved that he is putting himself in danger and you potentially in a very dangerous situation and patents are hopeless at recognising the problem or refuse to deal with it then I would have given immediate notice sighting that I could not guarantee his safety.

It's all very well dealing with the usual problems of toddlers, that's expected, but there is a limit and working alone as most cms do then it's too much to expect to cope with any behaviour.

Where do I begin. I dealt with a little one who was very independent but with very little behviour boundaries. It was tough at times as I was dealing with biting etc.

To cut a long story short I let the parents know that if it continues I would consider terminating the contract.

Whatever behaviour you dealing with its how your supported by the parents. Are you being supported or not? If you are not then its time to get serious and let them know your concerns. You have to deal with this very seriously as it can have a big effect on the other kids, or someone can get hurt.

Some thing may be going on at home thats causing this behaviour.

One of the things that may have caused the naughty behaviour with the child I was dealing with could have been late nights and early rises.

Have you got a behaviour policy? if not you need one.

Your top priority is to keep the children safe!!

thanks very much to everyone for your replies, i really appreciate it, i was feeling really bad about this, like it was my fault and as i work in childcare i should be able to deal with this kind of issue but without parent support its just not possible. Anyway this mindee said my little boy was being too noisy and he hit him hard over the head and then tried to bash his head against the wall but i got there in time. My ds just turned 2 this mindee nearly 4. He has gone, and i have learned a valuable lesson. Despite it all I do feel sorry for him, i think there are problems at home but its not my job to deal with this and i have other childrens safety - and my sanity to worry about!

i do have a behaviour policy but i will be making some additions to it after this!

Totally op,, you arnt the parent and can't begin to tackle behaviour unless the parent is on board and half sensible.

Poor child but you totally made the right decision for your setting, sanity and family.

I certainly think you have done the right thing. He probably has got issues at home, but without parental support it is very exhausting and disrespectful.

Hopefully, your faith in Childminding will be restored now you can concentrate on the other mindees once again.