Feeling a little sad

[sadnanny]

I am a live in nanny for 1 child aged 4.6 and have cared for the child for 3 years. DC is a lovely kind, funny soul and I enjoy my time at work 98% of the time.

Tonight I have been babysitting and it appears re-enacting a supernanny episode.

My DC had an epic temper tantrum starting at 6.30 when they demanded I put on the tv culminating in falling asleep at 8.30 fully dressed mid tantrum.

The tantrum consisted of kicking, pinching, pushing me, trying to headbut me, kicking me in the stomach, yelling at me to leave (I am a live in nanny) that I am mean etc, etc.

I did the whole rapid return a'la supernanny but it was every 30 seconds for about 2 hours, when DC finally collapsed and went to bed.

Whilst DC has been known to have tantrums it has never been this bad, just the typical tantrums - it was almost like DC hated me.

Am dreading MB coming home; have written her a note detailing everything but :(

Sorry just had to vent.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Dc doesn't hate you at all.

They all do this but you acted sensibly and nipped it in the bud.
Never ever let a tantrum prevail or the child win.

Well done you and tomorriw is another day.

Oh don't feel sad. Children do this often and seem to know how to make it sting. Try to get a good sleep and I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

I spoke to MB when she came home and she was appalled and apologised to me; however DC acts like this for her - asked me what we should do etc.

I am sat in my room at work thinking I don't want to go to work today - I have never felt like this in my current job.

I have been up all night and am still currently in pain; back hurts where I had to continuously pick him up, my stomach hurts where it was kicked and my arms and legs have marks on them :(

Just listening to a normal morning outside my room thinking I really don't want to open the door and face whats happened.

I am not surprised you feel that way. I expect your confidence is very fragile today. You need to get out there and take charge. At 4.6 the child is old enough to remember exactly what happened last night. I suggest any treats planned today are cancelled with a very clear explanation of why. It sounds like you got into quite a battle last night, which wore you both down. Have a think later about how you may have distracted/ignored, and maybe had a better outcome. All children have tantrums, we can only change the way WE react to them. Good luck for today.

Poor you! It is so horrible when something like this happens, especially when you've been there a long time and it's so out of character.

I'd do as the previous poster suggested in cancelling any treats etc today and other than that just survive your next 12 hours or however long your day is.

Also when the parents come home perhaps you could request a sit down meeting in the next few days to come up with a constructive plan as to how to deal with the behaviour so that you can all be consistent, I know it's never easy and can feel uncomfortable but it sounds as though the child will only get worse if this is not sorted out. Lucky for the family that they currently have a nanny like you who obviously has the capability to get this straightened out!

My youngest is like this. Naughty step simply doesn't work. Punishments don't work either for my DD (not even huge ones - she lost the birthday party she had been planning for 5 months and didn't turn a hair about it and never mentioned it again). Reasoning also doesn't work. I get a flare up on average about 4 times a week.

There's a book called 'the strong willed child' or something like that which some people rave about, but their techniques haven't worked in my case. Might be worth checking out.

Things to console yourself with are:- (1) It isn't you. This is about the child not being able to deal with his own emotions, and (2) according to an ed psych I spoke to these outbursts are quite often limited to close family only because they are too unsure of the affection of others to ever 'lose it' around people they don't fully trust (my DD for example behaves like an angel with others). This good behaviour with others means they hold back all the emotional stuff and save it for the people they feel safest with. That he therefore trusts you enough to exhibit this behaviour is actually a compliment of sorts to you.

Try not to let it get to you. When my DD escalates to hitting that's when I shut her in her room and bolt the door. She will trash the room, but that's fine:- after half an hour she descends into a sodden mess that I can then talk to, and it's her belongings that get broken, nobody else's. And it means I don't (a) get battered, or (b) lose my temper. If it continues you might like to discuss that as an option with the mum.

I had a lighthearted moment at a camping festival when a mate of mine heard one of the kickoffs that happened in out tent. She paraphrased it for another friend the next morning... 'Then minisquiffy sat bolt upright, swivelled her head round 360 degrees and said "your mother sucks cocks in hell" whilst squiffy went off and made some cocoa'

Hi just wondered how you're getting on? Hope you got things sorted out!