Childcare by family

[NattyCraig]

Hello,

Bit of a tricky one here...

When I return to work it will be on a day less a week and shorter days which suits me well, means I get to spend an additional day with DS and generally just have a bit more me time.

I asked my mother if she would consider cutting her hours down to have him one day a week (she was overjoyed to be asked) and agreed immediately as they are fairly well off financially she was not bothered at losing money and said no when I offered a small amount for looking after him.

I want him in nursery at least 2 days a week so he can spend time around other children as I feel this will be beneficial...

Now the other day I can ask my dad (would be there when my mum has him anyway) or a friend, either would be reliable and happy to help... But can tell MIL wants me to ask her (she doesn't work). She keeps mentioning that she is capable of having him etc and babysitting but i'm just not keen... her husband is a very heavy smoker and smokes in their house so DS could not go there... both MIL and FIL stink of smoke constantly due to this... Neither drive so if they were late on a morning I would be too... They need to get two buses to get to ours... I find it really hard to even have a conversation with either of them in all honesty (and I am one of those who can talk to anyone) I worry they would just plonk him in front of the TV and not do much else with him all day.

I know they brought hubby up and did a fantastic job... He truly is an amazing bloke, helps out around the house... Caring, considerate, smart...

I feel terrible not asking them...

Should I just do it and hope for the best? What do I say for a reason not to though?

Don't want to upset anyone...

Simply say you don't want them to look after dc in their house as fil smokes and you thought it would be too much hassle for them to get 2 buses to yours early am so that you get to work on time

If they didn't smoke would you have the same issue? a bit of tv can be good. Lots of educational programmes on

To me sounds like mil would love to have a day to spend with her grandson and sure would take him to parks and m&t etc

I'd say thanks for the offer, and you'd love MIL to spend time with you on your day off but that you don't want to confuse the baby by having him/her cared for by another person/in another place (and in any case FIL's smoking would rule out having LO at hers). You can presumably pick her up to go on outings so that will save a difficult journey to yours.

Sorry - grandson is definitely a him!

You don't want your child cared for by someone who smells of smoke - babies associate smells with love and being cared for by someone who smells of cigarettes is one reason children of smokers so often grow up to be smokers. (As well as seeing them smoking etc).

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that you prefer the arrangements you've got in place.

Incidentally, babies don't really benefit from being around other babies. They're not interested in playing with them and just compete for attention with the key worker who's supposed to look after them. They do enjoy watching older children and learn a lot from them though so you may want to consider a childminder who will usually have a range of ages.

could you start him at a local (to your house) todddler group 1 day a week. say you'd like her to have him but she'd need to take him to the group and as its nearer to yours she may as well ho back there after?