Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Nanny issue - don't know what to think...

23 replies

Notcontent · 28/08/2012 20:56

After having a wonderful nanny for a few years, I had to employ someone new a few months ago. She is quite young and not terribly experienced, but she seemed ok. I have had a few reservations about her from the start. She is pretty reliable but sometimes seems to lack of common sense...

Anyway, after that long introduction (sorry!)... Dd is six. Tonight when I was helping her get ready for bed after her bath, I noticed her hair was full of sand. I was pretty annoyed, as we had to go back to the bathroom to wash it. So I asked dd if she had been playing with sand in the park. She said that she and someone she had met in the playground had been played a game involving throwing sand balls... That's absolutely fine but I wish her nanny had told me. So I said to dd, "oh, did X know that you were playing that game?". Dd said she didn't think so. So I asked her what the nanny was doing while they were in the park. Dd told me she was sitting down the whole time and reading a book.

I am not sure what to think. Very happy for her to read a book when she takes dd to an after school activity and has to wait, etc. But at six I think some supervision in a very large and crowded playground is still required? When I am paying for it? Ok I think to flick through a magazine, but to be so absorbed in a book that she had no idea what dd was doing? Or am I losing the plot...

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ssd · 28/08/2012 21:01

no you aren't

of course she should have been watching your dd, or walking around with her

thats a scary thought, the nanny engrossed in her book and your little dd wandering about herself in a busy playpark

I wouldnt be happy with this at all, I'd have a word and ask your dd what happened next time they are at the park

go with your gut, always, you know you're situation better than anyone

chandellina · 28/08/2012 21:03

I don't know, I'm a mum not a nanny but I don't take that much active supervision of my four year old in the playground. I don't expect his nanny to be by his side either. From what you've said, it could go either way - she might be ignoring your daughter in favour of a book all the time, or she might just not have noticed on this instance an inappropriate game being played. It doesn't seem enough to me on its own to raise concerns.

ssd · 28/08/2012 21:10

well I was a nanny for years and I was much more over cautious with other peoples kids!! am much more relaxed with my own, most ex nannies I know say the same

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/08/2012 21:12

Kids play in sand and goes everywhere - I even find myself covered in sand and not even in the sand pit lol

Surprised a hair wash didn't get sand out ??

At 6yrs I certainly don't follow them around at a park but I do keep them in my view at all times - reading a mag at a busy park isn't on but wouldn't have a problem doing same in the garden

Notcontent · 28/08/2012 21:15

Yes, I guess that's the thing - I sometimes flick through a newspaper or chat to someone, but keeping checking to see what she is doing/where she is as I have had a couple of scary times when I didn't know where she was. And if I was doing as a job I think I would be even more vigilant.

I guess I will have a chat to her...

OP posts:
IndigoCat · 28/08/2012 21:16

sounds like you're old nanny will be a hard act to follow. I wouldnt be too happy either, are the other concerns more or less of a worry?

GnocchiNineDoors · 28/08/2012 21:16

Op, what do you do when you take your dd to the park? I imagine when my dd is 6yo ill be mainly MNing or Kindling at the park, while she gets on with playing.

You do sound rather uptight.

Notcontent · 28/08/2012 21:18

Blondes - I didn't wash her hair in the bath - it was only after her bath that I realised she had about a bucket of sand in her hair!! That's what triggered the discussion with dd...

OP posts:
RandomMess · 28/08/2012 21:20

Yep at 6 they know not to wander out of the park and where you are if they need you. I think dc befriending other dc at the park is a life skill. So I would happily read, chat to others and visually check occasionaly on what my dc are up to.

McPhee · 28/08/2012 21:21

I think you're more narked at having to wash er hair personally, and just using the nanny as an excuse for your hump

McPhee · 28/08/2012 21:21

her

Notcontent · 28/08/2012 21:21

No, not uptight!! Just a little concerned that she wasn't actually doing her job!!!

OP posts:
ZakuroFujiwara · 28/08/2012 21:28

I have a 6 year old. I also have a nanny. I wouldn't be happy with this (the reading, not the sand in hair as such). I don't think it's an adequate level of supervision.

Even if you are being uptight that's not really the point...you are the employer, therefore, within reason, what you say goes.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/08/2012 21:38

Oic. I assumed the nanny bathed Not you :)

Maybe just say to her that in public places you would prefer that she didn't read a book so she can keep an eye on your dc as you are worried she may wander

Saying that I go to the park with my then 6yr and although don't take a book I will fiddle on iPhone and check emails / fb / mn while also sending a pic to mb and db of what we are doing as think it's nice for bosses to see what we do

Guess it's hard for you as you have had a good nanny and now have a younger one who needs direction

What other reservations do you have??

nbee84 · 28/08/2012 21:50

It's your dd and you have every right to be concerned. You are paying for her care and it's up to you what level of care you want for your child.

But, approach it gently -

Your nanny needs to know your expectations. Other views here go from letting their child get on with it as they don't need someone to hover over them, to watching their child carefully and knowing what is going on all the time. So unless you have communicated this with your nanny she does not know what level of supervision is appropriate/you require.

The nanny may well have only been reading for a little while - she may well have been glancing up often. I 'try' to read a book in soft play but often have to re-read the same page a few times as I'm keeping 'watch' and can't concentrate on what I have read.

A nanny friend's charge told their Mum (whilst friend was there) that nanny had been on her phone for ages and wouldn't play with them at the park. The actual story was that nanny had been playing with them for the 1st 45 mins in the park but was then trying to encourage them to play with some other children so she could sit down for a 5 minute breather - which was when she checked her phone and was nagged for the 50th push on the swings!

LynetteScavo · 28/08/2012 21:55

Is it just me who thinks throwing sand balls isn't OK? An eye full of sand really isn't nice.

RandomMess · 28/08/2012 21:58

Lynette my dc would know that through sand isn't acceptable!!! They all did before the age of 6 tbh.

janesun · 28/08/2012 22:35

I don't think what you've mentioned is enough to be worried about. You didn't see it yourself to know. Not to say your child is lying but a child's perception of things can often be different from reality. Nanny could have had a book with her that she was just flicking through while supervising.

In saying that, I wouldn't take a book to a park and if this is in addition to other more concrete 'evidence' that the nanny is not taking excellent care of your child then you should approach the nanny. You should always feel 100% comfortable with who you leave your child with.

Notcontent · 28/08/2012 22:51

Thanks ladies.
I shall raise it but in a very friendly manner, not making an issue of it.

OP posts:
Strix · 29/08/2012 08:16

Is it not possible that a six year olds description of "reading a book" could actually be nanny having a bit of a flick whilst also keeping an eye on DD who is happily playing in sand with new friend? I just think that you may have taken a bit of a leap when you said "so absorbed in a book that she had no idea what DD was doing".

I think you have bit more fact gathering to do.

HSMM · 29/08/2012 09:00

I was going to say the same as Strix. Get the other side of the story, because your nanny might have known exactly what was going on.

thebody · 29/08/2012 17:07

I detest hovering parents and wasn't one with my own kids but as a cm I did a lot more hovering as its someone else's kids..

Still agree with others that being engrossed in a book isn't the same as flicking through..

HolyOlympicNamechangeBatman · 29/08/2012 17:30

I agree with strix, you've made a massive leap between what your DD actually said and what you're now saying happened.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page