Do all cm's do cio at nap time?

[harassedandherbug]

I'm due to start back at work in just over 2weeks. Ds will be going to the cm I used for my dd.

I have prob been soft with ds (had a mmc, mc & conceived him in less than 4 months) and I am v protective of him but I have a real prob with him being left to CIO. He likes a cuddle until nearly asleep and then will go in cot with no probs. I've just tried to leave him to cry as he was shattered but he screamed for 10 mins until he was sick.

I'm so unhappy about this, and don't know what to do .

Can he come to you then?!

No they don't most child minders will talk to you about sleep patterns and routines... Do you have a cm lined up yet???

They shouldn't, I have been seeing cms and they have all said they would do what I wanted. However when I used a cm when my 5 year old DD was 4 months I gave instructions for the cm to rock her to sleep. I found out a few months later that she would just leave her upstairs to cry. I was devastated. She was a really good cm other then that, but that is the reason I won't be using her this time round.

Nope definitely not. My CM was absolutely lovely and when DS was 6-8 months she would let him fall asleep on her and then put him down. Go see lots of CMs and get a feel for one that has the ethos as you - I went into some CM houses and just knew there was no way I'd leave my baby there. When I went into my current one I relaxed knowing my DS would be well looked after.

My CM for DD1 and the crèche for DD2 don't/didn't do CIO. However they aren't as soft as me and will let them "complain" for a minute or two.

For example today DD2 (who is bf to sleep for naps with me) wasn't too keen on taking her naps. They put her down, let her try to settle herself for a few minutes (no more than about 3), went in & out to her, patted her on the back, gave her a cuddle, popped her in the pram, gave her another cuddle, at which point she fell asleep in the managers arms. DD1's CM would have done similar. (usually she's asleep before those first 3 minutes are up)

I don't ever expect them to be quite as soft as me, but equally I'd never expect them to leave her scream.

no way!

If a baby needs to be cuddled until they're sleepy, then they're cuddles until they're sleepy. CM like cuddles as much as the little ones

no

sometimes they might have to grumble for a min or two depending on who else is here before cuddles. A sling is great

some like a shuggle in the buggy in front of the washing machine (a bit of white noise) if they are not v keen on cuddles (one I looked after could not bear cuddle to sleep with me, this worked really well)

has the CM indicated that she practices CIO? or perhaps she's called it that but means shh pat comfort [hopeful face]

She hasn't actually said it, but its been hinted at. My dd is 6 and went to her at 5mths, but she was a different child ds.

We have a second settling in session tomorrow so will talk to her then.

She's also off on hols two weeks after ds starts (brilliant timing!) and her friend is covering and I want to make sure it's going to not happen there too. I appreciate that they can't be with him every second, neither can I, but CIO isn't acceptable to me...

I'm a childminder who would not do this. I was upfront with parents at initial interview and said that, although obviously I would try to work with whatever they wanted, I was not comfortable leaving small children to cry it out at nap time. I never left my own son to cry himself to sleep, and would find it very difficult to take this approach with anybody else's child.

I have spent hours trying to rock my 1 year old mindee to sleep, singing all sorts of lullabies. He hated the very sight of the travel cot his parents provided, and would cry if he saw it, so sometimes I would put him in a sling and carry him until he dropped off. He also slept in the pushchair sometimes (I know this is not ideal but if he was really tired I would walk round the streets with him until he slept.)

I'm a CM and certainly wouldn't do this. I've had some who were quite happy by themselves and some who wanted me there until they slept. DEFINITELY no CIO and not even CC.

What is CIO? I get that it's something to do with crying. Wish mumsnet HQ would update the acronyms list every once in a while for people like me!

CIO - Cry It Out (where you leave them to cry until they go to sleep)
CC - Controlled Crying (where you leave them to cry but go back at set intervals to reassure before leaving again - repeat until they go to sleep)

Yes, the difference is between repeated or ongoing abandonment!

I wouldn't leave a child to cry but I have a child at the moment who is breasted to sleep or walked in the buggy, with me she won't sleep I am having rock her in the car seat which can take ages for her to drop off. its difficult to manage because not all my children have naps so while I am rocking her what am I supposed to do with the others. its tempting to just leave her to cry but I can't bring myself to and she would wake up the other little one. basically it depends not just on the minder but their other children, talk to her, she won't want a child screaming anymore than you will. don't feel you have to use her though just because you did last time. a cm who has less children or just babies will be more able to spend the time rocking patting etc.