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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Things have moved on since this morning, different advice needed please

16 replies

Elouie · 15/08/2012 15:20

This morning I was looking at possible childminders / nannies, but since then, my mum has offered to take on the job (paid for obviously).

If we were to do this, what would I need to consider?

We've discussed that in a couple of years I won't need the same childcare as my youngest will be in school.

We've discussed what will happen on days that I work from home (or just want a child free day) as she would come here and do some housekeeping too.

We've started to discuss holidays, I don't know what the normal holiday requirement is for childminders / nannies.

What else do we need to consider?

OP posts:

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mistlethrush · 15/08/2012 15:23

Is she a registered childminder?

Do you want to use the childcare vouchers?

Original poster

Elouie · 15/08/2012 15:52

No she's not registered, so no childcare vouchers.

OP posts:

ZuleikaD · 15/08/2012 16:01

She won't need to be registered if it's purely an in-family arrangement. I'm a CM and I have two weeks at half rate as do the family I'm minding for, pro rata.

Original poster

Elouie · 15/08/2012 18:53

Do you mean I can use the childcare vouchers for an in family arrangement?

OP posts:

mistlethrush · 15/08/2012 18:54

I would presume that, as she's not registered you won't be able to - but someone else might be able to clarify.

ssd · 15/08/2012 18:56

no they need to be registered

TBH this sort of arrangement with paying ur mum sounds a nightmare whichever way you look at it

paying for childcare means no emotional ties, no awkwardness in discussions over whats expected, .....not what you'll get paying ur mum

Original poster

Elouie · 15/08/2012 20:05

Why a nightmare if everything is set out clear from the start?

She will be working for me, much like any families work together?

Is there something in particular that you think would cause the problem / problems?

I do want to ensure I've covered all the avenues and go into it knowing what the potential pitfalls could be so I am genuinely interested to know.

OP posts:

Redglow · 15/08/2012 20:57

It's much nicer to have your mum looking after your child than a stranger. I do not think you can use vouchers to pay family. I think it will work really well.

RandomMess · 15/08/2012 21:01

Urgh I wouldn't have family do childcare over and above 1 day per week, she won't be able to have a grandma role.

What happens if you don't agree on things, what happens if your mum wants to take more time off etc etc

ZuleikaD · 16/08/2012 07:36

You won't be able to use the vouchers for an in-family arrangement but then you also don't need to be registered and all the palaver that goes along with it.

vvviola · 16/08/2012 07:45

When DD1 was small my Mum made noises about looking after her. Even though we would be very similar in approach & I'd trust her 100%, I knocked the idea on the head pretty fast, for a couple of reasons:

I didn't want to get into a payment situation with her
there are a few things we don't agree on in relation to childrearing & while it's fine occasionally I wouldn't be comfortable on a daily basis.

But most importantly I wanted her to be a grandparent not a childminder.

It worked brilliantly in the end. Mum would often ring at work & ask could she collect DD early. Would bring her to the park or beach (and then have dinner ready for DH & I when we went to collect her )
She was also my backup, if DD was sick or if we were running late, Mum would step in.

Childcare cost us a small fortune but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Bossybritches22 · 16/08/2012 07:54

It's great if it works OP but having her as backup might be easier on you all or maybe use her 2 days a week & a CM/nursery for others?

That way if she is ill or needs a day off you have other backup as often once you are an eisitng client an adhoc day is possible. Also means your DC is going to somewhere already familiar.

Also don't underestimate how tiring it is for a GP having to childmind for an energetic youngster.My mum has been brilliant over the years with mine but admits in the younger days she was knackered with having them for more than a few days & she was/is a young & fit grandma!

HandMadeTail · 16/08/2012 08:05

If it doesn't work out for some reason, you won't easily be able to stop the arrangement, whereas for a childminder, you can give notice and move on.

If she's only looking after them for one day a week, it will give lots of lovely contact, but it won't matter so much if you disagree about anything.

What are you going to do when she disagrees with, say, your method of toilet training? A friend of mine's mum had her DS sitting on a potty from as soon as he could sit, and would tell him off if he didn't produce anything. Okay, my friend can successfully go to the loo, so it must've worked for her, but it wasn't her choice with how to proceed with her own DS!

Morph2 · 19/08/2012 21:33

My DS is 2.3 and my mum has looked after him since i went back to work when he was 10 months, 3 days a week.

I think she would have done it for nothing but she's not very well off and i didn't think it was really fair if i didn't pay her. I give her £20 a day and i just pay her the days she has him, so if she's on holiday/ i'm on holiday i don't pay. TBH she probably spends alot of what i give her on DS anyway as she takes him to her house so provides the food. She also buys him clothes, comics etc which works out well because she enjoys treating him and she wouldn't be able to if i didn't pay her, then it saves me spending as much on clothes.

We've not really disagreed on parenting but i'm fairly easy going and haven't dictated that she should do this or that.

DS has a really close relationship with his granny.

I would agree with Bossybritches comment re how tiring it is though. When DS realiabily slept for a couple of hours every afternoon mum had a nap at the same time. More recently he's stopping needed a nap every day. Mum is 61 and finds it exhausting if he doesn't nap. He's starting playschool in in sept for two of mums mornings so that will give her abit of a break. Decision to start him purely based on me wanting him to start playschool at this age not because i'm unhappy with childcare.

Gumby · 19/08/2012 21:38

Things to consider are:

Parenting styles
How much to pay
Whose house will dc be looked after in
What if you get pregnant again - will you stop paying her while your on maternity leave & expect her to have 2 children afterwards
Will she be comfortable taking them to mums & toddler groups, softplay etc

Tanith · 20/08/2012 06:53

One of the biggest problems is reliability.
You need to make it crystal clear to your mum that she cannot have time off as and when she feels like it, and she must give you adequate notice if she can't look after your child.

A lot of grandparents find this too restrictive and it can cause real resentment on both sides if Granny is either disappearing for holidays at a moment's notice, or continually taking time off because they have a mild illness, often caught from the grandchild.

When my MIL provided childcare many years ago it was a disaster: kept letting us know a few days before that she was off to Scotland for 2 weeks or so.

The parents who've tried splitting childcare between me and the grandparents have all been forced into changing their arrangement because of this problem.

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