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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Silly fear that DD would prefer cm to me!

9 replies

nm123 · 08/08/2012 22:23

DD (pfb) is 8 months and I'm trying to sort childcare for when I go back to work when she'll be 12/13 months. I'll be doing 3 days a week and she'll go to her grandparents for 1of those days, so need to sort the 2 days.

Until looking into it I'd always presumed DD would go to nursery. This is partly because I went to a cm as a kid and hated it, but also partly because I fear DD would "forget" who mummy is and maybe end up preferring them to me!!

I know this sounds silly but I wonder if anyone else has felt the same, or whether it's actually happened!?!

Whilst its only 2 days a week now that may well increase at some point and I want to think of DDs best interests rather than my own irrational fears!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HSMM · 08/08/2012 22:35

I am a CM. I'd like to think that the mindees think of me as a special person, but I am certainly not as special as their parents.

looneytune · 08/08/2012 22:38

Same as HSMM. 2 of my mindees (now 4 and 5) started with me at 8 weeks old and this soon became care Monday - Friday around 8am-6pm, as much as we're close and I'm a special 'person', I can guarantee that mum and dad are most definitely more special!! :)

RobinSucks · 08/08/2012 23:11

I've been a nanny for many years and no child has ever preferred me to their parent- and I tend to have sole charge 5 days a week, 12 hours a day, so for a couple of years some children have seen me for more waking hours than their parents! But they always know who they 'belong' to, they know who will be there for them when they wake in the night. I am, as others have said, a 'special person' but the parents are always, always more special. My most recent charge, I had her from age 3-4, says I 'borrow' her for the day and return her at night! Makes me smile.

Chocoholiday · 08/08/2012 23:24

This just won't happen. Once you get into the swing of thugs you'll just be glad to have found someone loving to look after your child. For young kids I think a good CM is much better than a nursery - we found that anyway.

Chocoholiday · 08/08/2012 23:25

Swing of things, doh

mamadoc · 08/08/2012 23:25

I have used a CM for both my DC from under 1 for 3 days a week. I was really happy that they both had/have a good bond with their CM as this was exactly what I wanted but they are not at all confused about who's mum. They call my CM by her name and keep mummy for me. They were both happy to go to her in the mornings and I know they have a lot of fun, get cuddles if they fall down and she is very proud of their achievements but in the end they throw themselves on me for a big cuddle at pick up time.
You should have a good look around, take up references and see what you think but I have to say that it is CM all the way for under age 2 or 3 for me. They need one consistent person at that age plus I think you get less sickness, often more flexibility and they are more a part of their community.

Original poster

nm123 · 09/08/2012 08:23

Thanks all.

I guess it's some weird guilt thing too - like I should be the one doing those things with my baby. I do want to go back to work and we'd struggle on OH's salary alone. I suppose 2 days a week isn't going to be horrific whatever setting we choose; but as I'm using annual leave accrued during maternity to take off 2 days per week, that's not going to last forever and I may need to increase my childcare which I then hate the thought of DD being with someone else more than she's with me.

Silly I know, but the control freak in me is really struggling with this.

I'll also be based at home so I also feel funny about being at home all day whilst DD is elsewhere!

OP posts:

forevergreek · 09/08/2012 08:52

She will be fine. 2 days with cm, one with grandparents and she will still be with you 4 full days plus the hours before and after childcare

Historically children have always been cared for by many people and we thrive in this environment

As a nanny I have look after many children from young and they all know who parents are and their role
Current charges I have had since newborn and a few years later we def have a close bond but they know know who is who and when parents are around it is they go to

minderjinx · 09/08/2012 13:06

It's not about the number of hours and minutes you spend together, it's about the quality of those times. If you try to see the hours you spend apart as a means to provide a secure and happy home in which you can relax and enjoy each other as a family, you may feel better about a few hours of separation, Plus of course you are giving your daughter variety in her routines, opportunities to meet other adults and children, experiences she would not have at your side the whole time. It's important to see it as a positive; she will mirror your emotions precisely because you have such a close bond.

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