Nanny and naptimes

[MintTeaForMe]

8 month old DS's new nanny started last week, and I have been working from home in order to show her the ropes. DS is a big boy, and has always wanted a good amount of daytime sleep, which luckily for us paves the way for good night time sleep too. But despite her assurances that she wants to continue DS's routine (he is a very routine-y baby, with predictable nap times during the day) whenever I have left her alone with DS, she has given him a shorter nap in the morning than he can cope with. The result is that he is generally more irritable, sleeps badly during his lunchtime nap, and is really cranky in the afternoons. I think his night time sleep is being affected too (waking up at 4.30am one night, for example, which he hasn't done since he was 3 months old). For the last few weeks she's just been coming in in the morning, so hasn't seen the consequences of shortening his nap, but it's really irritating me that she's unwilling to give him the morning sleep that he needs! Would it be out of order for me to say something AGAIN to her (I've tried not to labour the point up til now, just mentioning that what DS likes is an hour's nap in the morning, let's not change it as it's working for us at the moment etc etc). Or, for the sake of establishing a good relationship with her, do I bite my tongue and let DS continue to be under-slept??? Has anyone had to have a similar conversation with a new nanny, and how did you go about it? Subtlety isn't working for me at the moment.

FFS you are the mother and her emplyer. Tell her the baby sleeps X to X and if she is not willing to stick to that she needs to think about if this is the job for her.

Ex nanny btw.

Say something - there are always differences in routine between the best nanny and parent . She won't know if don't tell her.

You are the employer- if she is any kind of professional she will listen and carry out the routine you set. Why on earth isn't she giving him the sleep he needs, is she waking him up? As a nanny I have to say I cherish naptimes- it's when I get the wash on, tidy up, load the dishwasher etc.

When you say 'give him the sleep' do you mean she is changing it on purpose, waking him or putting him down too late, or is he unsettled due to being with a new person?

Is she putting him down late? Is she waking him up early? Is he waking up early himself as he knows something is different (ie someone other than Mummy is there)? Is she rushing to him as soon as she hears a sound whereas usually he'd make the odd noise until he wakes up fully after the hour?

If it's either of the 1st 2 then just tell her what you expect - you are in charge. If it's the 3rd or 4th one then it's not really the nannies fault but you could give her some tips on encouraging a longer sleep/not rushing to him as soon as he murmurs.

xposts with Robin - but I can see we are thinking along the same lines

JustFabulous and Gigondas, thanks for your replies. Yes, I have said to her that DS sleeps from X to X. This morning I think she rushed in after 40 minutes because she wanted to take him to a playgroup that is a half hour walk to from our house, and had she allowed him to sleep in longer they wouldn't have got there with enough time to make it worth the trip. She's been here during one of his lunchtime naps, and she was fine leaving him to fuss and cry to resettle himself then. TBH, it's just this morning nap - her preference for putting him in the pram for his first nap (he won't sleep in his pram, I have tried) so insisting that he is allowed to take it in his cot was our first issue. RobinSucks, she is putting him down late and waking him up early, so his sleep is suffering. DH did the evening feed 20 minutes ago, and he has been full on crying since then as he's over-tired....Anyway, thanks all for your replies, I think I have to lay down the law on this one.

Yes, in this case definitely lay down the law! She may not realise just how this, to her, little thing is affecting your day and night. To be honest if a playgroup doesn't fit with your child's schedule she shouldn't go- when he's older maybe, or find something closer! As a nanny I'd really want to know, I'd be mortified if I realised my actions were causing you stress! But then I'm all for naps, seriously I only wake children up if I have to!

Yes, definitely explain to her the knock on effect that disrupting his routine has on the rest of his (and your) day. She needs to work around your child's routines, not the other way around.

Do you think she may be wanting to go out more because you are at home? Some nannies prefer to work without the parents around and find it easier to create a bond with the child and they feel uncomfortable sitting around when the child naps if the parents are there. I'm quite happy being with the children when the parents are there but know that I feel like I should always be doing something if the children are asleep - I feel guilty sitting down with a coffee/tv even if I've done my nanny jobs. It may be that she has an established nanny circle of friends that go to these toddler groups so she wants to go for the social aspect - but this should not come above your wishes and your sons needs.

If you are back to work next week she may be happier staying at home while he sleeps - but it is something you are quite within your rights to insist upon. Your ds is likely to only need his morning nap for the next 2 or 3 months and will then start moving towards the one long nap after lunch so just tell her she will be able to resume toddler groups etc then.

If you want him to attend playground etc can you compromise and have am nap in buggy?

14 month has always had am nap in buggy mainly due to sibling 15 months older who would have activities. That way he can fall asleep at home and if still asleep can stay asleep in buggy whilst travelling from a to b.

Lunchtime nap in cot and just dony have plans until at least an hour after he should wake

Babies need enough sleep in day. So like I say have always done long lunchtime nap in cot but any others in buggy so if for whatever reason you/ nanny need to go out he can sleep on without waking

At 8 months for rough idea we would have min sleep times of roughly:
9am- 1hr
1pm -2hrs
4.30pm- 30 mins

Now at 14 months still have
9.40- 30-40 mins
1pm- 2

Sometimes sleeps longer

Just say he needs sleep from a to b- so any activities need to be after. Ie I wouldn't book a class for 9.30am for oldest even as youngest has to come with obviously so this wouldn't suit and therefore book later. Often put in buggy though and will sleep the time travelling on bus etc

You say your child won't sleep in a buggy - surely if walking 30mins then should

Obv you want and need your baby to have enough sleep so insist on an hour in am in their cot but on the day of the m&t to allow to sleep on
Buggy

Just tell her you want his routine followed and he needs to sleep for an hour in the morning.

As her employer you should absolutely say again but would you consider allowing her to try his nap in the buggy for a day or 2? I'm a nanny and every child I have ever looked after has been or become a very flexible sleeper (with full consent of parents) In my first job the dad said to me on the first day "dd2 will not ever sleep in the cot, don't even bother going near it when holding her as she will just cry" I asked if he's mind if I gave it a go anyway and 1st day of trying she slept in her cot. Current youngest charge no longer naps but when he did even on days out with his siblings I would say "nap time, love you, sleep tight" and he'd just close his eyes and go to sleep. Siblings told mum and she tried it too and he wouldn't sleep, just cried a lot even though I never got a single tear or complaint. Not saying your ds will necessarily be like this but maybe a compromise to let her try?

I wouldn't compromise, children sleep better in their beds. If his evening sleep is suffering en there's no reason to even think of a compromise.
Maybe your nanny is bored though, I'd have a look for an after sleep class she can do, rather than I playgroup.

Incidentally, mine liked Gymboree, baby sensory, monkey music at that age.

As employer and parent, you have the last say.
To maintain a good working relationship obviously be kind about it, but firm. He's your baby and what you say should go.
I discuss EVERYTHING with a parent first as ultimately its their opinion that counts. If you want DS to have a nap at certain times (and sounds like the routine works for him anyway!) then your nanny should respect that!

i disagree that children sleep better in beds - some sleep better in buggys /around noise etc

but its what works for the child/parent

im assuming she doesnt drive so your ds cant sleep for an hour then be driven to m&t?