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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Is my nanny's other mum taking advantage?

19 replies

arfissimo · 08/03/2006 23:09

My nanny used to work for me 5 days a week until I put DD into nursery for 2 days. When that happened she started to work for another mum for those 2 days.

It's an independent arrangement and not a nanny share. I pay my nanny hourly (at her request).

In the last couple of months the other mum has started to ask my nanny to do things for her on my days, like collect her DD from school at 3pm and then look after her until the mum gets home from work at 6pm. This now happens every week & she also calls for ad-hoc things like yesterday (my day) she asked if my nanny could pick up her 10 month old from nursery - she doesn't pay my nanny for this either & it also happens on my time. So I'm paying her to look after somebody else's children.

Now, of course, I don't mind helping out but it seems that she treats my nanny as hers even on the days she's not paying her (and I am!).

I don't know whether to just go with the flow and think, well it's nice that DD has a little playmate for a couple of hours, or think, well the mum should at least have had the courtesy to ask if I minded and she's getting lots of free childcare at my DD's expense.

I think really it's just the fact that a) she's not paying my nanny for her work & petrol costs and b) she didn't bother to ask if I minded (which really I don't tbh, mums need all the help they can get).

Mumsnet verdict?

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milge · 08/03/2006 23:11

The other mum is out of order, and so is the Nanny for saying yes to her. I would be furious if I found out my nanny was looking after someone else's child on my time, and would probably give her notice.

rickman · 08/03/2006 23:12

Well I have no experience of nannies, but I think the other mum is out of order. Why doesn't your nanny say no though, just tell her she is working for you on those days and it's not possible.

colditz · 08/03/2006 23:12

She is taking the piss. Tell your nanny that you expect when she is being paid by you, she is not looking after other people's children.

Then, if you want your daughter's friends to come to tea, you can say so, but for this mother to expect you to be happy about this is awful. She should not be asking the nanny, and the nanny should be professional enough to point blank refuse.

chipkid · 08/03/2006 23:15

absolutely outragious-would do my nut if my part-time nanny did this to me!

WideWebWitch · 08/03/2006 23:17

She's taking the piss, absolutely! Agree with Colditz.

SuperTramp · 08/03/2006 23:17

I think she's being cheeky. Seeing as though you can see the benefits of having a playmate for DD I think I might approach her about a regular arrangement which she can contribute to financially.

chipkid · 09/03/2006 00:01

incidentally-where is your nanny looking after these children-at your home? even more outragious-you should lay down the law here-tell your nanny that this is not part of her contract with you and it must stop immediately!
good luck

Original poster

arfissimo · 09/03/2006 00:21

Hmmm. Yes, this mum does seem a bit odd tbh. On my nanny's days there she also has to cook the family evening meal and do all the ironing. I get the impression they are rather ahem tight (apparently the mum gives her 5yo $2 for an icepop at school. She found out yesterday that they only cost $1.30 and had a fit that the girl was putting the spare 70c in her piggy bank instead of giving it back).

I'm not sure how to nip this in the bud. I don't know the other mum, so how to approach her?

What's the other mum going to do about school collection? Won't it seem a bit petty of me to stop my nanny collecting the other girl (and stop the girls having that time together?).

My nanny did say no to her yesterday. I would be more annoyed with the nanny if she was being paid, but she's doing it as a favour (she's the sweetest girl, would always put herself out for anybody). I think it must be difficult to say no, as the other mum is also her employer.

sigh

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sinclair · 09/03/2006 15:28

Sorry, I think you will have to wade in and sort this out yourself - even if your nanny is relaying your concerns there is a danger of 'shoot the messenger' which would be unfair - the other mum is her employer and she obviously wants to keep the relationship sweet. I would phone the other mum and propose a regular arrangement, and share costs of that day, or if her requirement is more adhoc, at least set some ground rules - checking with you (not nanny) in advance, how you sort out finances etc, so you can relax. Good luck!

crumpet · 09/03/2006 15:48

I would try not to put the nanny in the middle to sort it out. Either contact the other mother to find out what she really wants (eg go halves for the hours that your nanny is looking after both - if you don't mind her doing that), but also get the nanny to tell the other mother that she can't say yes or no without the other mother clearing it with you first.

Uwila · 09/03/2006 16:42

I would have a chat with the nanny and tell her that you are going to approach the other mum and about it. Tell the nanny you do not appreciate her working for other her other employer on your bill. Then when you call the other mum, just say that you were wondering if she might be interested in participating in a nanny share on those days. Tell her you'd be glad to reduce your costs a bit and then propose her fair share of the day. She will probably sieze the opportunity to have a nanny on that day or take the hint to back off. I would also instruct nanny that she is not to do the school run for this other girl.

And, I wouldn't let the nanny off on "well, she's a nice girl". She's needs to understand when she works for you and when she works for someone else.

NannyL · 09/03/2006 17:40

OMG.... yes you are BOTH being taken advantage of IMO... 'you' because you are paying for your child to have his own care (not ahred care... assume if you wanted that you may have chosen a childminder etc!!!)
AND your nanny.... who is essentially doing double work (2 kids) for no extra money!

I would have words with the other mum (but in all honesty would expect your nanny to be feeling a bit Miffed as well!)

BTW you sound like a very nice mum to work for!

NannyL · 09/03/2006 17:41

BTW if it sounds like i meant you are taking advantage of your nanny i didnt mean that...

hope its obviouse that i meant "other" mum is!

goldenoldie · 09/03/2006 18:50

She is taking the pi** and so is the nanny for agreeing to do the extra duties on your days without your permission.

Ring the mum and get it sorted. Don't leave it for the nanny to do.

HappyMumof2 · 09/03/2006 19:21

you are both being taken advantage of.

I'm sorry, but your nanny sounds like a mug. She needs to learn to say no.

And the other mother is out of order. I would get hold of her number and ask her what she thinks she's playing at.

Original poster

arfissimo · 10/03/2006 12:18

Well, thanks for the advice everybody. I took on board that the other mum was taking the p$ss and spoke to my nanny saying that I felt we were both being taken advantage of.

I said I would speak to the other mum but my nanny said she would do it and the same day told the other mum that on my days my DD was her sole care and that she couldn't help out.

I've asked her to let the other mum know that I can be flexible with a nanny share if she needs.

NannyL - thanks for saying that. I know a lot of mums treat their nannies quite badly (and I don't think intentionally, they just get wrapped up in their lives and get insensitive). My nanny is a great girl and nannies because she loves kids. I would hate it if she thought I was a cow.

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RedTartanLass · 10/03/2006 12:26

good for you arfissimo and your nanny,you both sound like lovely people and I hate it when good people get walked on!!!

I was watching this thread with interest, hoping you get see the light

Sounds like your nanny couldn't wait to tell her

Again, good for you!!

Original poster

arfissimo · 11/03/2006 05:26

Oh thanks RTL. I never know what's being nice to people and what's being trodden on.

Yes, my nanny is lovely and I don't think she's too happy with the other family tbh. She loves children but they're making her do a lot of domestic stuff, which means she's not actually working with the children, just cooking and cleaning. She's hating that part of it, although the children are gorgeous.

She's partway through her degree in law, but she doesn't want to be a lawyer, she wants to use her law degree to help children's rights. She also wants to adopt and foster.

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ssd · 11/03/2006 12:47

You and your nanny both sound lovely.

I can't understand the posters on here saying your nanny is taking the piss - FGS she's taking care of extra children and running around for the other mum FOR NOTHING!! She's probably well pissed off with this herself, but as a nanny it's very hard differentiating between a little favour for someone in need or a hard faced mother taking the mick.

I'm glad you and your nanny are happy, if I was her I'd be dropping the other mum and looking for someone else to share with you.

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