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My last day of employment was a nightmare

57 replies

bettina46 · 27/07/2012 13:10

Hi, I feel devastated. I didn't get a reference. What did I do wrong?
Yesterday was my last day of my employment as a nanny. I arrived with thank you cards, a bottle of wine and a big box of chololates for the parents and a present for the little one. It was something very special for him and I will never forget how happy he was when he opened it. When I came up with those things the lady was lying on the floor playing with her son and didn't bother to stand up. Her husband collected those things from me. She said thank you but looked offended and went upstairs to have a shower. Later on she gave me a card sighed by her husband and herself, another card sighed by her son and a photo of the child in a frame and and left for work without saying goodbye. Both parents came back home exactly at the time I was supposed to finish work, said thank you for organising another exciting day for their child, the boy said "You won't come again?" And his mummy said : "She won't come again unless to say hello". I felt really miserable when I heard that, I gave them their keys back and left. I know she is not happy with me at my leaving but I didn't expect her to behave like that.

I was their nanny for 2 years and started looking after the child when he was a little baby. They liked me because although I'm not a native speaker I've got a uni degree and I was a teacher back in my country.
I loved reading books with my liitle charge, doing arts and crafts, attended groups and classes, went on regular trips often with other nannies and their charges, organised plenty of play-dates, cooked lunches from fresh ingredients only and did everything else I was asked for but first of all I loved the child with all my heart and gave him as much attention as I could. The child was not allowed to watch TV - he didn't, was not allowed to have sweeets or biscuits - he didn't, had to have his afternoon nap in his cot - he did. I obeyed all the rules and did not do anything against parents' wish.
In the first year I felt that I had a very good relationship with the parents but that changed in the autumn last year when I was told that I had to work back 8 days. I worked 4 days a week, Monday to Thursday and had 16 days paid holiday + Bank Holidays (I chose 2 weeks they chose the rest). My employers had obviously more days off from their work and last year they went away for 6 weeks (24 of my working days). After that they asked me to work 8 Fridays for free to make up those days they were on holidays. I thought it was not fair but I worked those 8 days. And I often worked on Friday and got another day off at a very short notice. Meanwhile my finacial situation got worse (my husband didn't have a job for a while) and I told my employers that I would be more than happy to work also on Fridays or do some babysitting to earn more money. As they could not offer me more work I started doing babysitting for other people. My employers were not happy about this and were not as nice to me as they were before. I found a permament babysiting for every Friday and could not do ad hoc Friday work for my 4-day family. At the beginning of this year I was offered a full time job from the new family and I accepted. I've got two children at school age on my own, huge bills to pay and I really needed full-time job and more money. I gave 3-month notice and gave them contact details to 2 friends of mine who would take up the job after I leave. My employers decided not to employ another nanny but to work from home from September as the boy will start nursery then. I don't understand why they didn't give me references.
I would appreciate your comments.

OP posts:
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NiamhThomas30 · 27/07/2012 23:55

eastnorth Fri 27-Jul-12 20:25:10
I suppose she can't really love the child with all her heart as she would not be leaving.

That's quite unfair to suggest?! She has her own family commitments, and children. Should stay at the cost of her own family needs? Love doesn't pay the bills!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2012 23:59

So you have bluntly said to them in person - please can you write me a reference?

What did they say?

I still don't think your last day was a nightmare as your title said :)

Hope you get the reference - ifthey don't then not sure what you can do tbh

Strix · 28/07/2012 00:08

I think she is very wrong to refuse you a reference. But, if you force her to write a reference... how flattering is it going to be? I'm not sure you are going to actually want the reference you receive if you have to force it.

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 28/07/2012 00:37

OP I wouldn't worry about your English, it's fine. Some people just jump on one phrase and attack. What you meant was perfectly clear from the context and your other comments.

Eastnorth I wouldn't bother with a present/speech/coming home early if you don't actually mean it. Instead maybe give your nanny (and everyone else) the benefit of the doubt. If one phrase, from a good nanny who doesn't have a English as a first language would set alarm bells ringing for you, you need to take a look at how you judge people tbh. It's a shame for your children that one of your requirements for a nanny is that they don't love your children.

eastnorth · 28/07/2012 07:32

Niamh I was being sarcastic she can't really love the children with all her heart.

My own nanny is very professional I can see she is genuine with my child and loving that's fine by me, she does not need to love him with all her heart I can do that.

Bettina has said she has a picture on her phone when her Mb has bothered to frame a picture for her how ungrateful.

Maybe the boss is horrible or maybe there is a reason for no reference. Who knows?

Still don't think her last day was devastating just because her boss didn't give a suitable present or come in early.

bettina46 · 28/07/2012 11:14

eastnorth, I'm sorry, but you just don't understand my post

OP posts:
maples · 28/07/2012 16:29

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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