Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Difficult first meeting

30 replies

Titchyboomboom · 06/07/2012 08:12

Hi all! I had a dad come round with his son last week as an introductory meeting and it was really difficult. Son is 2 coming up 3 and was very hyper (as they all probably are at that age) and threw toys, jumped in paddling pool with clothes on, broke a chair and smashed a glass vial in the garden and a vase in the living room. All dad could say was 'he's so cute you won't be mad at him for long.' I am stuck as to what to do as he asked if I could take him and I said yes, only a couple of days, but I am wondering what to do... I really don't want to turn it down as there are going to be challenging behaviours out there, it is my profession, but this was very extreme! I have my own young daughter and other young mindee to think of.

What would you do? I am thinking drawing up a super duper plan for his first week with me, clear rules, laminated sheets, sticker charts, a clear plan of activities he can understand...

Top tips welcome!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ZuleikaD · 06/07/2012 08:19

Do you have to accept him financially? The welfare of the other children is your primary concern and if you're worried that you won't be able to manage this boy, turn him down. He sounds in serious need of some boundaries, tbh. It's your business and you don't have to take clients you don't want.

PositiveOutlook · 06/07/2012 08:24

If you are worried before he had even started perhaps you need to decline.

minderjinx · 06/07/2012 08:34

Dad's reaction would ring alarm bells for me. A "normal" parent would be embarrassed and apologetic about this behaviour if it was out of the ordinary (and of course all children have their challenging moments, often when we are most trying to impress others). If he is accepting or even amused by it, I don't rate your chances of being able to set any rules or boundaries without support from the family. I have had one whose parents thought it was "cute" when he threw tantrums, broke toys and generally played up. It was very frustrating to see them undo everything I achieved with him on a daily basis, and I certainly wouldn't knowingly take that on again.

confusedpixie · 06/07/2012 08:36

I agree with the others, don't accept him unless you have too, your other mindees come first. Not only that, but if the Dad has that attitude towards it, then are you sure you want to try working with him to improve the behaviour? It sounds as though he's not bothered by it and if he's not, he will make it difficult to keep behavioural plans ongoing at home.

confusedpixie · 06/07/2012 08:36

x-post with Minder!

Flisspaps · 06/07/2012 08:39

Do you not have a settling in period where you can cancel the contract immediately?

If not then I'd say no straight away. Dealing with extreme behaviour is one thing, allowing someone in to your home when you know they're going to trash your house and behave appallingly and parents are unlikely to back you wrt discipline is another.

ZuleikaD · 06/07/2012 08:53

Though I do question slightly why you have breakable things within reach - glass in the garden I would have thought was a no-no for one.

RandomNumbers · 06/07/2012 11:56

you need to select the families as carefully as they select you

there is no shame in chosing to not take on a child

and yes, crikey, glass in the garden and a vase available to be broken - use this as an opportunity to review your risk assessments

ninasneurons · 06/07/2012 16:17

I would definetely decline.

Dozer · 06/07/2012 17:40

Decline, or if giving the benefit of the doubt have them over for a play session or two in the day, then a settling in period of a few weeks. And give the parents written info about how you manage behaviour, rules etc before they sign the contract.

Your other client(s) might not be happy if this little boy is disruptive or takes up your time and attention. And of course your DD wouldn't like it either.

lisaro · 06/07/2012 17:42

Sorry but with a dad with an attitude like that he's only going to get worse. You should refuse and tell them why. They won't like it but it's the biggest favour you could do them.

JustFabulous · 06/07/2012 17:42

That seems rather a lot of things available for a 2 year old to break.

MyBestfriendsWedding · 06/07/2012 19:15

I took on an older child in my early CM days when my own DC was under 1. I realised from the start that this child was a complete handful and difficult to control. It was awful and made harder due to parents not accepting the behaviour was all that bad and allowing their child to run wild. I had to end the contract as my DC was put at huge risk caused by mindee. It was terrible and I felt so sad for mindee and upset for my own child. I learnt a huge lesson and listen to my instinct when meeting parents and children for the first time.

ReetPetit · 06/07/2012 20:59

i wouldn't advise that you take this child on tbh. someone else will come along. if after a first meeting your reaction is a no, i would trust this judgement tbh. i always make clear to parents that i am interviewing them as much as they are me, you need to both be happy with each other and dad's reaction was a little odd imo.

Original poster

Titchyboomboom · 06/07/2012 22:23

Thanks all - am going to discuss with NCMA rep tomorrow. There are a lot of childminders in the area who have predominantly older boys where he may fit better

Re breakables - the glass in the garden was 8 foot high and I described it a bit oddly, it was a bottle with a candle holder in it, and I did not for one minute think a child could get it. He broke it by climbing onto a chair and jumping off holding a toy guitar smashing it like a piniata. I realise even at 8 foot it probably should not have been there but have only to date had a 1 year old so, naughty me, smacked hand I know, but he took me by surprise

And the vase... not a massive glass vase but a small plant pot type with some flowers the girls had picked in it which he picked up and threw at the wall. Not fragile at all in my opinion, would not break if dropped on the floor, but did chip (not shatter) when thrown with force.

I know breakables should not be about, and I am not meaning to be defensive, but it is my home and if my home is supposed to be safe from this boy, everything breakable from floor to ceiling needs to be removed! Photo frasmes? Ornaments on 7 foot shelves? I don't think these are safe if I take him on.

Probablu being unreasonable but I really don't want my house trashed :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Titchyboomboom · 06/07/2012 22:25

Also, I made a massive mistake not making it clear that it was an interview from both perspectives! Steep learning curve ...

OP posts:

DaPrincessBride · 06/07/2012 22:29

I mind a little boy who is just as you describe - I'm finishing next month. He headbutted me last week and I've had enough really!

Original poster

Titchyboomboom · 06/07/2012 22:32

When I emailed my NCMA rep I asked if I am within my rights to choose... where do we stand with discrimination?

OP posts:

minderjinx · 06/07/2012 22:33

I think it's quite understandable and acceptable to have some of your personal bits and pieces around at the weekend and when you have a child visiting supposedly under the supervision and control of a parent. I don't think you need be at all aplogetic about that Titchy. They sound horrendous - save yourself!

ReetPetit · 06/07/2012 22:34

of course you can choose! you are self employed. it is completely up to you who you chose to work with. have you signed contracts? even if you have, you should have a settling period when no notice is required.

BackforGood · 06/07/2012 22:38

Of course you can choose to take on a contract or not take on a contract.
To my mind, it's not the boy's behaviour per se, but the fact that, after he'd already broken something in your garden, he then picked up a vase and threw it at the wall and HIS DAD SAID he's so cute you won't be mad at him for long

Wow! I wouldn't be signing a contract with that Dad.

MyBestfriendsWedding · 06/07/2012 22:43

He hasn't started with you yet Titchy so you're within your rights to terminate agreement. It's not discrimanation. I think as a parent if my DC acted like that I would see your decision coming a mile off. Best to move on swifty and as you said use it as a learning curve.

blueglue · 06/07/2012 22:50

The parent should have been mortified at the breakages and behaviour but he wasn't. That is actually far worse than the behaviour itself. I do know someone who allows her preschool ds to do anything he wants without any sort of reprimand (think this is a method of parenting) and despite the fact that I have a similarly aged ds who was lively, I dont like my friend's boy coming here because he always breaks stuff and I am actually afraid he will hurt someone. Nothing is off limits for my friends boy unless she thinks it will kill him! Just decline, if you mind another child and they report that sort of behaviour to their mum or dad, the presence of this child could impact your business.

Original poster

Titchyboomboom · 06/07/2012 22:53

Thanks all - reassured :)

OP posts:

ZuleikaD · 07/07/2012 06:06

Many parents behave at first visits as though they are interviewing you for a job they are providing and all the onus is on you to demonstrate to them how worthy you are to take on their little angel. They often don't seem to appreciate that you are deciding whether you will accept their child.

Flip

1 2