Whether to keep our nanny on after new baby arrives?

[QuizzicalJoan]

I've been an avid reader of this topic for a year but never posted until now. I've also namechanged for a bit more RL anonymity. I'd really appreciate the advice of people who have been employing nannies for longer than me.

I live outside the UK (Europe) and employ a live-in nanny (British, age 27) for my 3 year old DS. DH and I work full-time, outside the home, both of us around 45 hours per week, with a 15 minute commute. So good life/work balance and usually home by 6.30pm at very latest. I'm pregnant and due near Christmas. I will be able to take 16 weeks maternity leave from work and no longer (unfortunately, although I love my job).

DS currently goes to nursery school three half days per week (12 hours, me or DH drop her off), but from September will go 5 mornings and 2 afternoons per week. The nursery won't keep them over lunch, so even the days when he does a morning and an afternoon he'll need picking up and bringing home for lunch between 12pm and 1.30pm. Then there will be an additional three afternoons per week when he needs childcare.

Our nanny currently works 41 hours per week. She has been with us for three months and I like her very much. We previously had a live-in nanny for 6 months who left to return to live in the UK, for family reasons. She has a good relationship with DS and loves children, she has a great attitude, is willing and fun, fairly patient and safe and does different things with him. She is always happy to babysit and easy to live with. She has far fewer weaknesses than me I'm sure, but everybody has some - even Mary Poppins - and hers are a lack of initiative for nursery duties and day-to-day activities: not tidying toys/garden up at the end of the day, cleaning, (she has never lived on her own and doesn't really notice mess), not very crafty or good at messy play, not very extrovert and confident at making other Mum/Nanny friends for playdates etc. However, whenever I ask her to do a job when I get home from work, before she finishes (for example clean the table after dinner, tidy the jigsaw away from the floor before she finishes, iron DS's clothes) she is always happy and willing. It's just that I have to ask rather than her noticing on her own - so all of that are niggles rather than complaints as such. I would recommend her to anyone with toddlers or older for sure.

The main thing is that she has no experience of nannying a baby, the youngest child she has nannied been 2.5 yrs. Ideally if I have to leave a 14-16 week old in childcare I'd like the nanny to have had good experience of caring for young babies. I had 2.5 years at home with DS so am a bit nervous about going back to work and finding f/t childcare for such a young baby.

So I don't know whether to let her go and look for a nanny with baby experience and who is better at housekeeping, or keep her on, find the money to pay her throughout mat. leave, although I would reduce her hours by half so as not to have her around the house so much (but not her pay as that wouldn't be fair), for continuity for DS, and a case of 'a nanny in the hand is worth two in the bush'?

I know there maybe not "bad" negatives but there are a lot of them. For looking aftet a baby i would really wsnt someone with a bit more initiative, she will have to be on her toes with a 2 yr old and a baby. It depends if you think she will pick up the pace a bit, maybe its down to communication a clarity of duties, nannies should really do nursery duties inc the housekeeping involved in that but not the general housekeeping , basicly tidying up after the kids and herself, plus entertaining and providing lots of play experiences for the children. Do i suppose you have to be realistic about how much she is doing.

Thanks for responding, and yes, that's my worry really. She's lovely and can do the job but I do find it hard to have to provide extra management/instructions for her after a long day at work. DS will be 4 by the time I go back work, so it will be a 16 week old and a 4 year old, which I think isn't too bad. But currently I think sole carer of one 3.5 year old is not so difficult, but many of the day-to-day tidying/nursery duties aren't done well enough.

We do have a cleaner once a week, and DH and I do plenty of housework, but I would love to have DS's toys tidied up more, his play areas cleaned down, stray toys brought in from the garden at the end of the day, kitchen wiped down with flash after cooking, the right sort of toys put back in the right box rather than all mixed up, that sort of thing... it's just a bit more relaxing to come home to.

But I know that stuff isn't the most important thing! I trust her with DS... he is happy, she has a good attitude and will always carry out what I ask of her. That's why I'm appealing to people more experienced than me. How important is baby experience - could she pick it up?

Gosh, I wonder if she'd even want to - maybe I need to ask her if she still wants the job when the baby comes...

Although some people might (and without any judgement on those who will), I would not leave my newborn with someone who has only experience for 2.5YO+. I don't think you should be asking if she wants the job when then baby comes - you should be asking yourself whether you feel happy with that, and you're perfectly entitled to say no, you want someone with experience. Quite apart from the niggling small issues, that's enough for me to look for someone else.

I have another take on this. She will presumably be with you when you have the baby so she will have four months of getting used to looking after a baby, some people instinctively know what to do and others dont. She will learn a lot from being with you and if she is good and sensible she will adapt and be fine. The bottom line is whether you trust her to be able to look after the two of them. You will quickly be able to see how she copes with the two of them when you are around. If you decide to keep her I would make sure that she has first aid training.

Have you had a chat with her about how things are going? Whilst its annoying that she's not using her initiative then if she's not noticing things then could you do a list/schedule to show her?

i.e. each day after cooking put dishes in dishwasher and wipe down sides & table with bleach. At end of each day tidy toys away from key areas. Monday - change DS' bed, put his sheets and towels in washing machine and hang out when finished. Whilst wash is on - dust and hoover his room and playroom. Tues - empty out xyz toy boxes and check all puzzle pieces and put toys back into right boxes (are his toy boxes labelled? If not it'd probably help her if they were!). Weds - arrange for one of DS' friends to visit and play after nursery - arrange snacks and an art activity for them to do.

Then if nothing else you're helping her to learn - and making your life easier for the next few months til you start your mat leave. Then in a month or so (when you've had a chance to see how she shapes up!) you can decide if you'd like to have her stay when you have the new baby or if you want to give notice and get someone better. :)

Thanks leeloo1, some really good advice there, and homeaway as well. All v. helpful!

Sorry, good advice from all posters, I didn't mean to imply otherwise!