Is what I would expect from an au pair reasonable? long

[missingmumxox]

My DH is working away from home only just happened he is away from home Sunday night gets back Friday evening.
I use a breakfast club and after school club currently, but I sweat on getting to the after school before 6pm, that said the ladies who run it have given me a mobile number if I am running behind, but I am very much aware they have lives too.
this week I have arranged a friend to pick up for a night there is a good chance I will be late but ultimately she has 3 children of her own and like me works full time so I can't rely on her, as in I know she would do it but I feel it is totally unfair.
so I have been thinking about an au pair, but I only have TV drama's as a reference point, not good
so what I know, they are basically wanting to learn a language, I have at least 4 schools of English on my door step the furthest is 10 minutes walk, do they all go to schools of English? or do they expect to learn in the home only? if they do go, do I pay?
I imagine they want to travel and see the culture I live in small Cathedral city which has good links via rail to London nearest station is 1/2 mile away the other just under 1 1/2 miles, high speed service from that one so under an hour to London.
night life when I was a student here was a bit rubbish, and recently a night club has closed since which leaves the 1 rubbish one, that said there are 2 universities in the city so I can imagine the pubs are still great. (I don't know if this point is important but I was 18 once and it was to me)
What I would like is actually a male au pair (do they exist?) I have 2 very robust and active 7 year old boys, a teeny tiny spare room, no extra car.
what I would like them to be able to do, Monday to Friday oversee boys getting dressed as in nag them, they dress themselves, give them breakfast, walk them to school, so they don't have to do breakfast club, this is not a cost saving it only cost 50p each.
I would still do after school as my boys love it but to be picked up at 5.30 and dinner made for them looked after until I get home normally 6pm but every month or so this could be 7pm, once every 3 months I might have an over night these are becoming more rare.
in the holidays they cover a couple of days a week rather than the school holiday club and cover any sickness the boys have from school, when I am working, to date that equals 4 days since they where born 3 of which where chicken pox :) they had the good grace to have it together.
also I would if doing this I would like 2 nights a week to get off and go swimming.
in summery, 7 to 8.30 nag boys walk to school.
5.30 to at max 7pm walk boys home provide dinner,
8 pm to 9pm twice mid week (boys in bed) me swimming
School Holidays they will need to do 2 days a week.
oh and cover boys illness from school if I can't, if it was important day at language school I would take a/l
I would like to enroll my sons in clubs so it might mean an earlier pick up.
I don't expect cleaning/washing apart from their own, although if they could hang out a wash that would be a bonus :)
am I off beam? I don't think I am, but I don't want to get someone and then find I am unreasonable and they bugger off, but at the same time I don't want to not utilise them to their best.

I don't really want weekend care, as in they can go and do their own thing then, but it would be nice for our anniversary and birthdays, so 5 nights in a year :) this is dangerous I keep finding things, which is why I need to kno what is reasonable :)

thank you if you got this far

I think you sound bloody lovely. If I was 18 anda boy I'd love to come & work for you

You sound very reasonable. Look at the post I made up forum about spelling it all out - that's the key to success. I've known number of families have male au pairs, particularly for boys, and very successfully.

As for hanging out a wash, I wouldn't hold my breath, but only because every man I've ever known is like a cow with a gun when it comes to hanging out washing.

Good luck with it all.

Hi missingmumxox,

Just to say you are certainly not off beam, as what you want is exactly what I have:
Mornings - hassle DS to get ready & make sure he eats breakfast, cycle to school. [Although my mornings are earlier as I have to leave at 6.30am].
Afternoons if needed - cycle back from after school clubs, stop off at park and run around, build dens, climb trees etc, feed tea.
Twice a week - evenings while I go to zumba class [yippee] or a PTA meeting [boo!]
School holidays - 2 days per week full day visiting museums or theme parks etc.

I got my current male au pair via au pair world and was inundated with applicants, despite having no car to offer them [they get a bicycle] and being a 15 min cycle from the train station.

It's definitely different to having a female au pair [have yet to have any offers of help with washing!], but DS is happy.

What you describe is exactly what an au pair would expect to do (plus a bit of tidying/laundry/ironing on top to get to 25 hours or however many you want them to do).

I am pretty sure I know exactly which city you live in (ie the one with the new traffic system causing bedlam up near one of the stations?). If it is that city, you can relax as there is a thriving AP community - my AP tells me there were 12 APs at the last get together in the city a couple of weeks ago. It is fairly easy to get APs to come here, particularly if you are within walking distance of City centre. I have a male AP and two of my friends also have APs (girls) here.

You need to use the local adult education centre for languages because the private language schools are too expensive. This means you are beholden to the term times and course they decide to run, but all of my APs (am on no 6 - been doing this for 8 years now...) have found courses to suit. One girl I had was already fluent in English so she did a couple of part time photography/Art courses instead at local college. If you are in the same city as me it is best to go into the Adult Education Centre (same site as high school) and discuss with them because the website itself doesn't list the courses properly (they run more than they list). The AP pays for the courses .
I try to only have male APs these days because personally I find them easier to have around - they are for example usually happy to go off to pubs by themselves and take responsibility to make their own friends. (downside is that I do have to wash me own knickers now rather than bung them in the main load )

Other advantage of male APs is that you are not in competition with loads of other families so can specify exactly what you want and find it. EG I always insist on graduates aged 22+ who have held down jobs before (eg summer camp), preferably lived away from home and who come from families where both parents worked. You'll find maybe 100 males at moment on aupair-world.net (you need to join - £30-ish). If using a site to find someone be careful to ensure they are coming for the right reasons and can demonstrate they they do actually really like kids. The economy in Spain is so bad at moment that there are lots and lots of young people desperate for work so be careful about who you take on. And I'd recommend you skype them - their assessment of how well they speak English will not be the same as yours.

In this area the pay ranges from around £70 for 25 hours and babysitting to £100 for 35 hours including weekend work.

I think you sound great. Not all au pairs want to learn a language - some may just want child care experience. I worked as an au pair in Australia a couple of years ago and did all the stuff you suggested and a bit more, bit of extra babysitting and saved hard to spend a few months travelling afterwards. Girl au pairs tend to be in more demand, so I would imagine you could find a good male one!!

Thanks all, That has made me feel more positive, am also amazed at the cost, I thought it would be more expensive, to be honest I am glad about the idea men are available (not sure about Dh haha,) but I selected their nursery on the bases not just that it was in my workplace but because it had men working there and the same with their primary school.

the bike idea is great as we used to cycle as a hobby before DC and whilst in one boy can't ride unaided we have these children's half bike type thing, which bolts on the back like a tandem so that would solve that problem, he can cope with this and we could get another second hand one for when they want to get out alone to save mucking about with the tandem thing.

stillsquiffy yes I do live in that city, my DH escaped a ticket the other day when the police where laying in wait, some workmen had posted their young apprentice to warn drivers :) good people, Dh was blissfully unaware of the change.

your local knowledge has helped, but I am really embarrassed, I know where all the grammars are as I live that side, and the one named after the that big man of the church, I will have to google after this.

I do think I have a mission with the hanging laundry and males :) would be nice to send a son home who can help his mum :)

OH! the high school! is it in a estate named after a season? if it is, that is doubly embarrassing as that was one of my placements when I was a student

just googled it is only on the estate my Uncle, Cousin and family live on! I am slapping my head in shame :)

Offer higher end pay and perks if you can to attract more

So more like £100 a week
X2 babysits not to include fri night
Etc