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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Parent won't go home.

20 replies

Pickles45 · 28/02/2006 10:36

I have a similar problem to HellyBely with her early drop off. However, mine is with a parent that seems to want to stop and chat for ages at collection time. I have other parents arriving at the same time. To me, its really obvious that i'm not really wanting to chat as I make comments about having to get dinner on etc, but she doesn't take the hint. I don't want to be rude and have tried getting her daughter ready to leave but nothing has worked yet, short of telling her to go. (She is a single parent and I appreciate how lonely it can be for her to go home to an empty house). Trouble is it can take me 30 mins or so every night to get her to finally leave. Anybody got any hints. Don't get me wrong I'm only too happy to chat with my parents about the children's day etc but not to this extent every day. Is this just part of the job and i'm stuck with it!

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Hattie05 · 28/02/2006 10:40

Why don't you explain to her that its a particularly busy part of your day, tell her you're happy for her to hang around with her child, but that you'll have to carry on with things you've got to do.

If someone said that to me, rather than just asked me not to stay so long, i'd feel fine about it. If you ask her not to stay so long, you risk letting a paranoid Mother think you have something to hide , you know how are imagination can run wild!

But letting her feel that she is welcome in the setting her child spends all day, will be a reassurance, and i'm sure once you stop talking to her she won't bother to hang around so much anyway.

Set yourself a limit - say give her a 5 minute handover time where you tell her how her child's been. And then say, right now i must continue with my work .... Let her leave when she wishes.

MerlinsBeard · 28/02/2006 10:43

make her pay you for the xtra time

Original poster

Pickles45 · 28/02/2006 10:44

Thanks for the good advice. I will give it ago, you are probably right about not wanting to hang about when I stop talking to her.

OP posts:

HenniPenni · 28/02/2006 10:45

I don't know how old mindee is but I overcame this problem in two ways:

Had the mindee in the pushchair, coat and shoes on, bags packed and said, sorry can't chat, mindee has done this,this and this. Felt very rude doing it but he would chat for 20mins to half an hour about nothing.

I'm more than happy to chat about x,y and z but your going over your contracted hours, should we revise the contracts and therefore your fees?this one works a treat! and I don't say it as rude as it sounds on here!

agalch · 28/02/2006 10:54

I would maybe offer to do a diary system(depends on how old mindee is). Tell her that as you are so busy at that time instead of chatting you will write down days activities etc for her to take home.I don't agree with letting parent stay in the house for half hour each night and i do explain to parents that when its mindees hometime my job should be over.I would feel like i was workng an extra half hour with no pay.I am hard faced about these things now after 11 yrs of being pushed around by certain parents.My parents pick up and drop off at front door and i do not have them in unless they are coming on their own for a contract review every 3 months.

agalch · 28/02/2006 10:56

I also explain that my kids need my time and attention when mindees go home. I have 3 kids who go to various clubs,they need to eat dinner and homework so if parents want to hang around while i make dinner etc they can pay my overtime rate.

Hattie05 · 28/02/2006 13:11

Agalch, it sounds like Pickles still has other children there at that time anyway.

Don't you think letting them into your home, builds trust? i would be unsure about using a childminder who did not allow parents into her home. I would be wanting to see the place that my child spends her time, and it can also help children feel more secure if they see their parents in that environment, chatting with the person that cares for them all day long.

nannynick · 28/02/2006 13:51

If they attend 5 days per week, is there one day per week when there are less children at the time the parent collects? Could perhaps the parent come early (so is chatting during contracted hours) one day a week, for a chat, but leaving at the usual contracted time... could that work?

agalch · 28/02/2006 14:52

Hattie,if i am contracted till say 5pm and parent knocks door at 5pm then i don't see why i should then stand and chat for half an hour. If they want to come at 4.30pm and leave at 5pm fine but if i'm doing my job with other mindees eg dinner or storytime then i won't time to chat anyway will i? I am only like this now after yrs of parents taking the u know what .My parents don't mind tbh,as they want to get home with their kids and spend time with them.I'm got really fed up hearing about parents jobs and personal stuff,i'm really not interested in all that

Hattie05 · 28/02/2006 15:25

Of course agalch, if thats you 'end of day' thats fine, but as i said, i was assuming that Pickles still had children there at that time.

Original poster

Pickles45 · 28/02/2006 15:55

All my parents arrive at the same time. The others, with younger children, leave within a reasonable time scale (considering the others are younger, needing more feedback). In fact one parent usually collects her child 15/20 mins earlier than contracted (lucky me. The parent in question is still there long after the other have gone. Her child, being before & afters school, doesn't need as much feedback. I have three children of my own and dh coming home wanting to be fed - as with most of you, it's my busiest time of the day. I wouldn't mind either, but the conversation has nothing to do with her child - usually moaning about work or home stuff.

OP posts:

agalch · 28/02/2006 16:16

My dp used to come into the hall(where i would have been standing with the parent) and say dinners ready darling and the parent still would not go.Thats why its in my "Arrivals and Collections" policy that pick ups etc are a quick handover.I also explain verbally that i am not being rude but that i am soooo busy with my kids and dins etc i do not have time to chat.All the parents i have had recently have understood and said ok to it.If you explain why they shouldn't have a problem with it.

Original poster

Pickles45 · 28/02/2006 16:26

Thanks everybody for your advice. I will have to be firm and give it a go.

OP posts:

ThePrisoner · 28/02/2006 19:23

Well, I am a totally rubbish and unprofessional childminder then ... unless they are in a hurry and want to do a quick drop-off/pick-up, parents are more than welcome to come in and have a chat. I obviously don't want everyone to take root on the settees, but I feel that parents have the right to know what goes on and what kind of chaos I am subjecting their children to!

I do daily diaries or activity sheets so they can read about what their children have done, but it is still nice to have a general chat about stuff.

It means that, bit by bit, most of the parents have met all the other parents, and they also get to know the other children that their child spends time with. Some of the parents have formed friendships over the years, and have also become good friends of mine, and I pride myself in being able to offer what I think is a relaxed, home-based environment. Some of the children have formed long-term friendships too. I have been minding with some of my families for over 10 years, so am happy that this works for the parents and me.

nzshar · 28/02/2006 20:14

As a newbie and not having any children yet i can only guess at what i would do.

It would all depend on the time they want to chat. If say they come at 5 30 and i dont stop minding till 6 then if they want to chat for a half hour while i go about doing what i have to do thats fine. I do that now when friends come over we chat while also dealing with the children and depending on the friend it can be up to 4 children at one time!!

BUT if its after 6 and out of hours time then i would draw the line. That time is precious to us as a family. The following 2 hours is all we have per day 5 days a week to be a family unit ....ds goes to bed by 8pm. So i dont want and will be making it very clear that after 6pm is MY family time. Think im entitiled to that :)

Tan1959 · 28/02/2006 20:55

I sympathise with anyone who has to put up with this from inconsiderate parents - before any parent starts a campaign to get me removed from MN - it's the odd one & I personally have almost been driven to distraction by this! For me, handing over chat for upto 15 mins is fine (I do not site there looking at my watch either) - parents feel comfortable enough to come into my home & sit on my sofa or floor with me & mindees for quick chat & perhaps join in with last story of the day then they are eager to get home with their child & spend some quality time - time being the essence I would think. I will nearly always have other mindees around so giving them my undivided attention is what is important to me not chatting to a parent about rubbish. I really do get angry when one of my parent's tries to engage me in conversation that I see as inappropriate in front of mindees ie about a row they might have had with partner or goings on in their's or extended family; one I am not interested & two if they wish to discuss in front of their own chid they can do that in their own home. I have even had to ask a parent not to shout at their child, smack or use fowl language in my home - why should my other mindees be subjected to this.

Tan1959 · 28/02/2006 21:03

Oops, I obviously don't use that word alot - foul

Original poster

Pickles45 · 01/03/2006 08:07

Tan 1959, I totally agree. I never mind discussing a child and am happy to make general chat to an extent. While other children are in the setting it important to be able to concentrate on what they are doing, especially when very young and often getting tired towards the end of the day. Parents do come in & are made welcome (probably where the problem started in the first place). However, just like you said, it is important to spend time with my own family, I want to get involved with homework, have to get tea ready and clear away the days cm stuff, paperwork, preping for the next day; all followed by collapsing in a heap somewhere. I too think it's not too much to ask and think after starting work at 7:30am it's ok to be finished by 5.30. reporting back on yesterday evening, I managed to get my parent to leave after 5 mins - you will laugh though when I tell you she arrived 15 mins late. (I don't mind as it's very rare she does that).

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 01/03/2006 12:59

well done, how did you manage that?
i agree with everyone and think that family time is precious and limited i for one will be needing to close the door on the last mindee by 6pm so that i can get baby bathed and fed and put to bed. (when i start minidng that is - hopefully by the end of march ill be registered and by the end of april/ may i will have my first mindee - fingers corssed!)

agalch · 01/03/2006 13:24

I will never understand why a parent wants to come in and chat to me for ages.How many of you whose mindees parents come in spend the time talking about the mindees day?I know my parents(when they were allowed in)talked about stuff i wasn't interested in eg their love lifes and holidays etc.Surely they have friends to talk to?
I also don't think a parent has to come into my home in the evening to trust me.My parents trust me totally,they say so all the time!!

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