Childminders, advise please!

[Nena7]

Hi,
My daughter has just started with a new childminder and my two boys are being icked up by her after school as well.

She is very sweet and caring and the children really love her and enjoy being at her house.

Now, I just have a bit of a dilemma and how to handle it. From the start, I have made it clear I don't want them to watch TV while they are there (then I might as well have them at home and stick them in front of the TV for free). I've said it's fine if it's a one-off and they watch a film or something, as an "activity".

On a few occasions when we have picked them up, she said one of them had asked to watch TV and that they were tired so she let them "only for 30 minutes or so". Also, during th eday on one occasion when my girl (aged 2) was tired, she said she turned the TV on so she could relax. I am a bit annoyed by this as I had clearly stated I didn't want them to watch TV (unfortunatley my husband had mentioned that it was ok occasionally... so she may have got conflicting informaiton). But either way, I had said a few times, no TV.

Also, eating habits. For us, sweets, bisquits and crisps are treats. Treats meaning yo have them occasionally at special times. I have stated that this sort of snacks are fine as treats occasionally. Almost every day have they had at least one of those things. WHich has resulted in that they don't eat the dinner my husband or I have made to sit down to have a family meal, because they had had bisquits an hour earlier! I had asked for them to just have a sandwich srtaight after school and fruit or yougurt or somehting but there seem to be snacking going on from school finishes and onwards.

It might sound a bit picky and particlar but these things are important to us. I don't like rubbish foods and I don't want my kids to get into a habbit of eating them and I also don't want them to get into a habbit of as soon as they are bored or tired, TV is the solution, stifling all creativity!

The tricky part is that she has her own 2 and 7 year old children. I assume they are used to having crisps and watch TV. Now when there are other children around, who then "aren't allowed", makes the whole situation awkward.

I could really do with some advise here, as a child minder what would you prefer? Shall I talk to her again and outline exactly how I want it? Do I have the "right" to do that, or do I have to comply to the care she wants to provide - how does it work? Thank you!

I think that if the telly was on all day or a large chunk of the day, then you would be justified to say something but half an hour here and there really is not a problem. Children do get tired and a good programme on the telly is a good way to allow them to rest. I am a CM and mum and I allow crisps sometimes, not every day. Lots of playgroups serve biscuit and it is hard to avoid that situation. It would be very hard to tell your CM what she must do and not do. Maybe you would be better with a nanny who only looks after your children and follow your rules.

my cm does not give my dd any food after school, she can have a drink of water if she wants but that is about it, I think once she gave her a yoghurt when dd said she was hungry. I dont see the need for her to have any food after school untill I collect her.

As for the T.V, my C.M has her living room as a space where her mindees do not go. However saying that my dd has on two occassions watched T.V in there with the cms Dh when the other older children she normal has have not been there and only had two toddlers to play with.

I didnt mind the youghurt or T.V on these occassions as it has not been a regular thing. But in your position i would certanly say some thing to her about both issues. I dont think she is very wise on either point tbh as she should expect the food to at least be an issue if she where using her comon sence.

I think this can be a bit tricky. I'm a childminder and I have one child whose mother won't let him eat any sugar at all. This is fine by me because I only have him for breakfast and for one afternoon a week, so on that afternoon we all stick to a sugar-free diet, which is obviously a thoroughly good thing. If he was coming every day I can see this might cause issues - I often give the other children (including my own) something like a biscuit when they come in from school, and I wouldn't want to be divisive by leaving one child out (or effectively stigmatizing him by explaining to everyone else that his mummy doesn't want him to have the same things as the others). But on the other hand it would feel a bit unfair to stop giving my own (and other minded) children something that they enjoy and I don't have an problem with, just because of this one parent.

With TV, if you're looking after several children, particularly late in the afternoon when they're tired after school, TV can be a life-saver. Mine hardly ever watch it (can't remember the last time it's been on in this house), but I make it absolutely clear to new parents that I reserve the right to turn it on if need be!

Having parents giving conflicting messages can be a right pain for childminders - I have a 1.5 yo mindee whose Daddy allows her to have juice and her Mummy doesn't, so I used to be left in the middle with her screaming her head off whenever the others had juice (I've now banned juice altogether for everyone now on the days when she comes and peace is finally restored). Unanimity between parents really really helps, so do try to stop your dh giving conflicting information to the childminder.

I think it'd be fair enough for you to raise these issues with the childminder, particularly if you said these things originally and feel as though she's ignoring your wishes. I'm assuming that when you originally discussed things with her she said she'd be happy to go along with your rules on diet and TV? Do be tactful, though - as Reality says, it is her house and her children's house so you can't expect to dictate everything. It might be in the long run that you'd be better off finding a nanny - then you could impose your own rules.

As a cm I have tv and healthy eating policies and parents have always been happy with this. I make the rules as having children from different families where some can watch tv some can't have a biscuit is a nightmare for the children left out, actually it's a bit cruel if a group of minders are eating a biscuit and one can't have one as with the tv.

As a parent who was really anal about food and tv and who is now mum to a 19 and 15 year old please be aware that the minute they go off to secondary school the diet goes put of the windo and when they are 19 it's blooming awful lol

Thanks everyone for your answers. Yes, this is my dilemma, I obviously appreciate that I can't dictate how she runs her house, her children or her care really, I never wold expect that. However, as someone said, this was part of our initial discussion and she agreed to it so therefore I do feel I have some "rights". I guess I was just surprised to see that someone in charge of developing children did not have more of a developed policy around these issues. I don't mind TV/films as such, however, in a care situation I am against it. I simply don't believe it's good value for money. And it's the parent's right to use TV as a babysitter if they wish to, not a paid carer (potentially controversial, sorry!) What happened to winding down with a book? But anyway, that is up to each carer to have their own policy on, and I choose this lady because I felt our ideas and values were similar, and now I end up feeling a bit annoyed every other day when the kids don't eat, or I find out they have had unhealthy snacks, and/or wathced TV. -Also, on these occasions, it was my son who had asked, not any of the others, and given our initial conversaitons, I had hoped she then would have said no to him.

I think I will discuss it with her, tactflly, and see how she feels. I am ver wary that I don't want to offend her bt at the same time, they are my children in her care! Thanks again!

More advise and suggestions are welcome!

''And it's the parent's right to use TV as a babysitter if they wish to, not a paid carer (potentially controversial, sorry!) What happened to winding down with a book?''

Not commenting on the rest of this thread but on this point alone. TV is used well is not 'babysitting' - it can be a valuable & educational experience. We sit down together & watch 'Auntie Mabel' or 'I Can Cook' or similar. we talk about what we are watching & are often inspired to find out more (from a book, internet etc), copy or adapt a recipe or craft activity or go on an outing.
The other thing to consider is that the Childminder is generally a lone worker who doesn't get tea breaks or lunch breaks and so 20 minutes of TV/down time after lunch provides the opportunity to tidy up from lunch, go to the toilet and eat (I normally eat with the mindies but if I have a baby who needs feeding this is not always possible). So whilst using TV in this way is not ideal I don't see it as irresponsible.

I agree however that as your Minder agreed to no TV at the start she shouldn't be using it, and should have explained from the outset when & how TV is used in her setting

I am a childminder and have several children after school as well as my own 2 DC.

I have a healthy snack and drink ready as in my experience they are all ravenous after a day at school. My 2 DC have the same snack as everyone else (they know that they are not allowed sweets, crisps and biscuits when I have minded children here and have always been fine with the rule).

I have one little boy whose mum puts sweets in his bag every day and I find this diffucult as he asks for them all the time and if I let him have them they would all want some and my healthy lifestyle policy goes out the window! I have tried to explain to parents that this is akward for me and that it is not needed as I provide snacks but they persist. I just send the unopened packet of sweets in his bag.

I try to provide plenty of varied activities for them to take part in, but occasionally one or other of them may be tired and all they want to do is watch a bit of TV and none of my parents have a problem with this. In fact I think my parents chose a childminder because they want their child to have the option to do this as they would at home if they so wished.

I almost never put the TV on during the day with my tiny tots unless they seem particularly tired or need a little calm down time. Again this is not a regular thing and the time is limited but it is an option if I chose to use it.

I would definately speak to her again about your wishes and if you cannot come to a suitable compromise you may have to search for alternative childcare / childminder. Personally, I would suggest if you like her and are happy with her care is it really a deal breaker? I used to be a latch key kid and brought myself and my younger sister up on biscuits and Tv after school till my mum got home from work. I don't think I turned out too bad

I have also had a parent who was putting chocolate/sweet bag of haribos in the child's school bag to give him at pick up and had to ask her to stop. Not fair on me, not fair on other children, creates confrontation. Snacks ultimatly are to discuss with parents but I always give a healthy snack, and make popcorn instead of giving them crisps - plain popcorn is healthy! As for TV, I also make the rules here in my house and have a TV policy. Every Friday after school we watch a movie together, except if it's nice then we go to the forest for a picnic. The children have 15-20 minutes of TV in the morning and they choose the program in turn, usually it's something from cebeebies such as Tree Fu Tom, very popular at the moment. Then another program is chosen after school pick up from the older kids, something like Deadly 60, which the littles ones don't watch (I have a seperate living room and playroom, the TV is in the living room). Deadly 60 is not some kind of science fiction program where people shoot at each other, it's a very good wildife program. I do think that kids are tired after school, but I do make it clear with the parents that this is how we do it here, TV is not switched on at random times and left on. They have set times, a start and an end.

I see your point as a parent, and I think that a sit down discussion should take place, and that you might want to agree on a set situation, time, or occasion when the CM would see fit to put TV on for children. And a limit in time.

The rights and wrongs of TV and 'unhealthy' snacks are neither here nor there in this case if you ask me. You spoke to her about this in your initial discussions and she led you to believe she would follow your wishes and then she hasn't. I think you need to have another chat with her and make it clear again what you wish to happen and ask if it's going to be possible. Also get your DH to sing from the same hymn sheet.

I'm a childminder and as far as my mindees are concerned my TV is 'broken'. But I have mostly preschoolers and only one after schooler so it's very easy to enforce. I may yet end up switching it on in the summer holidays if it's rainy but only as a last resort. I avoid biscuits and crisps as snacks - they are very much a treat here too. As such I don't think what you're asking for is unrealistic.

OP how long have your children been with this CM and how often have you noticed/been told that they've watched TV or been given unhealthy snacks?

I'm not sure how I'd be able to deal with two kids who are allowed TV/snacks and three who aren't but then I'm not a CM!

Well I'm nearly a childminder (!) & have just written my TV policy (occasionally: after lunch max 20mins / after school max 40 mins both age appropriate) and my treat, sweets & snacks policy (usual snacks fruit, yogurt, cereal occasionally biscuits/cakes and very occasionally sweets or crisps). I don't think it's realistic to completely ban tv if nothing else my own DC would be complaining BUT if she agreed to it then I understand why you're peeved & would speak to her about it. Incidentally, I do think you might be better off with a nanny who is only caring for your DC and you make the rules!