Child care

[cheekypickle]

I have a 11month old daughter who goes to the childminder from 9-5pm Monday to Friday.

Is this too much?

Should I be cutting down my work to part time?

What hours do similar aged babies go?

I do feel guilty that she goes so much. I should also say I've recently been diagnosed with bi polar and am recovering from spending time in hospital.

Would like to hear people's opinions, is she too young to be going to childminder so much?

no she's not too young

a childminder is, IMO, the best choice for such a young baby (standard ratios mean only one baby under 12 months, only three children altogether under age 5, only 6 altogether under age 8/your child has a chance to bond with one person/continuity of care)

finances need to be looked at - can your family afford for you to cut hours?

I have cared for babies for these amounts of hours, they flourished

You seem terribly concerned about the amount of time your baby is with the childminder (I have seen your other threads) and I wish we could reassure you

Of course it's not too much.
I can lend you my 16 yr old ds to show you he's not been damaged by the experience if you like ?

Hi random,

I know I have posted a lot in the last few days!

I even got upset in front of the childminder this morning and said how guilty I felt about her being in childcare so much , she was very nice and reassured me.

Do other mums put their babies in childcare so regularly?

It's just that my other friends have their babies more often

Thanks backforgood :)

well your other friends' circs may be different

you can only go on what is right for you and your family

it might be that your anxiety is allayed by reducing hours, but you might find that subsequent money pressures counterbalance that relief

food for thought

good luck, and your CM sounds very lovely, as indeed do you

Thankyou random numbers

It's silly I keep going over the same thing treading the same water every day!

I think when I actually get back to work full time i'll think about it less

I have minded several children 50 hrs per week over the past 12 yrs and I still see many of the early ones who are at primary and secondary school. They speak positively about their parents and about their time with me.

I hope this will reassure you.

I think feeling guilty is part of being a parent

I went back to my day job 3 days a week initially and was doing a night nanny job 2 nights a week of the weekend and once that ended went back 4 days to day job and night nanny much more ad-hoc

my little one is now 21mths and has been in childcare 07.30-4.30 3 days a week since 9mths old and 4 days a week since 13mths he had done 3 days CM and 1 day nursery until feb when we changed childminders and he now does 2 days of each. Nursery is open 07.30-6 and a friend asked why I dont leave him there til 6pm as we pay for it but I feel 07.30-4.30/5 is a plenty long enough day but know that if I needed to plan something in at work that finishes slightly later I can do it on one of those days but rarely wld.

I like going to work I love my job, I love my little one too and know he is happy in childcare but equally feel guilty sometimes but then if I was home with him all the time I would be doing cleaning, shopping etc etc and he wouldnt get to have half as much fun and structured acitivities as he does in childcare.

I have mondays off and we always go to a playgroup on the morning then after his lunchtime nap we sometimes go to friends to play or to the park or sometimes to shop but I make sure its not a day filled with boring chores.

Those hours seem totally normal to me. I've care for many babies and often at that age they can be with me 8am - 6pm 3-5 days a week. 2 of my older children started with me at 8 weeks old and although shorter/less days to start with, they were well into full time by that age and they are perfectly happy children :)

Unfortunately us parents will always feel guilty whatever we do, be kind to yourself and don't worry about your friends, their circumstances are obviously different.

To add to the reassuring messages. I went back to work when both dc's were 5 months old as I am the highest wage earner in the house. Needs must and all that. I used a childminder for the reasons mentioned above as in she provided almost one to one care when they were tiny. They were there from 8-5 everyday, although i am a teacher so that does mean i am never more than 6 weeks away from spending quality time with them. Despite what some/the media may say, they are both happy, well adjusted children who are very secure and know that they are loved (too secure at times, think they can get away with murder).

Ds is 8 now and Dd 4 and about to start reception in September. I still use the same childminder and they are part of her family. She and her family love them like they are their own and the dc's love her.

It will not harm your child in the slightest going to a lovely caring childminder, in fact it may well enhance it.

Oh and don't worry what your friends do. Everybody has to make a personal choice on this issue and that's what it is, a personal choice. You have to do what is right for you and your family. No-one should judge you for that. Out of all our friends, I was the only one who worked when the dc's were so tiny, no-one blinked an eyelid.

Of course you feel guilty sometimes, you wouldn't be a mother if you didn't but be confident in your decision and trust your instincts. Ignore anyone who says anything else.

11 months is very young and I can understand that you don't feel ready to leave your daughter for such long hours just yet. It can be very difficult for mums to adjust to not being with their children all the time. However, childminders provide home-from-home care and, so long as you trust your childminder to provide a warm, loving environment, I do think you should stop beating yourself up about this.

When I first got pregnant, my friend with 3 children said, "welcome to the world of constant guilt" - and it's true! Whatever we do, we will always wonder if it's the right thing or if we could have done better somehow.

I'm sure your experience of being diagnosed with bi-polar is not helping how you feel about this - no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed.

You could go part-time if you want to, but I suspect that even that would not assuage your feelings of guilt because feeling guilty is all part of being a mother. (I sometimes feel guilty about being a childminder because I think my 3 year old son is spending too much at our home with me and not enough time in different environments without me.)

Good luck going back to work. Please don't worry.

I worry about this. But tell myself that children benefit from being cared for by others - think of the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" - with their parent(s) as the key carers.

I know people from African countries who are raised by members of their extended family - everyone chips in. It's a very supportive environment and great for children.

So don't feel guilty - your child is getting a great experience and will always know you're their mum.

I know lots of children from 6 months old that do 7.30 till 6.30...

Don't worry about it !