a question for nannies/nanny employers

[satinandsilk]

When you go to job interviews, do you always interact with the would-be employer's children while you are there? We had a distressing experience today with a candidate who did not interact with my daughter at all, even when she tripped and bashed herself. The candidate did not move from the sofa or even really look at her. She was with us for about half an hour and didn't show any interest in the children. (She was well qualified and had a great CV.)
My husband was shocked and basically signalled at me to end the interview there and then after my toddler tripped and the candidate did nothing at all.
I have always looked for people who are more interested in the children than they are in talking to me, but this particular candidate was upset when i brought the interview to a premature close (baby was having a meltdown and I really couldn't continue the interview anyway) and said that she felt it was her duty to focus on me and me alone as the prospective employer, during the interview. She felt I hadn't given her a proper chance and said that as she didn't know our children it would have been 'artificial' for her to have interacted with them.
I am now wondering if I should handle interviews differently - perhaps by having an initial interview one-to-one without the children being there (I suppose at least that way I could focus entirely on the candidate) and then if that goes well, a second interview to meet the children? I would be interested in how others normally carry out their interviews. For what it's worth we've had a lot of childcare over the years and have not had an upsetting experience like this during interviews before, and have always found wonderful people. But I am wondering if there is something I should learn from it.

The interviews ive been to as a nanny have gone in two stages.
first i met the parents and had a fomal/informal interview
they then called me back which was when they observed me interacting with the children etc

hope this helps

I had an interview that went like yours. Totally bizarre to ignore the dc and no way would I consider employing such a person.

Same as Courtney A, initial formal interview without children, followed up by second informal meeting to spend time with children.

Yep.. Every interview I have attended 1st interview just with parents, 2nd to meet the kids.

Same again, initial interview followed by a 2nd meeting with the children present.

But, if the children happened to be present at the 1st one I would definitely interact with them - ask the toddler/older child a couple of questions, to show me a favourite toy etc If a baby was happy and not clingy I wouldn't be able to resist asking for a cuddle

But in the case of your toddler tripping and hurting herself if I was closest I may have picked her up and quickly handed her to you, if not I would have sat back and let you deal with it as being a stranger to her me dealing with her may well have made her scream more!

Thanks for this feedback. Interesting that others do interviews in two stages; parents first then children. we'll have a think about doing this next time. Would not want a repeat of today's experience which was bad for everyone concerned.

i only ever went to interviews where both parents and children were present (unless the children were asleep). i always say hello to the children and if they are happy to talk to me and want to show me toys , etc, i always engage with them while talking to parents also.

I've had an initial interview with children present and there was no need for a second interview, as during that initial interview fairly quickly I moved from the sofa to the floor - so still able to answer parents questions but also able to interact with the children better (the toddlers were aged 12 months and 2.5yrs).

I suppose it may depend on if your daughter made any attempts at all to interact with the candidate - most children I would say will make some attempt to communicate with someone new. It is that sign that I would look for as a nanny and take as my prompt to interact with the child - the parents can then either go with that, or make it clear that they want a more formal discussion.

Agree with nbee84 about a toddler hurting themsleves - if I was the nearest then sure I would have aided them but passed them to a parent. If a parent had been closest then I would have expected them to deal with it... there does come a point where I would feel the need to keep some distance as a situation may become worse if it's dealt with by someone the child does not know.

So given your candidate did not interact at all, then that I feel is not a good sign.

I have never been able to interview a nanny without my children present (I like the idea, but its not been practical for me). I usually put CBeebies on for the first part of the interview and take the nanny into the kitchen but thats the best I have managed.

Most nannies I have interviewed have interacted nicely but too intensely with the children. Some I have discounted for not interacting with them, one I discounted for going totally over the top and scaring the children by being waayyyyy too in their face.

When I've had interviews for nanny/babysitting jobs they've been quite informal but that might be because they were usually short term/temporary positions. Even so, both the parents and I took them seriously considering they were trying to see if I was a suitable candidate to look after their child. Most interviews I've had have resulted in me getting the job. Only two did not and one was because I wasn't available on all the dates they required. The other interview was one in which I interacted a lot with the children, they were very keen to get to know me! So it can't have been that that put the parents off. If anything I might not have given the mum enough attention but they were only looking for an occasional babysitter so she didn't have a whole lot of questions for me.

I try to maintain a balance between how much attention I give the children and the parents. Usually when I arrive I say hello to everyone, find out the ages/names that sort of thing and then the parents sit me down and ask me a few questions. Often one or all of the children will come over to me to show me toys or just to have a look in which case I'll always speak to them. If the children seem to be playing away from where me and the parents are, I don't shout across the room to them or anything like that. I normally have a few questions for the parents too. After that I often end up down on the floor with small children or being led to a playroom by older ones.

As for the tripping, as someone else said, if a child at an interview hurt themselves I would try to make myself helpful either by picking them up/blocking their fall if they were right by me or going off to get something the parent/s might need. I certainly wouldn't sit there and not acknowledge the incident. However, I wouldn't want to get in the way or barge in all guns blazing (I generally try to be calm and reassuring when children have little accidents like that anyway) either.

I did a first interview with no kids present and then a second interview to introduce the kids.

My reasoning was

a) if the kids were there I wouldn't necessarily see if I clicked with the nanny
b) I didn't want the kids meeting too many people
c) My husband didn't have a lot of time and I narrowed the list down to 3 that way

worked well though and we are very happy with our nanny!

I've tended to have just the one interview, kids present. The best nanny was one who started playing with DS on his PlayStation.

We interview the nanny/au pair first and then they meet the girls. Reasons A and B that EverybodySleepy mentions are my reasons as well.

I feel like your situation is a bit hard to judge, whether the candidate 'should' have been interacting with the children more.

I wouldn't have expected her to deal with a child who had hurt itself during an interview (only some cooing - a total non response would be weird.)

But I don't agree with this really:

"...as she didn't know our children it would have been 'artificial' for her to have interacted with them..."

The level of interaction the other nannies mentioned partic nbee sounds about right.

I think you can be a very good nanny but a bit shy at the interview stage if it's a first round and you've never met the parents.

I mean i don't agree with the nanny's observation it would have been 'artificial' in case that wasn't clear...

thanks again for all this useful feedback. I do feel my instincts were probably right about her lack of communication with the children. It's just odd for anyone who purports to love children not to engage with them whatsoever, however shy they may be

I prefer to be interviewed initially only by parents first. Even if it means one parent takes children for half an hour or children are busy in other room with nanny/grandparent etc.

Reason is I come with questions and whenever children are there I feel the parents don't answer them properly as the flow of the discussion is broken by children. It means I also don't get a proper "feel" for the parents either. Also I think it can be quite alarming for some children to have a lot people coming to meet them.

I also tend to stand back when I meet new children, not because I don't like children or love and care for them BUT because I like a child's decision to come to me to be natural and I don't like to push them. I do warn parents of my tactic when doing second interview and during first few days of beginning with a family - usually by the end of a week children are more than happy to come to me.

I've been a nanny for 11yrs and all the interviews I've had (admittedly not many as my jobs have all been fairly long term) have been with parents and children, I like it that way as I can see the dynamic within the family and know whether it feels right for me, if parents are hovering over children rather than interacting in a relaxed way I probably wouldn't want a second interview. I do however always say hello to the children and make sure I smile and interact with them, I'm an expert at playing and talking to children whilst answering questions its what I do on a daily basis (as I'm sure it is for every nanny/childminder/parent) I think its good to show parents that skill.

Thinking back to the interview for my current job (was 4yrs ago) I spent the whole interview sat on the floor playing my little ponies with 3yr old, with 6mth old asleep on my knee whilst mum looked through my folder and asked questions, my boss claims I got the job because I was able to answer her and continue a game of mlp seemlessly with 1 hand .

I probably wouldn't have intervened when your daughter hurt herself as I wouldn't have felt it was my place, what child would want to be comforted by a complete stranger? I would have waited until you had calmed her and then asked her if she was ok and made a funny comment or something to cheer her up (not intentionally but is something I think I would do more out of habit than trying to impress you)

My second interviews have always been more formal and have been both parents without children

First interview I do via phone to see whether our ideas are roughly aligned. Second interview is in person with children.

As a nanny it wasted my time going for interviews where the job wasn't what I wanted, as a parent I want to know whether they're comfortable with our style of parenting and I only need to ask about 3 questions to eliminate 50% of the candidates who look great on paper and sound good via email.