A question for au pair host families!

[blueandpurple]

just looking for a bit of advice really about what's normal in an au pair agreement. I'm going to work as an au pair in spain soon and the family just told me that I will not be allowed to stay in the flat when they go away on weekends, and that I am welcome to go with them. When I first agreed to au pair for them a few months ago I asked them whether they had any house rules and they did not mention this! I think it will be important for me that I have my own time at the weekend so don't fancy going away with them everytime they do for my own sanity really, and I want to set up friendship networks in the place I'm staying. So it looks like I'll be spending more money on hostels and stuff when they go away. So, basically, is this normal?! It just doesn't make much sense that these people will be trusting me with sole charge care of their children but not their home! Thanks!

no , not normal at all. find another family!

i'm pleased that i'm not alone in thinking it seems a bit crazy! the thing is my flight is on friday so it doesn't leave me much time to find a new family! will have to rejoin au pair world and see if there's anything on there starting soon!

that's mad. They obviously don't trust you and are not prepared to trust you. You should find a different family.

It is worth losing the flight on this occasion, that is not normal at all!

It would not occur to me EVER to ask for something so insane of my au pair!

The family you talk about seem to want a live out childcare but don't want to pay for it really.
Call it off and look for another family. Once you have done skype interview ask for house rules document if they have it so you can get an idea of what they are like.
I always offer our house rules document to au pairs on the shortlist and offer them email address of our previous au pair so they can get references for us and have a confidential chat with her about us.
I strongly recommend you do that.
Good luck.

That is not normal. We have had many au pairs, and never asked this of them.

thank you all so much for confirming my initial thoughts when I read the email this afternoon. The crazy thing is I asked them for house rules a few months ago and they just said no smoking inside the flat! I feel like they have tricked me. I will definitely be looking for another host family!

Definitely not normal. How did you find this family? If it was through an agency talk to the agency. I would not go ahead even if you lose your flight.

I think they want childcare 24/7, is what it means. Don't go, there are other families.

Sorry not sure if that was too clear.

i think they are setting the situation up so that you are always available to them...can't stay behind in the flat, welcome to come with us though...I can't see what else it would mean really.

i found them through aupairworld back in april, so no agency unfortunately. I have emailed them saying i am unhappy with what they have said, especially because i had asked about rules. i think i agree with you ladyharriet, they seem to have attempted to trap me into being with them all the time, as they know that it is so short notice to mention it now! it's such a shame because I was really looking forward to going and they had seemed like a really nice family :( i think it must be something to do with the husband because he sent this email and all the other emails have been from the wife.

Maybe contact a number of agencies to see if they have a position. UK agencies are not allowed to ask you for a fee and several will have connections with Spanish agencies. Otherwise contact BAPA tomorrow for a list of agencies who deal with Spain. You may still be able to find a position so you can still use your flight assuming you got your paperwork in order, including references, medical certificate (GP can do that really quickly anyway), etc.

Here - I don't know them myself but they come up if you google 'au pair positions in spain' plus lots of others come up as well

thanks for that! i will check those out and see if any are in the city my flight is too. looks like tomorrow morning i will be on a mission!

I got a placement via au pair world and it was terrible - they asked so much more of me than was originally stipulated and their house which was 'close to town' was in the middle of nowhere and the bus cost £8 return to get to the nearest town so I basically never had days off because there was nowhere to go that didn't cost a fortune and when I was in the house they'd ask me to do things.

I'd avoid that family. They've obviously never had an au pair before!

Call the agency we have used in the past, Abacus, and see if they can help you. They are based in Brighton. I know they deal with agencies in Spain.

Are you trying to learn Spanish specifically? Or get experience in childcare? Or 'other' ?

I know you've got a ticket booked there but if you are flexible about where you go in Europe it might be easier to find a family quickly.

Deifnitely odd as others have said. We have our first AP arriving in August. We are going away with my parents at the end of October (been booked since April).So for this trip we are unable to take AP,even if she wanted to come.

She will be left at home, obviously paid as usual for her week off, with a fridge of food left for her and emergency money, just incase. Equally, if she would rather not stay at home, and go travelling around the UK/see friends instead that is equally fine with us. Think that is much more normal/standard behaviour to be honest.

How much was your flight? I agree with the others, I would try and hunt for a job to start asap in Spain or lose the flight and find another family elsewhere.

Sorry that it has come to this. It is a bit hit and miss with finding a nice family/AP i think. I have to send our contract that we have written to ur new AP today and sign it so that she can go ahead and book her flight. It is pretty scary! She is the second AP we had agreed on, as the first pulled out 2 weeks ago after agreeing in march that we would host her, as another family offered her a job in June and we couldn't start until August. So I am feeling rather nervous too, on the other side of the coin.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Although I personally find it strange, it's not the first time I have heard of it.

With AP1, she had a local friend who's host family had the same rules [here in the UK], so whenever they went away - she had to find somewhere else to stay until they came back, which often ended up being with us. It definitely boiled down to trust more than wanting her to work extra.

Apparently, she really enjoyed working for them apart from this one strange rule, which the family didn't actually see as a 'house rule' which might be why it hasn't come up before.

I guess it depends on whether you can put up with it really?

Bizarre. Glad you're not going there!

thanks for the advice everyone :) i sent them an email last night explaining that I didn't think it was fair on me, especially to only mention it now, and they have now changed their minds! i guess it made them get their priorities in order when i basically said I wouldn't be coming. so i'm hoping for the best that it will all work out, apart from this, they have been really good so far so hoping they just got had a scared moment or something. and i'm sure they'll feel more relaxed about leaving me when they realise that i'm not the sort of person to trash the place/throw wild parties etc as soon as they leave! just got my fingers crossed we get on!

Hi

My name is Eamon, my partner Isabel and our little son Leo. We live in Spain and are looking for someone to come live with us and possibly work as an aupair. Any body interested please do not hesitate to contact us.

Eamon, you need to start a new thread for this if you want any chance of people reading it.

I'd suggest going on a trial basis - if you've found the post through an agency, it will be 6 weeks trial for either side anyway. Perhaps once they've met you and learned to trust you the issue will go away.

Having said that, we always liked our aupairs to be part of the family, and a big sister for our children - and encouraged them to come with us whenever we went away (though only if they wanted to).

I'm looking for an au pair as soon as possible and wondered if anyone would like to get in touch. We live in North London in Archway (Zone 2) and want someone to come and live with us and look after our 2 boys (7 and 9) who are great company...funny, kind, intelligent). We're not bad either...Alison