New at having an au pair

[theDudesmummy]

Hi,
I usually post in Special Needs as I have a three-year old DS on the autistic spectrum, but I wondered if anyone has any pearls of wisdom for me, as smeone who has never had an au pair before and has just got one. I am sorry if this is a bit long, but really any advice would be gratefully received. I am not really looking for the answer to any specific problem, just general advice if anyone has some.

Our DS is not really very difficult to look after but we have pretty specific needs as he is on a home behavioural programme for about thirty hours a week (tutors come in and work with him at home) and anyone looking after him has to understand the programme to a degree and be consistent in their handling of him. I got the au pair through an agency and was very upfront with them about the special situation. The AP was very well aware of everything and happy to take on the job, she even tells me she is excited about the challenge of working with him. She has spent her first day here translating the training notes from our therapy team into her own language so she can fully understand what we are doing (she did that off her own bat, I didn't tell her to!).

Now, we already have a cleaner/nanny, who is here three days a week during the daytime. A tutor is also here six hours a day for four days of the week. (DS goes to nursery on the other day). I work full-time (well, more than full-time really, both in a job during the week and lots at home on evenings and over weekends). The idea of the AP was so that DH and I can have a bit of quality time together sometimes (DS is pretty full-on when he is awake, you pretty much have to be paying attention to him all the time) and would sometimes be able to go out in the evenings/over weekends etc, as we cannot leave DS with any baby sitter.

(We do have two teenage daughters but the last one is just about to essentially leave home (starts University in Sept) and the other one is already at University. They used to do a bit of babysitting, taking him out when it all gets too much/looking after him sometimes etc. But now they won't be here any more, except for the odd weekend!).

So I have said that the AP can basically have all the time to herself during the week days but we would like her to help out in evenings and some weekend days/babysit/be here when we have guests around etc...Does that sound reasonable (she seems to think it is fine).

Sounds fine, but give her a clear schedule for each week with what hours she is working and when she is free - avoids any resentment.

Hi there, also on the SN board from time to time due to ASD and have an au pair.
It works really well and the only thing I would say is to remind your au pair that although they need to understand the condition and the interventions, that when they are helping out or babysitting that is actually not therapy time and that they should be supporting fun and games or normal bedtime routines. I don't know if that makes sense to you but I hope it does.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, she herself suggested a calendar on the wall to keep track of committments and be sure which days we need her here etc. My DH has suggested that we do alternate weekends, with her being available and around for all of every second weekend, so we can be in and out, go out, or I can get work done etc. Then the alternate weekend she gets off to do whatever she likes. She seems to think that is fine.

I suppose we will figure it out as we go along. She seems very willing although perhaps a litttle overwhelmed initially (there is quite a lot to take in, and right now a house full of people too, with the teenage girls here for a couple of weeks before they go off on their summer holidays for wo months!). Today it is mad around here: two teenage daughters, the cleaner/nanny, the au pair, a tutor and DH all around! (I am hiding in my study getting some work done!).

I have found the first couple of days of having an au pair a bit stressful because I was not quite sure of how it works, but I imagine the stress will decrease once all is settled in.

Have you sorted out a contract which spells out clearly how many hours, what she does/doesn't do etc? If your contract doesn't have that info you should probably revise it to make sure it is included.

I think the suggestion of alternate weekends is good, and then I suggest fixing a night or two babysitting each week be ause you can always negotiate a change well in advance and ask nicely if something last minute comes up, and maybe some time on the day when the cleaner/nanny isn't there aside from the evening although that depends how many hours evenings are and how many hours you've employed her for. Remember that if you want her around on weekends you'll need to give 2 clear days off during the week as a replacement.

There is nothing more stressful for au pairs and employers than things not being clear. Putting it in the contract also means you have a written agreement rather than a fluid verbal arrangement. In your case it will also serve to limit what she does do she's clear about what her role is.

Well we don't have a written contract but we are agreed on approx 25 hours a week (flexible though). She will never have to do any work in the daytime in the week, and we have also now agreed every Wednesday night off (as he goes to nursery on Wed so is only back home at 7pm and is always very tired that night anyway!).

So we are looking at about 3 hours each evening, 5.30 (when nanny leaves) to 8.30 (bedtime) (except Wed) in the week, so that is 12 hours a week. Then one weekend in two to be around all day Sat and Sun (so, I suppose about 8 hours each day). Plus babysitting evening (ie being here after he goes to bed at 8.30) occasionally (would be once a week or less). That does not seem too much does it?

Sounds fine, but get everything down in a written contract asap - I guess you can probably adapt the one you have with your nanny? Make sure you agree about holidays too - how many days are her choice and how many are your choice, can she only take them in term-time/school hols etc.

Ok I will do that. We don't really have term-time yet as DS is only three and so goes to nursery all year round. When the au pair arrived we already knew she had two weeks' holiday booked in July, and that is fine, and we have now told her she is coming on our summer holiday to Croatia with us in August, which she seems very chuffed about.

Her going on holiday with you isn't her holiday as far as holiday entitling is concerned. She's entitled to 5.6 weeks (including bank Hols so usually 4 weeks plus bank Hols).

You definitely need to get a written contract sorted. It's a legal requirement to do within 2 months but the sooner the better before bad habits set in. Adapting the one you have for you nanny should be fine although you may need to add in about payment for overtime if you nanny is on a very fixed or zero hour contract.

Another thing to consider is that with so much free time she might want to take another job so make sure her salary is expressed as gross on the contract and that she knows she needs to tick the 'I have another job' box when her hypothetical other job ask her to fill in tax paperwork.

I shall ask the agency about it I think! I presume they would have some kind of model contract or something? Thanks for the info, this is exactly why I started this thread, because I did not know about those kind of details. Thanks v much!

I would trust an agency as far as I could throw them tbh. Assuming you haven't employed a Romanian or Bulgarian national (who may have limited working rights) your au pair is legally an employee but but some bizarre reason agencies don't like this much and fudge it. They know they won't get in trouble because it's your responsibility to make yourself aware of your duties.

Handy tool to get you started.

Au Pairs are not always employees and it's worth being very clear that she is not, for oh so many reasons...
See here: www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Understandingyourworkstatus/Workersemployeesandselfemployment/DG_198935

That direct gov link had no legal basis and goes against an ECJ judgement. Another MNer did a FOI request which basically revealed there was no support for what they're saying, the official au pair scheme was abolished and there are significant precedents for au pairs being considered employees (or workers but for small employers it comes down to the same thing). ACAS considers au pairs to be employees and presumably would provide support for any au pair wanting to go to tribunal.

It's totally against the EU principles of free movement of labour to deny an EU citizen employment rights if they're not under an official cultural exhchange scheme, and the only remaining one of those is for A2 nationals.

I wouldn't risk it personally. It's a fraught enough situation as it is and there are no downsides to having a written contract with statutory minimum notice and paying below the threshold so no entitlement to statutory payments etc.

I would never take on any AP without a written statement of terms, if only because it makes things so much easier all round.

definitively set times for the weekend. you say available the whole weekend but then say about 8hrs per day, is very different. so maybe fixing 9-5pm sat/sun every other weekend is better. but that only leaves you with 9hrs over the week if doing 25hrs a week as mentioned, not the 12hrs you need... see where it all gets confusing? and thats without babysitting

i would say approx 12 hrs over mon-fri as mentioned. plus 12 hrs over the weekend (9-3 maybe)- although i did think it said somewhere an au pair shouldn't do more than 5hrs per day. on a weekend she is working that doesnt really leave you any time for extra babysitting as well, but on the week she is free at the weekend you could add a couple of later evening

Is there really a rule about not more than 5 hours a day? Because we have drawn it up now as 12 hours one week (when she just does 4 evenings, 3 hours an evening, and has the whole weekend off), but then 33 hours the next week (when she does the evenings and is also available 10 hours a day (10am to bedtime) on the weekend. That adds up to 22.5 hours average per week over the two weeks, iyswim. Is that not pretty fair?

Only if she's Romanian or Bulgarian and specifically here as an AP :)

there arent any rules in the uk. the unwritten rule for a typical aupair would be five hours a day five days a week, but you can agree what you like with you aupair, as long as both sides are happy and the deal is fair.
there might be some recommendation from the british aupair agency association.

Well she is Hungarian. She seemed happy with the hours in priciple, although he has not yet seen my written document detailing them (she has been out the whole weekend as it is her weekend off). We made it quite clear when we started (both with her and with the agency) that we did not need the usual type of hours (during the week days there is an abundance of people here with him, nanny, tutors etc!) but rather need evenings and weekends, and so every week day would be completely free during the day. So that has always been clear. When she arrived my DH came up with the idea of her having every Wednesday eveing off and every second weekend.

I know it is a slightly unusual arrngement but that's what i went into the wholw thing asking for....

Sorry about all the typos, DS sitting on my hand and trying to kill the computer!

Sounds fine. Hungarians have no restrictions and the 5 hour rule, although customary, doesn't apply. I would have been concerned but sadly not surprised if the agency had sent an A2 national. Plenty of peole have unusual au pair arrangements. That's one of the huge advantages of the EU.

As long as both parties are clear upfront, which you were, about needs and expectations, and respect what has been agreed, then it's all hunky dory :)

Thanks for that, I feel better now! I am very keen to be very upfront, especially as DS is not exactly a standard issue child to look after!