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Advice for first day with childminder?

6 replies

eversomuch · 28/05/2012 09:59

Have arranged childcare a few hours a week for DD (14 months). She'll be being looked after by a friend who works as a nanny and is between gigs at the moment. My friend has a little girl a little older than DD, so she'll have a playmate. But although we see them fairly regularly, DD isn't used to being left alone with other people so I'm afraid well, I know she'll freak out when I leave her alone with them.

I'm wondering if I should just hang around home the first day (I have a zillion things to do that I've been neglecting for lack of time) or take the plunge and head out into town for a few hours. If I do go out, I plan to stay home for the first hour and be gone a maximum of 2 1/2 hours.

Any advice on how to handle getting your LO used to childcare? Ease into it gently or just hope if DD does panic that she'll calm down quickly?

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KatyMac · 28/05/2012 10:06

Hi Eversomuch, unless there is more information about your friend that you haven't told us - she isn't a childminder.

As a childminder I start to settle children of your daughters age over a several week period, going from you walking round the block up to the week before you need care offering the entire week so you can hang around home and be there is needed (often a 4-6 week period & I don't charge for this)

TBH in your circumstances I would stay close to home & make sure your friend knows you are there to pick up if your baby is distressed.

Fingers crossed tho' she will be fine

BertieBotts · 28/05/2012 10:07

Do settling in sessions. If she's used to playing at your friend's house, it should be fine, so just do a short session. Make sure you say goodbye, don't sneak off, but also make it very matter-of-fact, short, bright and breezy. I know a lot of people prefer to kiss/cuddle goodbye but I found that made things worse when DS was little, it was easier just to say "Bye, I'll be back" and walk off, smiling (while he screamed and reached for me :()

You can lose the smile when you're out of eyesight, but keep happy while she can still see you.

If the childminder is any good, she'll have excellent distraction activities as soon as you're gone and DD will be absolutely fine. I used to get my CM to text me when DS had settled, and it was always a reassuringly short time!

Stay nearby just in case she really doesn't settle.

If it's at your house, I wouldn't stay in the house unless that's how you're planning to do things long term because it will be more confusing and distressing for her that you're nearby but not coming to her.

When you go to pick her up, announce "I'm back!" - see here the link with the goodbye phrase, so she starts to associate the word with the meaning.

Also, as a general thing she might become more clingy and worried that you'll be disappearing a lot, so it's good to get into the habit of telling her "I'm just going to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute" (or whatever) if you leave the room and then announcing "I'm back!" when you re-enter the room.

Good luck!

BertieBotts · 28/05/2012 10:09

That is a good point as KatyMac said to start with short separations and build it up slowly. If you have e.g. a friend or family member over and you leave the room for a minute is she okay with this?

eversomuch · 28/05/2012 10:30

Thanks for the quick replies!

KatyMac I'm not British, so am only just familiarizing myself with the differences between a CM and nanny, so apologies for any inaccuracies! I guess it's more precise to say my friend is a nanny (as she looks after kids in their own home, is not OFSTED registered, etc)?

I think the "settling in"/staying close to home approach both you and Bertie recommend makes the most sense and is what I've been leaning towards. DD does tend to get upset if I leave her even for a moment with someone she doesn't know well, and I really don't want her to panic unnecessarily for very long.

I do already keep her informed of my activities ("I'm just going upstairs; I'll be right back", etc), so that's well established and will hopefully ease the process.

Regarding staying home: I do plan to be home sometimes while she's being looked after because I do freelance work and have other home-based projects I need to get done, so I do want her to get used to someone else taking care of her even when I am home.

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eversomuch · 30/05/2012 21:11

Well, today was the big day. DD was very teary and clingy. I stayed home for the first 90 mins, occasionally leaving the room to do something. Then went out for 1 hour. When I got home, DD was quietly playing with my friend the nanny but started crying as soon as she saw me. Very clingy all day after that and took ages to settle down to sleep tonight.

It did break my heart to see/hear her so upset. Hoping it will get easier from here, although we have a few weeks' break as my friend is on holiday, so may have to start from scratch again.

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KatyMac · 30/05/2012 21:37

That actually sounds fairly good to me (esp the crying when you came back)

Good luck

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