is it unreasonable to expect aupair to offer to help with dinner if its day off?

[totallyfloaty35]

On the weekend its aupairs time off,but she still eats with us.It drives me crazy when she stands in the kitchen in the way drinking a cup of tea watching me peel veg,load dish washer,prepare everything and never offers to help.I dont know what to say as it is her time off,one friend said not to say anything as its her day off,another said not to cook for her as she wouldn't.But i cant do that it would be rude.She is a nice girl,pretty lazy re housework but good with the kids.

CD, I think children are more resilient than we expect them to be. I've gone through one childminder and three nanny's. With each change, I worried about the effect on DD. But, each time she took it in stride and hardly noticed. When our last nanny left (after almost a year) I was quite concerned. But on the day she left, DD walked into her room, saw it was empty, and said "[nanny's name} gone." And that was it. No rown. No tear. Just very matter of fact.

Jesus, uwila, that's a bit scary, don't you think? Did your dd make no connection at all with the people who were responsible for her? That would concern me, I think.

ks it sme
t ell us tell us

It surprised me, but I think it was the age and she does tend toward an independant personality. She was almost two when the last nanny departed. She would talk about her absense for a week or so, but it was a pretty matter of fact conversation. As DD will be 3 1/2 when current nanny leaves, I think she will miss her more.

We'll see....

Ks your Au Pair sounds fab...must admit I really like ours after previous bad experience she's like breath of fresh air. She's integrated really well just muck in and gets jobs done.

I was gob smacked when I got her reference from her last German family they said that they had often left her with 3 children for 1 week whilst on holiday and found her to be totally responsible. I ask her about this the other night, apart from taking advantage, she said they never even offered to pay her extra, how awfull!!

As a live-in nanny, I would often offer to help with meals and such like in the evenings/days I was 'off duty' but hanging around the house not doing much. There is no way I can have someone else cook my meal and just expect it to appear on my plate for me. In my own family, I was always involved in preparing meals, and at least twice a week, the whole meal by myself for many years so I guess it is second nature to me. Same as I can't bear to see a crying baby/child or a mother struggling or an old lady trying to push a shopping trolley unsuccessfully and so on. I would really expect her to pitch in and help, even if it was laying the table

Celtic, this seems to be the norm here with au pairs - to leave them in charge of the kids while the parents gallivant off ski-ing or whatever for a week and not to pay them any extra. Our au pair's friend regularly does this for her family's three children and the youngest is only 18 months. We've left our 2 with our au pair for a weekend,but paid her handsomely for the "pleasure" of it.

Blessings on the au-pairs whose kindness & good manners are still at work on their days off!

Truthfully though, how would you react if you were expected to go into work on your day(s) off? Apart from the indignation (unless you have a choice and actually need/want to go into work), everyone needs some rest and some me-time, right?