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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

is it unreasonable to expect aupair to offer to help with dinner if its day off?

61 replies

totallyfloaty35 · 19/02/2006 13:24

On the weekend its aupairs time off,but she still eats with us.It drives me crazy when she stands in the kitchen in the way drinking a cup of tea watching me peel veg,load dish washer,prepare everything and never offers to help.I dont know what to say as it is her time off,one friend said not to say anything as its her day off,another said not to cook for her as she wouldn't.But i cant do that it would be rude.She is a nice girl,pretty lazy re housework but good with the kids.

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Beetroot · 21/02/2006 20:56

i remeber that feeling of having an aupaor hanging aroudn while tryingto cook. It used to irritate the hell out of me.

  1. Ask her to lurk elsewhere?
  2. Hand her the cutlery so she can lay table
  3. show her time out and hint 4 start up a converstion with her and find out about her and her family etc

Rhubarb...GRRR!
real world is nannys and aupairs!

Beetroot · 21/02/2006 20:58

My best ever au pair (and one whom I am a mate with now) used to get the hell out of my house at weekends and do the LOndon thing. Perfect for all. if she was ther she woudl help becasue SHE WAS PART OF THE FAMILY. Not work, being part of the family...

Mo2 · 21/02/2006 21:10

Our au pair doesn't do anything (cook/ clean/ tidy/ load dishwasher) on her days off UNLESS it is as part of a family meal which she is sharing, in which case she mucks in with the tidying up afterwards, like everyone else (not the cooking though).

goldenoldie · 21/02/2006 21:58

Agree - if she is part of the family then she needs to act like it.

celtic66 · 22/02/2006 20:55

totally agree.....If they don't want to lift a finger at the weekend they should clear off out the house. Being part of family also extends to not watching whilst i struggle bringing the shopping in, passing on a phone messages, answering the door, bringing in the milk instead of walking past it on the way out, and leaving a pile of dirty dishes. Doing these things on a day off is not too much too ask its more about manners and respect .. two way street thing. My house felt like a Hotel at the weekends until put a stop to it.

sansouci · 22/02/2006 20:58

But she's not part of the family, is she? She's an employee & has a perfect right to her time off.

Rhubarb · 22/02/2006 21:05

Beetroot - in the real world we all do the work of nannies and au pairs and get bugger all for it! But at least my kids know who I am!

Caligula · 22/02/2006 21:09

Sansouci, that's where the problem lies. Officially, au pairs are not employees (otherwise they would be covered by the minimum wage) they are paid guests who are supposed to be treated as one of the family.

It's why it's such an ambiguous and difficult relationship, partly because every family functions differently.

ks · 22/02/2006 21:11

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pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 21:13

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ks · 22/02/2006 21:15

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celtic66 · 22/02/2006 21:15

Off course an Au pair is part of the family be definition ( on par to, treat as family member)there for act like one, and is not classified as employee's.

CountessDracula · 22/02/2006 21:17

yes that is her

omg you have an au pair ks you dark dark horsey old horse

Tanzie · 22/02/2006 21:52

"At least my kids know who I am..."

Hmmm...

Hang on a sec, Rhubarb (you nasty sour fruit - or are you a vegetable?).

Au pairs do "light housework and some childcare."
Nannies do no housework at all (as a rule), but only do childcare.

Neither are on duty 24 hours a day 7 days a week. So who does the rest of the time - the early mornings, the evenings, the night times, the holidays - in fact most of the time that the children are not at school? Oh, it must be Mummy who looks after the children in the evening, washes floors, cleans windows and does shedloads of washing. As well as supporting the family financially.

Do my kids know who I am? Too bloody right they do. Who do they ask for when they're tired or unwell? Well, it's not the effing au pair, I'll tell you that.

Shame on you.

ks · 22/02/2006 22:02

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sansouci · 22/02/2006 22:11

oh okay. just shows you how much I know about aupairs. what a thankless task it sounds!

Tanzie · 22/02/2006 22:12

Yes, KS, I am Slutmummy too. Now pay someone to do the ironing - worth every penny, but can't afford cleaner on top as well.

ks · 22/02/2006 22:13

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CountessDracula · 22/02/2006 22:14

am thinking of one must say

sansouci · 22/02/2006 22:15

Au pairs stay for about a year, right? Isn't it awfully hard on the host family to have to switch over & over? Heartbreaking for the dc.

CountessDracula · 22/02/2006 22:16

that is why i haven't

have had sam e nanny since dd born

ks · 22/02/2006 22:19

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Tanzie · 22/02/2006 22:19

Sansouci, we are in touch still with the very first nanny we had, and our last au pair. We will stay in touch with this one when she goes, as she is lovely. Yes, the children do miss them, but can speak on the phone, write and exchange photos (and they do), and we have seen our last au pair since she left us. We have only had one disaster in the form of an evil, evil, lazy nanny, whom we don't want to see again ever.

elizabethduke · 22/02/2006 22:29

where is she from
ks
tell us tesll us is he lovely
whats is she oging to do when she finihses au pairing

is she as tudent

I aupaired once
i was fab au pair

Tanzie · 22/02/2006 22:32

I would have been crap au pair. I don't like children (except mine and a few select others). The thought of being a childminder brings me out in hives.