Help me convince DH about hiring a nanny please!!

[Evap00]

Hello all,

Currently on maternity leave after having twins and will be returning to work before the end of the year. We also have DD who's 9 therefore at school. We've been looking at childcare options around here and employing a nanny seems to make more sense that paying a nursery for two babies (twins will be 14 months old when I return to work); slightly more expensive to get a nanny but more importantly a whole lot more flexibility i.e. when any of the babies gets sick they can stay at home with the nanny, wouldn't have to get them dressed in the mornings and out of the house on time to get them to the nursery... etc. the only issue though is that DH doesn't like the idea of having a one single person looking after our kids vs them being in a nursery where should something go wrong there are several people present to get things right. We've heard some horror stories about childminders but as I understand it nannies are far more regulated/ need higher qualifications, right? We would be asking for references of course.

So I guess what I'm looking for is good arguments to help convince DH that having a nanny is a better idea than putting the babies in a nursery.

Thanks!!
Eva x

Nannies are far less regulated (not regulated at all in fact) and don't need to have any qualifications.

They're still an excellent form of childcare imo (I am a nanny though so may be biased). With a nanny you can recruit the exact person that you want, so if you want somone highly qualified then that is what you can advertise for (be prepared to pay more though).

Congratulations on your twins. I'm sure there will be people along with good experiences. But just one more thing to think about: if the nanny is ill/when on holiday, you'd need alternative arrangements. 'this is something that put me off (other than cost) for my kids.
Best of luck with an agreed solution.

I'd be inclined not to generalise about nannies versus childminders - there are excellent and rubbish examples of both. However, if I was in your position (I'm a CM) I would also be looking at a nanny or possibly an au pair - depends how much you want to pay and how important qualifications are to you. It will make your life much easier if you don't have to get two babies out of the house in the morning!

What exactly do you mean by 'if something went wrong' though? If you're talking about safeguarding issues, it's worth remembering that Vanessa George (child abuse in a Devon nursery) was in cahoots with the management of the nursery which was why it went unreported for so long. There's no guarantee that more people = safer children. In fact if a nanny is someone you've chosen yourself and entrusted with your children then you're better off than they would be at a nursery where you obviously have no say in who is dealing with your children.

If you didn't get a nanny then who would look after your 9yr old before/after school and holidays

Having 3 children the only financial option that makes sense is a nanny tbh

We have a nanny. The things we like about it are:

1. flexibility
2. the fact that the children are in their own home (partly the fact that that is nice for them, and (when they were younger) partly because we didnt need to get them organised and out of the house in the morning.
3. The fact that we dont get home and have to prepare food for the DC and do all their laundry etc. Nannies will do all child related household tasks (laundry, sorting toys, cooking for the DC etc), and now our DC are older our nanny will do some other household tasks too (although not all do).
4. Although the comment above about needing to sort out alternative childcare if the nanny is ill is true, the upside is that a nanny will still look after the DC when the DC are under the weather whereas nurseries have strict exclusion rules (and chidren tend to get ill more than adults). Also, nannies tend to be quite ill before they take a day off- if they are under the weather but not really bad (well enough for the journey), they can just arrange a quiet day on the sofa with the DC (as a SAHM would do). We have had 2 nannies over 7 years. One has had 1 days sick leave, the other had 3 days (in a single block).

They are not regulated though and I think it is worth spending a lot of time to make sure you get the right person (interviewing lots of people, trial days, references etc).

I've used nurseries since 6m, and then switched to nannies a few years later. The reason was because of the children being ill a lot of times, and overall I'm happy that we did that, because it's true that nannies offer flexibility, although we've had to come to the realisation that there is no such thing as perfect childcare.

But you really do need to be aware of the downsides compared to nurseries, which can be significant:

• as mentioned above, nannies are the least regulated of childcare
• I think for 2 kids, nannies are usually more expensive than nurseries, if you take into account their tax, NI, employer's NI, food for babies and nanny, outings, nappies, heating, Ofsted registration...etc. You should calculate the costs carefully.
• cover for when nanny is on paid holiday, or off sick, or is on materntiy leave
• as with any job, there are some slackers and people with an attitude problem. These kinds of issues don't necessarily get raised by referees. Employment law in England isn't particularly favourable to nanny employers, and getting rid of a bad employee without any risk of being sued and/or getting into a "personal attack" situation can be difficult. Just look at all the stories that crop up here.

Hope I haven't put you off, but you really shouldn't enter the nanny employment world blindly and with unrealistic expectations, because it's such a potentially emotional relationship. The key is in finding the right person for you, and I think that's probably more difficult than finding a nursery that you like, especially if you haven't hired one before.

Novstar comment: there is no such thing as perfect childcare spot on.

I also agree with the rest of the post.

We have a nanny for two children. The clincher for me was that I got to choose her, I wasn't just assigned a 'key worker' by a nursery. Also being able to walk out the house to work leaving behind two undressed, unfed children is a huge plus.

Nannies are the least regulated - which can be a good thing as a nanny can do what you want them to do, what your children's current interest is - if your twins love castles, nursery might get a book and build a castle out of Duplo, or play with a wooden castle... a nanny could take them to a real castle, and get a book from the library.

There are pros and cons to all types of childcare... try to focus on your childcare need. For example you have mentioned your older daughter but she can't go to nursery!

What is your actual childcare need? What hours of care, how many days per week, is it all year round, what about bank/public holidays. What things does your daughter do/like to do after school / during school holidays. Do you have any family local, and if so could they do backup childcare or occasion?
What are your domestic needs at home - 3 children create a lot of dirty clothes, dirty bedding, general mess around the house. What about a garden - do you grow your own, do you keep livestock.

Think about your total need.
Budget - what do you have to throw at solving the need... you may have loads and be able to employ a cleaner, gardener and use nursery and before/afterschool care. You may not have the financial resources for that.
Think long term... what happens in 3 years and 5 years time. Your eldest DD changes school - 3 yrs, or is it in 2 yrs? Your twins start school.