CM Club. I feel a bit daft asking this

[Saltire]

Anys uggestions on how to manage an 8 year old .

He questions every thing we do, he argues everything and spend his whole time telling his little brother thats he''s stupid, or thick or that he can do things much better than his brother (or better than me for that matter). it is getting wearing.

Examples
His "whats this (toy utensil)
"Its a slotted spoon
"no it's not" (him)
Me " yes it is, the bigger versions are used for draining liquid off before seving
him "why would you drain the liquid off"
Me " because otherwise it would make the food soggy soggy"
"Why would it make the food soggy"
Me -"because if you had peas for example, you could drain teh water off so that the rest of the food, (pies or fish fingers or whatever) didn't get wet.
"why would it matter if it's wet. and so on and so on.

Every sentence starts either "why" "no it's not" "I'm better at that than you" "my brother is stupid". Today he informe me that he was "much better" at dominoes that you saltire" "I'm great at everything" "I am a far better reader than you saltire, rms x said I ahve the reading ability of a 12 year old, i bet you aren't as good a reader/drawer/football player/dinosaur drawer/cricketer/tennisplayer/artist than me
. He also seems to be very jealous of his little brother (who is 5, I also mind him) and is always calling him stupid, annoying idiot etc. Also if I say "lets do x" he'll say he doens't want to do it, so I say, fine sit and read then, yet the minute I start talking to his brother and telling himw aht we're doing he's ther elike a shot pushing his brother out of the way, demanding that I tshow him what I've just showed his brother.
he didn't however talk on the way tos chool today as he got told off for crossing the road without me, so huffed all the way to school.Told me "I am 8, I can cross the road without you, I'm very good at crossing the road"

His brother and the other 2 mindees I have are getting really fed up wth it and the parents of one said that "X (a receptiona ge girl) said that mindee has told her she was stupid because she couldn't draw a house". I didn't hear him say this, but it wouldn't surprise me

like I said, i feel a bit silly asking how to manage it but really feel a bit about it all,a dn his constant bragging and hogging every conversation and not listening to what I say, but doing things his way (which he says is better) is getting quite wearing

There, i've said it all now

At 8 my niece did the same... she just came out the other side ... very annoying but she thought she knew best and would not back down and thought she knew everything. She would even ask a question and when you answered would say 'I knew that anyway!'

Have you tried talking to your NCMA worker?

I had one like this, I was on the verge of giving notice. They then went to secondary and I don't know if they've grown up or because I see them only in the holidays but they are much better now!

I don't have aan NCMA worker

Do you go on www.childmindingforum.co.uk? its a fab site for ideas. I don't bother with my development worker if I need anything mumsnet and the forum are much better.

You could try making him your special helper - as he's so good at everything, perhaps he needs some responsibilities. So if he tells you he's the best reader ever, great, can he choose a book to read to the little ones while you set the table or whatever (or indeed get him to set the table if he's the only one clever enough to know where everything goes). Or could you give him something to do that is too advanced for the little ones (say I have got you this puzzle book which is too hard for the younger ones, or a model kit or something like that). He sounds jealous and insecure - maybe he would respond to having a bit of a fuss made of him.

My 8yo DD is just the same with the constant challenging everything you say & driving me nuts with her questioning me all the time. I've even resorted to the dreaded 'because I said so' lol.
I think minderjinx is right though and it sounds like he has a few insecurity & self-esteem issues alongside the 8yo hormones & developmental stage. I wonder if he gets called stupid or similar sometimes and that's why he is anxious to tell you how good he is at things, or if he is repeating what he's heard others say to his brother. It may be that because he is bright & quick a lot more has been expected of him than is appropriate or he & his brother are being unfavourably compared.
I like the idea of giving him small responsibilities that will boost his self esteem but not encourage him to 'show off', and at the same time home in on any occasions when he says something to his brother that is not negative or insulting - 'I really liked the way you helped/spoke/talked to x' just now - you were so kind/helpful/thoughtful' etc.

The other thing to try is to answer with a question:

What do you think it is?
What do you think it's for?
Why do you think the peas would be soggy?

He'll either get bored and stop asking (if he's doing it to be a PITA) or he might think about the answers and stop the 'no its not' malarkey!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I do think part of it could be insecurity - I read the posts that said that then gave it some thought.
Both his aprents are in the military, so he's always been in childcare. However,( unlike some parents I've minded for in thepast,) if either parents finishes work early then they are there like a shot picking the boys up. Also his younger sibling can be a bit boisterous and according to the older child breaks a lot of his things at home and throwns things etc.

On the way to school today- as part of a plan to get the younger two to keep moving I pretended we were looking for bears. The older mindee said
"Oh my god you 3 are so immature and childish (I was one of the 3) and I shouldn't really be expected to have to interact and socialise with immature and irresponsible people"

I stood there like wondering how he knew such big word and put them in the right context! I really didn't know how to react at first

That sounds like something he's heard.
Does he have older sisters, by any chance? It sounds very stroppy teenaged girl to me...

I like to answer questions with questions, too.
If they genuinely want to know, it helps them to work it out for themselves.
If they're just trying to wind me up, they soon get fed up of that particular game!

No older siblings - just him and his younger sibling

He told DS1 yesterday " Ds1,why are you so elevated" . DS1 is 6ft tall.
DS1 was like at him,

I think that Flisspaps suggestion is a very good one.
DS1 has a tendency to be a smart arse and I find that this approach works well.

Also when he disagrees with me purely for the sake of it (and I'm sure that he knows that he is wrong) I offer to place bets on it.

Heres a question for him
' X why are you so rude', or 'why do you talk to/about people like that, it makes you sound not very nice/horrible'
or 'it takes one to know one' let him go figure that out..
Sorry not very helpfull. but if hes as bright as he thinks he is, it might make him stop a mo and think about what he said?

I hope it's not his parents he's heard it from, then

I have a very bright 12 year old son who wouldn't dream of speaking to us like this, let alone anyone else. I do see him squirm inwardly when we all sing along to the Wiggles in the car, but he'd never comment in that rude way.

It's nothing to do with him being bright, IMO. I reckon someone is saying these things either to him or in front of him.

you could be right Tanith.
I have siblings that use phrases and words that you prehaps would not expect children to use.
The boy, hes 7 showed me his 'reading' book its Harry Potter, and funnily enough the 10 yr old girl said yesterday 'I was told I was very bright for a 7yr old, when I was 7'!!
Yep quite possibly the parents speaking.

He sounds like a brat, and the crossing the road by himself would be a huge no no for me, how dare he speak to u like that saltire, I am all for giving children self confidence And praise but this isn't on.

Is he rude to his mom? Just thinking maybe arrogant dad and issues with 'silly women' iucwim

That does sound wearing... I sympathise.

Do you think he may have undiagnosed special needs? Do the school also think he needs more attention than they would expect?

I agree with the poster who said "answer with a question".. it may be he needs extra challenges.

If he's using the vocabulary in context, as you've described, then he does sound quite bright. Perhaps he's just bored with the lower age groups.. maybe try setting him some harder challenges / older games?

ah, the "blue alien phase" DD1 had it at age 8 and now DD2 has it. DD1 constantly asked questions about what would I do if a blue alien came over the fence...etc DD2 is at it now too only her world involves penguins. Both were cheeky wee brats. I find snappy comebacks work best. Lasted about a year with DD1.