at my wits end with mindee - need advice please

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I really need some advice as I am out of my depth here!

Mindee (we will call him x) is 15 months old and has only ever eaten baby jars for age 7+ months, his mum was told she needs to start feeding him proper food as he cannot even chew small lumps without gagging and being sick.

However he would come to me every day with crisps and yoghurts and would eat these no problem.

so I offered to help wean him onto proper food by pureeing veg like I did for my own dd.

The first week was pretty awful, but after a few days I got him to eat sweet potato + carrots blending into mush, he went home for the weekend with all meals I had done for him and came back on the monday having not eaten any of them, mum told me x refused anything all weekend. And since then he won't even taste the food. Screams and scream when the bowl even comes near him. This morning he came in a total state obviously starving hungry, so gave him his breakfast and this afternoon the same screeching and won't open his mouth atall, yet when I offered a small amount of yoghurt would eat it.

I spoke to my own health visitor and she advised me to not offer anything except the puree food and eventually he will eat it, this is what I did with dd and it worked although she was 8 months old at the time.

Can anyone help? This whole situation is making my own dd refuse foods, and its no fun for anyone with x screaming and crying obviously so hungry!

Just a quick question - do you feed him from a spoon or does he do it himself?

I have a mindee of a similar age, who is quite adamant that she will NOT be helped, whatsoever, and we have similar screeching at meal times if I dare to help. Perhaps if you just give him the bowl and spoon and let him get on with it, possibly offering the odd spoonful yourself, this might work.

Failing that, perhaps offering bread and butter/marmite with really fresh soft bread that he could squish then eat, or similar easy finger foods as he seems to cope with crisps.

What does his mum want to happen? How often do you have him?

The problem with you following the HV advice is, if his mum ISN'T doing that then he may never accept the puree food.

To be honest, as soon as a child starts screaming because they don't want food my first inclination would be to just take it away and offer to get them down from the table. Do you do this, and if so does the screaming stop?

i would probably try putting some things in front of him baby led weaning style

you know, ripe pear / sticks of cheese / mango / toast / steamed courgette etc... and let him play seeing if he puts any in his mouth himself.... take the pressure off for a bit

hungry children WILL eat and WONT starve to death (although if his mum feeds him at home you wont win here)

I think your hv's advice is weird, I don't think it would be good to offer puréed food only as he nearly 1.5.

I would go for a no pressure approach, offering but not forcing finger foods (but don't let him fill up in tonnes of milk before meal time either)

Thanks for the responses;

I've tried finger food, problem is he won't even pick it up if its in front of him, he just looks at it. All he knows how to do is suck a biscuit to death or crisps.

I have him monday - friday 8-6 so 10 hours a day. 50 hours a week!

His mum wants him to be eating properly, however I'm not sure she is entirely being truthful with me in sticking to it. Its a total nightmare and very frustrating, my dd was eating roast dinners whole at 1 so I am having a tough time with it all!

Thanks for the responses;

I've tried finger food, problem is he won't even pick it up if its in front of him, he just looks at it. All he knows how to do is suck a biscuit to death or crisps.

I have him monday - friday 8-6 so 10 hours a day. 50 hours a week!

His mum wants him to be eating properly, however I'm not sure she is entirely being truthful with me in sticking to it. Its a total nightmare and very frustrating, my dd was eating roast dinners whole at 1 so I am having a tough time with it all!

Ps.. He only has milk before bed not in the daytime

Ps.. He only has milk before bed not in the daytime

i would just offer finger foods

i think the more you try and make him eat the more stressful it will be for all of you, and most of all for him.

so i would back off completely. give him whatever the rest of you are eating and just let him pick at what he wants.
no cajoling, no praising, nothing. just sit him there with his food and allow him to do what he wants with it.
give him a spoon and fork so he can stab/scoop things if he prefers.

he won't sit and starve

If he manages crisps alright, what about breadsticks with some tasty veg puree to dip into?

If Mum isn't continuing whatever you try then you're on a bit of a losing battle.

I'd go with finger foods, sometimes actually putting it into his hand, or perhaps letting him have a go at feeding it to you. Take the pressure off.

I have a pair at the moment who are helping each other. Just over 1 yr olds. One wouldn't eat off a spoon and the other wouldn't eat finger food. They sit opposite each other and are starting to copy each other. Do you have any other children who can be copied?

I only have the one mindee, although my daughter sits and eats when i am trying to get him to eat.

I tried finger foods before trying the puree stuff, He will not pick it up and eat it unless its crisps, biscuits or some other rubbish food. He doesn't have very good motor skills either so when ive tried to give him a spoon he just drums it and doesnt try eat.

I was wondering about mixing the puree into jar food and then increasing it slowly to in a way trick him into eating it. Do you think this could work?

I wouldn't mix puree into jar food, but maybe put some soft veg in with it (pieces not puree), if it's coated in his normal food he might be more likely to take it.

When he eats the jars do you feed him straight from the jar? Could you try putting something else in a jar and seeing if he will eat it. I looked after a baby once who would eat anything if it was in a yoghurt pot, offer the same thing in a bowl and she wasn't having any of it!

Have you tried giving him finger food somewhere other than the table? Maybe it's the association of the high chair and gagging/being sick that's put him off trying anything new.

i actually think it's quite common for them to gag on lumpy purees.

they get used to kind of almost sucking/drinking puree down and then can't cope with the mixture of textures in a lumpy one... so try and suck it down and then gag on a lump

this is why i think finger food is the way to go.

he may not eat much for the first few times. but if it isn't given to him he will never learn to eat it will he?
i think if he is refusing puree then you have little choice but to put the food in front of him and let him get on with it

once people stop trying to make him eat you might find he relaxes and is happier to try some new things.

i agree with giving a variety of things you know he will eat, plus some new things.
even if he just plays with them a bit he is still learning about how they feel and what they taste like.... just follow his lead

picnic when the weathers nicer or indoor picnic now?
or just leave healthy finger food around in bowls for him to help himself whilst playing.
Both these tips really helped my very fussy DD although she didn't have the gagging problem just a very small appetite and reluctant to try new things.
I found that the more wound up we all got the less would be eaten. You basically have to accept after a while that you can't make them eat so you may as well not start the battle or you will lose and it becomes all a big power struggle.

hmm, okay. Some good responses on here. Most of which i have tried but thank you all anyway!

Guess i have to keep going, he won't starve himself i am sure!

I look after a similar age mindee who up until a month ago was just chewing and spitting everything out. I just ignored it, put food in the bin when it went on the floor, and did not give any more once it was all spat out. When she did eat I didn't make a fuss, and now she is eating better (saying that she covered my kitchen in scrambled egg yesterday!) I think you need to choose something and stick to it, make meal times fun and even get him involved in helping e.g. putting things he is going to eat into his bowl etc

You could ask his mum to keep a food diary in the evenings and weekends of what foods she is trying and how much he is eating so you can mirror. You will get an idea of how committed she actually is or if she is leaving the hard work up to you.

You are not going to be able to solve this yourself and you shouldn't have to. If mum doesn't provide a comprehensive diary or you get the impression she isn't being truthful then you need to decide how to proceed.

You made meals for him to take home? You are going above and beyond. If it were me I would have a good long hard chat with mum and put a strategy in place with a date for review. If there is no improvement or you think mum isn't 100% on board (and it will work if you are both singing from the same hymn sheet, so if it doesn't work then she obviously isn't), then I would tell mum that you are not prepared to have your setting and your dd upset further and that you are going to have to revert to the baby food and leave the next step up to her.

I would record all of this in my safeguarding file as I believe this is a form of neglect and mum needs to address it immediately.

neglect? are you kidding me?
i assume you've never had a fussy eater

I dont think a 15m baby who wont eat lumps is being neglected....

its not that unusual.... i have come across a fair few children who struggled with lumps for quite a while and they were most certainly not negelected

and feeding a baby pureed food doesnt constitute neglect IMO

Try him with some food messy play. he can get used to the feel of it on his hands and you never know he may even try eating some of it.
Try
baked beans
jelly
cereal like cornflakes, rice crispies
I would try a bit of modelling and eat my dinner with him. I would try just giving him the bowl and letting him fend for himself. If he is hungry he will eat and when he sees that you are eating and not going to feed him then he might realise that he has to do it himself.