Help me Choose - Boy or Girl Au Pair?

[metrobaby]

I have found two fabulous au-pairs on au-Pair World and I need help choosing. One is a Polish Boy, 20yrs, experienced in the Scouts, has helped out volunteering on Scout Camps in the UK for the last 4 years for boys and girls aged between 7yrs-14yrs. Comes with excellent references and is VERY keen to join our family, and keeps in constant contact.

AP2 is a lovely girl, 19 yrs, German and has expereince of running Church youth groups, done a 2 wk placement at a special needs nursery, and babysat for a neighbours child. She has a bubbly personality.

Both APs come with glowing references and both APs according to our previous APs who have spoken to them, say that both prospective APs would be a good match for our family. Our dc like both APs too - although ds prefers boy AP.

However, we have never ever hosted a boy AP, and DH is worried that eldest DD who is 11 yrs, could develop a crush on boy AP. In practice, AP will not be looking after DD1 for much time as she will be at secondary school for the majority of time, and AP's role will be there to provide her with a meal when she comes home from school, and look after my younger ds and dd. DH seems to think families who have male APs only have ds'.

Squiffy - I think you said that you have ha male APs before so would be willing to hear your thoughts too on the matter

Personally, I would go with the male as he would bring more outdoorsy skills to the mix. But your DCs may already be doing lots of that stuff anyway. I wouldn't worry to much about teenage crushes. They will happen and are a natural part of growing up.

They are both qualified, you like them both. Lucky you.

Tbh I'd go for the boy - they tend to be less teenage angsty and he sounds an excellent candidate. DD may develop a crush but it's a safe way for her to learn about it and he really won't be interested so that's all it will be.

Wow - thanks for the immediate responses :-)

Fraktal - I am with you in that I think boy AP will be less moody. Present AP also thinks that as DD1 is going through a moody phase that boy AP will be much better placed to deal with her, and DD1 may be more responsive to a boy AP than a girl AP.

DH tells me however, it is more a leap of faith for him to entrust our dc to a male AP.

Well presumably he manages with his DC so I don't see why a male AP would be any different?

Is he perhaps worried that the AP will take over doing some of the things he sees as 'his' domain (like playing football with your DS)?

Sounds like your DH is worried that he may be seen as second best to the Male AP.

In my experience - I've cared for an 11yr old girl in the past - it isn't a problem if you have explained the role to your DD1. Your AP is there to help out, get her to school/back, cook tea. His room is strictly out of bounds, and her room is also out of bounds to him (if not on cleaning duty - whereby she must not be in the room at the same time). Whilst she may be attracted to him - he probably won't be to her. Though best neither of then prances around the house in the nude.

I would go for the girl, if your dh is worried about having a male au pair then why take the risk as there is another candidate available?

I've had both and prefer male APs any day of the week. My DH does too.

Top reasons to tell your DH:-

1. No teenage angst
2. Imagine how your household will be when you have three people with synched PMT
3. DS will get fitter because male ap will be playing footie and stuff with him all the time
4. Male AP will be out of your hair much more - he'll be off to gym and socialising in a way your female APs rarely get round to
5. Sky sports TV of an evening is far more palatable than endless episodes of 'Friends'

I have absolutely nothing of use to add - just had to say that I love reason no. 5 squiffy!

Squiffy - do you have any dds? If so, how old are they?

Yes, I do have a DD, but younger than yours.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. We have decided to go with the boy AP - who is delighted. DS is over the moon! We are looking forward to hosting our first male AP

How did the male AP go?
We have 3 girls & I still think a male AP would be a good move - it's a very pink household & maybe a male AP would bring in a bit of balance. DH away a lot. Be great to know pros & cons.
Thanks!