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Original poster

Nanny off sick again... how do I reprimand her nicely?

24 replies

Notsurehowtodealwiththis · 10/02/2006 08:41

First off have to say... my nanny is great with the kids and they are very very happy with her. So are dh & I.

However, since before Christmas my nanny has had a bout of ill health, which I sympathise with as I know what it's like not to feel/be well. And over the Christmas period it didn't inconvenience us too much her not coming to look after the kids as dh had 1 week leave annyway and I was inbetween jobs the second time she was ill for a week.

However, e.g. today she called up again asking whether it's o.k. not to come because she's very unwell. We said yes it's o.k. as she won't be any good to look after the kids if she is ill. Problem is... I'm ill too (tonsilites and middle ear infection... yeah!) so in no real state to look after them either, though have to say dd (4) is being a real gem, even though she's sick with tonsilitis too but already recovering, keeping ds entertained and for once listening to what I'm saying!!!

I know I've been very leniant and forgiving so far as, as I said, I know what it's like when you have a bout of where you just can't shake things... thought how can I tell if someone is starting to take advantage?

Anyhow my question is... how do I broach the subject that nanny needs to get her health sorted without alienating her? I know... some of you are probably goingto say... don't worry about alienating her as I need to be able to rely on my nanny to show up so I can go to work.

btw dh couldn't stay home today as he's got a major project at work and the only valid excuse for not going in would be 'death' iykwim...

I'm off to the doc now. but appreciate any tips and hints.

Cheers

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edam · 10/02/2006 08:47

Are you concerned that she's not really ill and is making excuses? Or that she's actually not that ill and could come in? If she's genuinely sick she's genuinely sick and there's not much you can do about that. Except tell her to see a doctor.

Being a mummy is different to being a nanny - you can't apply the same standards. Yes, even when you feel like death, you look after your own kids, you've got no choice. But you can't demand that an employee does the same. If you suspect she's not making an effort, you could consider only paying statutory sick pay or not paying for the first few days - but it depends what the contract says. Check out the DTI website for relevant employment law.

Original poster
Notsurehowtodealwiththis · 10/02/2006 08:52

Oh I believe that she's ill and I know that it's different when you are the mum... you have no choice but to look after the kids - wouldn't it be nice if you had

It's just that lately she's off sick a lot... ill health happens, I know...

contract says not paying for first 3 days, however so far I have been nice and paid her because she was severely ill and not taking the micky and it had not inconvenienced us...

OP posts:
nzshar · 10/02/2006 08:58

Personally i think you are being a bit tough on her. Sounds like the whole family has come down with illness so why do you think she wouldnt be feeling as rough as you are right now, after all she has been exposed to the same germs as you and your family recently.
Also i do think that this year there seems to be an abundance of nasty bugs going around that have knocked people for six. Just need to look at the number of schools etc closing due to this.
As edam says she dosent have to be with the children like us mums if she is genuinely ill.

HellyBelly · 10/02/2006 09:06

Sorry, I agree. There's been all sorts of horrible germs around so far this year and I know lots of people who have been really poorly, including me.

DissLocated · 10/02/2006 09:22

When I worked I used to do a lot of absence management. We used to tackle staff informally who had more than 4 occasions of sickness in a year. This informal route would basically involve sitting down with the person, talking about their illness, what they were doing to manage it, what we could do (if anything) as the employer and our expectations for attendance.

If your Nanny's had less than 4 occasions I wouldn't act beyond a quick chat about how she is feeling.

If she's had a lot of sickness you are able to tackle it, even if the sickness is genuine, but this is quite a complex (and tough) area and I would say virtually impossible to do in such a close relationship without alienating her. You probably have to view this route as a prelude to sacking her.

What's her absence level been like over the year? Is it such a problem that you have to think about dismissal? If not, given the nature of your relationship, it's probably best to keep talking to her in a supportive manner, asking how she is, when she expects to be better etc etc If you do decide it needs tackling then you probably need to get some detailed advice from a legal point of view on how to handle it.

tortoiseshell · 10/02/2006 09:28

This is the downside of nannnys as opposed to nursery isn't it! Without knowing your nanny personally, I feel a bit sorry for her - having had 'the bug' for 6 weeks now, and knowing lots of other people in the same position, if someone asked me 'when I expected to be well' I wouldn't know what to answer - working with children you're bound to pick up more bugs, and legally you're entitled to sick pay/leave if you're employed. rules here . I guess you've just got to accept that you're the employer, and work out what is fair to your employee. After 7 days I think you can request a medical note, which would avoid the risk of being taken advantage of.

If you're otherwise happy with her, I think you should stick with her, as a good nanny/child relationship is important.

Greensleeves · 10/02/2006 09:43

If she is genuinely ill, then she doesn't have to work. You can't just say "no, you've already been ill this month, it's not convenient this week". She's ill - end of. That's the downside of employing human beings I'm afraid. You can't "reprimand" somebody, nicely or otherwise for being ill! Did you stipulate in her contract that she had to have a stronger than average immune system?

tortoiseshell · 10/02/2006 09:45

I agree Greensleeves - that's what I was trying to say but you put it better!

boyzone · 10/02/2006 09:50

You are being very unfair, you are sick, she is sick - what is the problem? She is a good nanny so don't say anything, why do you want to accuse her? Do you want her to be unhappy and then leave?

boyzone · 10/02/2006 09:53

Are we being duped here? Reading it through again it seems a strange post

Original poster
Notsurehowtodealwiththis · 10/02/2006 10:06

not being duped

reading your posts I actually agree with all of you... guess was just feeling sooooo sorry for myself this morning because I was/am in so much pain

Just needed to have some sense knocked into my aching head Cheers

She is a lovely nanny and I know a lot of bugs have been and are going around. And I have not considered letting her go. It has been more than 4 occassions and I do consider myself as a considerate and encouraging employer I always make sure I check on how she's feeling, coping with the kids etc. and if she looks tired when iget home from work I offer that she can leave straight away (she usually stays for another 30 mins).

OP posts:
Emelie · 10/02/2006 14:33

sounds like ur pissed off with the nanny not coming in because ur ill, and dont wnat to have to watch them

as a nanny myself, been with this family nearly a year and havent had a day off, i cna understand it may inconvience you, but at the smae time if shes ill she cant work. you said your family were all ill, so maybe the nanny has it as well. on the other hand if she is just playing for time off that is a different matter, i suggest if she has more than 2/3 days off to get a note from the doctors.

ChicPea · 10/02/2006 14:46

Generally if you employ a nanny on a live out basis, if they have a cold, they are away from your household and they may not turn up for work. If however they are living in and ill, they still turn up as they just have to go downstairs. They may complain and you may send them back to bed or give them pain killers/decongestants/sore throat tablets but that is the difference. I have never had a live in person (nanny or housekeeper) sick!! They have a cold and like me get on with it. I have also so employed nannies/housekeepers on a daily basis and when they have had a cold, they call in sick. The benefit of employing a live out nanny is that you have the house to yourselves once she has left. The downside to employing a live in nanny is that she is always there but that also applies to her turning up for work everyday!!

I recommend SSP. It's then up to you to offer full pay given the individual's circumstances.

lemonstartree · 10/02/2006 23:27

Hi I do understand how you feel Our nanny started in september and has had a few days off sick. (6) I do think she is genuinely ill and not skiving. But it IS hard when you need reliable childcare. One thing I don't think I realised is that one ill child who can't attend nursery/school can be 'looked after' by grandparents/friend for a couple of hours. If the Nanny is sick its all 2/3/4 children who need care. Cue Mum or Dad having a day off.

It is hard but worth it is she is fab with the kids and you are happy ( as we are )

Skribble · 10/02/2006 23:39

I can't understand why you want to reprimand her if you know that she was genuinely ill???

As for being in no state to look after them yourself, thats what happens when you are a mum.

Greensleeves · 11/02/2006 00:07

Quite so Skribble. I have had a temperature of 103 for the last three days, I can barely see for migraine and I have a chest infection, and both my kids are ill, but I can't afford a nanny, so it's tough shit. Welcome to the real world.

ShaysMummy · 11/02/2006 00:12

sorry im in a bad mood atm, so i found 'im not in a fit state to look after them either' or whatever it was quite amusing!
wish i could say that when i was ill!!!

Skribble · 11/02/2006 01:24

DS has had a throat infection all week and was really upset that I would catch it, I said its OK darling I am a Mummy!

omega2 · 11/02/2006 18:52

Unfortunately it is one of the hazzards of being a nanny - catching all the lovely bugs the children have! Most nannies i know feel guilty for taking time off ill as we know how inconvinient it is but sonmetimes it can't be helped.

Isyhan · 11/02/2006 19:47

Maybe she just isnt getting any job satisfaction and the fact that you've posted a thread about her illness on here may have confirmed why!

Original poster
Notsurehowtodealwiththis · 11/02/2006 20:01

ok first off... 1/2 way up this thread I already posted that I agree with what people had said so far and that I just needed a good reality check. I was feeling sorry for myself and as I had nobody to talk to I unloaded on mumsnet...

so some of the comments made after my last post I find a bit uncalled for.

I fully appreciate that nannies are mega exposed to all the bugs (as are mums and are not superhuman. As I said... I was ill and in the dumps.

As for the jobsatisfaction post... erhem... I actually consider myself a good employer! I do not impose many rules... them being ... take kids to nursery, pick them up, feed them and take them to the occasional extracurricular activity and play with them. How she actually fullfills those are entirely up to her. She does not need to report back to me about every little thing. I wish I had that much liberty in my job!

And yes... mums have no choice but to look after the children. I KNOW! However me having a nanny is not a luxury that allows me to say 'I don't feel like looking after my kids'... I actually would have gone into work on that day (as I don't get paid if I don' work) drugged up to the hilt, hence not quite fit to look after kids as Ihave a tendency to be very short fused when doped up. Not nice for kids.

So I hope it is now clear that
a) I do like my nanny and how she deals with the kids and
b) I just had a bad day when I posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsurehowtodealwiththis · 11/02/2006 20:03

re-reading this I notice that my tone is a bit aggressive... sorry still ill as and now the dreaded PMT has hit... that's my excuse anyhow

OP posts:
blondehelen · 11/02/2006 20:33

haven't read whole thread so sorry if has been said before, but i would encourage her to see a gp. Last time I sickness managed somebody, she went to her GP and had a blood screen and it discovered a thyroid problem which had suppressed her immune system. If this is unlike her, might be worth getting checked out.

mandieb · 11/02/2006 22:42

Stick to the PMT and dont say another word . LOL

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