Friends with the nanny?

[Grabaspoon]

On a tangent from the other thread; where it was mentioned about the nanny being friends with your own friends.

Due to the nature of my job and my bosses career I have always been in the position where I knew a lot of people that she knew ie wives of her colleagues however she was never friends with these people and would only meet them intermittedly at events ie 3 times a year - she wouldn't know them to speak to in the street and would not have them on her facebook, in her phone book or see them as friends of hers.

I am now in the position whereby we now have 2 friends in common

1. a wife of a colleague - she sees this woman on a weekly basis, has her number, has been out to dinner with her and her husband and is on a friendly level with her.

2. a mum friend of mine from a toddler group offered to do me a favour whilst I wasn't working and this has led to a friendship between my employer and her. They have had playdates together and although they haven't just done coffee or been out as friends (unlike myself and the mother) I know that she likes the fact that she has made a local friend who has children (alot of her friends don't) and who she also gets on with.

I have both friends on facebook and am unsure just how much of a friend they can be to me if they are also friends with my employer - ie a casual moan about work, or a comment on facebook (heaven forbid my boss ever saw my photos )

So the question is nannies and employers can you have friends in common?

My initial answer would be no, especially if they are her friends first. No matter how well you get along if anything was to go sour between you and your boss they would prbobaly side with her, unless it was evident where the problem was.
Thinking about it now though it might be able to work if you have a very open conversation with your friends about keeping the line between you and her seperate. We all have the right to rant over work problems and have wild nights out that have nothing to do with our employers but you don't want them to be discussing you over coffee the next morning.

But the 2nd mother was my friend first

I think it depends on the personality of you and your employer.

For me the answer would be, No. We can be friendly with each others friends, but my employer would never socialise with any of my nanny friends and I would never socialise with any of her friends, unless it involved the children.

It's funny because we've never discussed it, but a line has been drawn to the point where there are children at the school that I will host a playdate for as their parents are 'my friends' and others that MB would host because they're 'her friends'.

I don't socialise outside of work with any of the parents from the school though.

I don`t socialise with any of the parents from school either ,I also wonder how many are friends with their boss on facebook ,I am not and I am sure she prefers it this way also.

Haven't thought about it as we seem go have arrangement that holy Lenten says.

I am not friends with my boss on facebook - and don't think I ever will be; even when I finally leave this job. I have a friend who does have her employer on facebook and I find that a bit

I work a 60 hour week and am the one that does all the playdates and groups so that is how I met mother 2, I met mother 1 at a group too however the following evening my boss met her for the first time when she went out to dinner with colleagues.

I would never normally have friends in common with my boss; the whole you don't create drama on your own doorstep however because we moved we are both having to make new aquaintances and obviously she's picking up my friends who are mums as a good opportunity to have her own mum friends.

I see both of my friends once a week, and my boss sees them monthly if that. I'm just getting a little about carrying on friendships with 2 lovely friends if they are also friends with my employer.

You don't sound as if you like or respect your boss much . That seems to come across more from your last post than trying to figure out what the correct line is. Along with a sort of playground "she is my friend not hers".

I'm friends with my employer on fb . She requested me!! Yes we have our working relationship, but we are also friends

I wouldn't like it if my nanny became friends with any of my actual friends.. from my perspective, it would make things awkward (obviously different if nanny were friends before she became my nanny etc.).

I also wouldn't like it if my nanny became friends with any of the school mums (as opposed to friendly).. I know of one nanny who goes to school mum nights out etc, is on Facebook with the school mums etc. - she doesn't have children of her own (yet) and her contact with the school is through her employer's children, and the employer is not part of the group.. seems really odd to me, I wouldn't like it (but maybe I'm weird )!!

PS - OP, i feel for you - very awkward that your friend has now seemed to develop an independent friendship with your boss.. I can see that that would be a bit hard. I guess it's your friend's choice though - you can't really be territorial (even though you may feel it - I might too!).. maybe bear with it for a bit and see how it progresses?