Childminders Club - Need advice re: a mindee, please help me with my sticker chart :-)..............

[HellyBelly]

Thanks to the great advice on here, during my week off next week I'm going to put together a chart to help with some behavioural problems. I was going to use stickers but I've decided I want to do BIG smiley faces for good and sad faces or crosses for unacceptable behaviour etc.

As mindee is very competitive, this SHOULD work really well (she says ). What's best with things I'm not happy with? Sad Faces, Crosses or any other ideas???

BTW, she will be 3 next week.

Now I'll tell you the problems i have with mindee (have different problems with ds that I will put on his side of chart) and maybe you could help me with sections needed for my chart?

1. Lying - this happens a lot but she's very sneeky so it took me a long time to realise this was going on. Ds ended up being blamed for everything and then I realised it wasn't him (won't go into it as this thread will be long enough as it is ) a lot of the time. Examples: most regular is saying she doesn't need the toilet when she does, however, this is more a lazyness thing than a naughty lying thing. Another regular is saying that ds took something off her when I saw he picked it up from other end of room - what she means is she wants it! Or ds has hit her when he hasn't. If something is going on upstairs and she's been told she can't go up, she will then say she needs the toilet, I say 'are you sure' she'll say yes and then nothing happens on the toilet - after a few times of this we realised it's her way to see what she wanted to see! Loads more, this is just a few. (used to lie and say wanted apple etc. after lunch, I'd make sure she was sure, chop it up and put in bowl and then she'd say she doesn't want it - discovered was delay tactics as didn't want to have a nap!)

2. Toilet Training - we started training 7 months ago. She was great, got it straight away but she's got lazy recently. When I thought she needed the toilet, I'd ask and she'd insist not and then wet herself. Then I started saying let's try anyway as I really believed she needed to go and she'd push me scream saying no and then eventually agree and would be a little wet and clearly needed to go. She now accepts that when I say she needs to go, she has to go and try (and always clearly did need to go). I'm managing to notice the signs a lot more and prevent accidents but she's still always saying no! The problem I have is that when we are at toddlers, the park or even just having fun at home, I sometimes don't notice her looking like she needs to go, she doesn't tell me than I see she's soaking wet. She's wee'd on my chairs, on my lap (walked around soft play/ball pit place with wet jeans ), on the swings, on toys at toddlers etc. and I just don't know what to do. I'm hoping smiley faces for dry days will help but any advice would be GREAT! I KNOW the reason for wetting herself at toddlers is not down to me not being there (I'm always in sight and watching out for her needing to go), it's usually when she's on a particular sit down toy and she doesn't want to go to the toilet because then she's lost it and someone else will be having their turn (problem is I don't think they like the toys being wee'd on! ). Mum wants her to go in time out when this happens - what are your opinions?

3. Mealtimes - won't go into detail here as done that on another thread and got great help. Basically she took too long but I found reasons why and she no longer has a daytime nap which has helped. I still want to praise eating well/eating in less than 2 hours etc. AND the main thing I want to stop is her saying she doesn't want anymore when clearly it's because ds has finished and is playing so she wants to play. She ends up going home hungry and having to be fed again

That's the main stuff (lots of little things but think this thread is long enough )

Any advice on these problems and/or tips on putting my chart together would be very much appreciated

By the way, mindees mum is TOTALLY with me on all this. We're working together to try and sort it all out.

Sorry it's so long but I needed to explain!

I would be inclined to only have stickers for good behaviour - nothing at all for bad. Reason is a 3 year old (if my dd is anything to go by) LOVES stickers - any sticker - and would probably be quite happy with one with a sad face cos it's still a sticker! Alos thinkl at that age they're probably to small to tell teh difference. She will though be able to understand why she isn't getting anything at all.
I used stickers quite effectively with my dd when she was witholding poo and was getting really constipated.

I personally use a smiley face (or sticker) for good behaviour, leave the space blank for mildly bad behaviour and use a sad face for unacceptable behaviour. This works best for my ds but I found this out through trial and error. The ed psych advised me that I should only make a record of good behaviour and not use sad faces at all but in our case ds responds better to the system i use now. He is 5 though. I know from doinf a bit of research on this over the last couple of years that you are encouraged to use only positive things so perhaps you could try just the stickers/smiley faces for good stuff first and see if that works. Ds has a daily incentive in that the amount of time he gets on his computer games is determind by the number of stickers he gets. He also has a weekly reward based on the number of stickers he gets in a week.

Hope that helps. Good luck with it

Thanks for that! I appreciate any advice as I'm new to all this I only got the sad face/cross thing from House of Tiny Tearaways but I guess they were older?

Another thing I thought I'd do is maybe have a trophey each week (or whatever) for the one with the most smily faces (her mum thinks this will help as she's so competitive - might help my ds too?)

What do you think of that?

That might work but it could also cause problems - if she's that competitive then not 'winning' the trophy might be too much for her. With ds we have a sort of graded system. If he gets just a few stickers (in other words not a good week) he gets a small lolly; if he gets a few more he gets to choose a magazine; if he gets quite a few he gets to hire a dvd and if he gets nearly all of them he gets a small toy. We started out making the targets very easily acheivable and then increased the number of stickers required for each reward as his behaviour improved. This worked well as he very rarely went without a treat at all and he also saw that his sister was getting to hire dvds etc and that made him try harder. Its important not to make it too difficult to get the reward - especially at the beginning - as lots of children will just find it too hard.

Great point and if the mum agrees to buy things then fine but I can't afford to buy extra's for different mindees on a regular basis iyswim. Can think of other rewards though!

Perhaps you could be responsible for the daily treat. Something she likes to do like go to the park or do some painting. Then her mum could do her weekly treats. It will be good for her to understand that her mum will know exactly how she has behaved when she is with you.

That's the sort of thing I meant. Thing is we do all that stuff anyway so I need to do something extra that's seen as a 'treat' rather than everyday stuff. Will have a think but some other childminders may have some idea's?

Her mum already knows how she's behaved and mindee LOVES telling her she's had no accidents (on the odd days she has none) - hopefully she'll love telling mummy how many smiley faces she's got.

I've seen these charts have different sections before (on tv) but not sure if a 3 year old would understand the different columns (although I reckon she would as she's bright like that!)

Also, what I have a new mindee starting in couple of weeks for one day a week. He's a year younger. Do I add him to chart? If not, will he wonder why others are getting treats?

I wouldn't do "negative" stickers at all, because you only want "good" behaviour to be acknowledged.

I also wouldn't put mindees and your ds in competition with each other. Your ds might try really hard one week and do really well, but if someone else had one extra sticker, then he "loses". Each child needs an acknowledgement for their own good achievements.

Re. the rewards - is there an activity that they are not usually allowed to do (being on the PC? feeding a pet?) that they could do? Could you have a list of activities that maybe you don't do that often or that are particular favourites, and she gets to choose which one?

Our local school has a "child of the week" - the child with the best behaviour/working hard gets the accolade and a big sticker (and that's all), but the child is just so proud!

I think I probably would put new mindee on the chart if everyone else is, you'll just have to think of daily rewards that don't cost much!!

Thanks TP. Will just do POSTIVES then (don't watch House of Tiny Tearaways much but that's where I got the sad face/cross idea from)! Do you think stickers are better than big smiley faces then?

Ok, competition idea was mum's so will say that's not such a good idea. SO, would I just have a seperate chart for each then? Anyone able to recommend what makes them get rewards? I.e. how many stickers/faces?

Sorry if I sound thick here but trying to get my head round the treat system. Let's say they choose painting as their treat, if one does well on that day but the other not so well, does that mean that only the 'good' one gets to do the painting? If so, isn't this going to upset the other too (referring to the not being a competition comment). Not trying to be funny, I'm just trying to get my head round it!

Love the 'Child of the Week' thing with the sticker BUT that's similar to my idea with the trophey isn't it?

However I do this, it's going to end up a sort of competition between ds & mindee as I only have the 2 year old on Wednesday's and the other is a baby.

Thanks for all the advice - it has got me thinking

It doesn't have to be a competition between your ds and the mindee. Perhaps the rewards they get can be different things, so each of them is working towards something different (did that make sense?)

I think any kind of sticker is good, be they stars, smiley faces whatever (perhaps choosing the stickers could be a reward!!!)

If the mindee gets to choose the activity, they should both be able to do it - it's the choosing that is the reward (not sure whether mindee would think this is a reward??)

Brain is mush at the moment, so am still trying to think of rewards that don't cost money! You can buy fairly cheap colouring books, pencils, "stocking filler" type stuff??

Helly

Havent read the thread as Im in the middle of washing my carpet (puppy has gone home yay!).

My thoughts on behaviour charts/rewards is this.

On the first day or so go totally over the top with positive praise and stickers. Give stickers for any tiny little thing that she has done. (Oh well done you ate a pea, have a sticker!!!. Oh your playing so nicely for that 1 minute period have another!!! etc etc etc. They need to quickly see the benefit of stickers at the outset I think.

Also, I dont think you should encourage her competitive streak too much as this may be counter productive in your relationship with your DS. I would do it more subtly ie when your DS does something right really make a fuss and big him up giving lots of attention to the fact he has a sticker and her competitiveness will kick in then to encourage her to do something to get a sticker.

Make the chart portable so that you can use it when out and about - the reward has to be then and there to have any great effect IMO.

At 3 - rather than waiting until the end of the week I would have a reward each day - doesnt have to be big or expensive just something to keep her interest and encourage her to do the same or better the next day! Sometimes they get bored of the sticker idea when they have to wait five whole days to see anything for their efforts.

There are lots of good sites for reward certificates you could maybe print out a load and she gets to take one home with her to show her mum and dad if she has had a generally good day.

Also to the things that mean most to you (the lying, toilet training and mealtimes) give her the most praise then to really drive it home that those are the things you really want her to do.

phew - what a load of waffle

I meant to say her relationship with DS not yours!!

Thanks for that guys, was just worried about the competition thing as they really are into the same stuff so would probably choose the same (my guess something like the lounge carpet covered in paper, trays of paint, dipping in hands and feet and making a right picture ). I just couldn't get my head around whether they both did it or just the good child (IF say one had no smiley faces). I've already been rewarding in my own way i.e. last night I told mindee that if she had no accidents at school in the morning, she could have chocolate buttons after lunch for a treat. I reminded her when I saw her in the morning (with her mum dropping her at school) and when I picked her up she couldn't wait to tell me she'd had no accidents and can she have her buttons after lunch! (they don't usually get chocolate so this is a real treat ). Hoping a formal chart will make her want this all the time

Talking of competitive streak, I completely see what you mean. Unfortunately, a lot of the behaviour problems with mindee have arisen since my ds started being a good boy as she can't stand anyone else getting any positive attention (she still gets loads).

Sure with everyone's feedback I'll get something sorted next week. Will keep you posted on our progress.

p.s. TP - by smiley faces I meant with like felt tip pens (as they are always ripping stickers off any artwork on the door etc )

agree with all focus on the positive only and reward this. There's too much at this stage to deal with individually.

you could use an apple tree and they place apple stickers on tree, once tree completed get reward. (my 3yr old would like this and understand she was collecting apples for being good)

How about balloons as daily rewards. or getting to use the computer and printing off a picture from crayola or cbbc to colour in or make? (DD loves this one, using the printer is the best bit and colouring at that age is very quick!) You need to reward quite quickly so if you're doing this at the end of the day it might be a rush with home time and of course the long meal time!

I'm getting tired so hope this makes some sense. DH is a behavioural specialist so I'll have a chat with him and see if he can think how you can tackle individual problems and get back to you.

Hellybelly

ELC do reward charts - I think they call them incentive charts. They are really colourful and use magnets rather than stickers so that they are reusable time and time again. I use these with my children and they love them. There are several different types of magnet that they can choose from and for ds I use sticky stars as well to record his time at school.

With dd (7) I use it as a goal chart and we agree on 3 or 4 things that she is going to work on. With ds (5) I use it to record the day in time slots - eg Before he gets up; getting up until school time; school time; afternoon at home; tea time and bedtime. This works best with him as we found that when we gave him particular goals he could just about meet them but his general behaviour was just as bad and it seemed counterproductive to be rewarding him for meeting one goal when the rest of his behaviour was unacceptable.

Rather than thinking up a new treat you can use something they already enjoy. With ds it was time on his computer games - each sticker earns him some time and the more stickers he gets the more time he can have on his games. This is his daily reward.