help! difficult au pair situation, and can anyone recommend a good agency in Cambridge

[MizZan]

After a few years of truly lovely au pairs, our current one has been a challenge since day one, when she spent her entire first day crying, including doing so in front of our 6-year-old. I should have just sent her home then - hindsight is a wonderful thing. Anyway leaving aside the intervening months when she has been less than great in a number of ways but at least somewhat more emotionally stable, and good with the kids, we now seem to have hit a long patch again where she's bursting into tears in front of me every day (not, I hasten to add, because of anything I say to her). It's making me crazy, and she either sits around with a sour face the rest of the time (a morning person, she is not...), or is emotionally "up" to the point of near hysteria. I exaggerate slightly - but not that much.

So - she was meant to stay till July, and it would be far more convenient if she did, but she appears completely miserable despite insisting she is not, and she's making all of us miserable too (other than my younger son who does like her very much - the older one is just mystified). We have to get rid.

First question is, can anyone recommend an agency around Cambridge that is good. We have usually found APs online, but I need a faster and surer solution this time.

Second question is, how best to handle, in the meantime? On top of all the crazy behaviour I have also been manipulated into saying yes to having her parents come stay with us (we just moved house, no bed for them, boxes everywhere, but when I said "please couldn't they stay at a guesthouse like the parents of every other AP who have visited" was again met with floods of tears over how they could not afford it (DH and I are now considering paying for them to do this, though we haven't told her); and also into allowing boyfriend to come stay for extended visit over bank hols after having already said no once - again requested in floods of tears.

just looking for any words of wisdom really, or for anyone who's btdt. thanks.

I'm not quite sure how you have allowed the situation to get to this stage. I think we all let things slip to an extent but this is completely taking the p£$%!

Using an agency won't necessarily guarantee a good aupair experience, particularly at short notice. What kind of childcare do you need? Presumably your current aupair is only providing back-up care around nursery/school? Could either you/dh take some time off work, work shorter hours until you sort something out? Could you employ a nanny temporarily? Could a nursery nurse/TA from school/someone you already know provide some care in the interim?

If online has worked well for you in the past, get your profile active again, maybe search only for aupairs who are already in the UK and take it from there.

And for Miss Misery, I would give her a week's notice and pay for her flight home. Regardless of what she says about not being unhappy, it is not normal to be in tears every day. How will you cope if her family/boyfriend arrive and she is still upset while they are all in your house? What on earth are they going to think about her situation?

thanks annh. I guess it is good to have another perspective on it. it does seem like she is taking the p but I always feel I don't want to be mean. DH and I both work very long hours in very full on, full time jobs - so we are not around much and we have a lot of incentive to try to make things work with whatever childcare situation we already have in place. We have no relatives or alternative care to fall back on. AP is not just "backup" care for us - she is of critical help in the morning (DH leaves before the kids even get up and I also have to get ready for work which usually involves a long commute, and the 2 kids go to school in different places), and after school until one of us is home from work, which is normally not till 7. I also travel for work from time to time so AP is really indispensable for us on those days. She was ok for quite a while but things seem to have gone completely downhill over the past month. It's not a situation where we can just let her go and hope for the best - we would not be able to manage the cover for more than a week or two at most. temp nanny is not a bad idea but because we only need care in early morning and afternoon/evening, I think it will be difficult to find. but maybe I will try.

I had another thought, could you get a student to help out? Even temporarily? You are in Cambridge, do they have free time over Easter? It might be attractive to someone who is spending most of their time studying during the day but wants some money as well.

Online is no worse than an agency - take a 2 pronged approach.

I agree about getting rid though. Give the notice in your contract and if you can find a replacement I'd offer pay in lieu. She may perk up if she knows she's going home.

How long do you need someone for? Do you have any contacts who might know of overseas students/gappers looking for a job?