nursery place - what would you do

[ponderingit]

childcare is expensive - we have a free place due to my husband studying, baby is 7 months old. i have been putting dd in it once a week maybe twice for 2 hours since she was about 5 months, she gets on well and im very pleased with the staff. i have no reason to put her in nursery - i am not working at the minute. it enables me to get a break, get caught up with housework, get some groceries in or have a bath. im really struggling at the minute with sleep, relationship with dh, and also general health is not great. i love dd but i have to admit i do love the 2/3 hour breaks. my question is - if you had free childcare like this, how often would you use it if you were a stahm? i was thinking of putting her in 3 days a week for 2-3 hours. but part of me feels guilty like im not working so why should i...yet it does me good. but i worry what people think. am i being a bad mother if i do this? or do people only put their child in as a last resort. i repeat, i do love my dd, and do lots of things with her the rest of the time. please give your thoughts!

If you're a better mother for the other 21 hours a day, and you know she's happy and safe, what's the problem :)

i guess i haven't really told people about it as i worry they will think 'can she not look after her child' or 'why does she need so much breaks' etc etc. dh didn't want me to tell his mum she was even going to nursery incase she was annoyed. She is learning to interact in there and she loves the games they play. i know the key worker quite well now and am very happy about it...
i guess i worry people will think im a waster? im lazy? as most people are working if their kids are in care! i am planning on going back to work but not until september.
if this is ok and right, why do i feel so guilty, and why do i not want to tell people?!

What you suggest sounds reasonable. I have a 7mo as well who is soon to start part-time nursery 3 full days a week (as I am going back to work). My husband suggested I put her in for a few half days when she was younger to give myself a break, but she has had terrible separation anxiety since she was about 4mo, so I never did. She seems to be getting a bit better with that now so if I was not going to go back to work at all, I would definitely be considering 2 half days a week or such like. I don't think you need to feel guilty about it at all - it is a difficult job and you are on-call 24/7!

In that case, your dh and his mum can damn well look after a 7 month old full time for weeks on end!!

If I were in your position, I would have her in there for a lot more than a few hours a week.

And I would be using the time to read books, have long baths, go swimming and to the cinema - generally having a life!

And I would NOT feel ashamed of it

I am firmly of the happy mummy = happy kids school of thought, if having some time to yourself whilst DD is enjoying herself at nursery makes you happy, what's the problem?

x-posted with you there - putting myself in your shoes, I can understand your unease but also can't articulate the exact reasons as to why I would feel that way! I guess it is because it could be seen as 'a luxury', but if it is available to you I think it is only reasonable to take advantage of it. If your DS is OK with being without you, why not? Hopefully this will ease his transition into childcare when you do go back to work.

sorry have just realised you have a DD too! Apologies

thank you so much you are all helping me with this! (yes MIL seems to be able to do it all!! dh can't even help me with one feed out of 5 these nights!)

yes dd is fine without me, the nursery even said it was a better age to start her as she hopefully wouldn't go through the separation anxiety. and she is all smiles when she goes.

i guess it will help if i get into a routine of doing it and then i won't feel the guilt everytime i get too tired and think 'will i, won't i,' etc. thanks all

If your DH can't or won't help then what does he expect? I bet in MIL's day she had help, maybe relatives or put them in a pram in the garden or used some other technique. However it could also be that she has forgotten just how hard small babies can be.

I didn't use a nursery until 2 years old, but DH did his share of night time feeds, nappies, cooking meals etc. with DC1. I think by the time 2 came along we had a cleaner once a week, DC1 went to nursery 2 long mornings etc.
If you have a chance for a break take it!

i know of plenty stay at home mummies who have fulltime nannies / cleaners / gardeners / odd job man on call what seems like all the time to fix light bulbs etc etc and who get their laundry (AND ironing) collected and delivered back clean.

So if you use just a few hours childcare per week and YOU (and DC) are happy then whats the problem?

I am a SAHM and I have a cleaner and a window cleaner... and i dont know how i could manage without them!

MIL went back to work i think and dropped the kids at her own mums. i don't know any other details than that. dh works long hours and has one weekend off a month. he helps when he gets in but never gets up in the night.

i feel a lot better about it now. i think it will help all of us as we are both tired and stressed and have a lot of other stuff going on at the minute. and it means i do enjoy the time i spend with her more as im more refreshed. but i stil think i'll not really broadcast it, as i will feel the need to explain myself...

I had ds in nursery 2x4 hours a week from 7 months. At first it was so I could study, but I kept him in when I was off for 3 months over the summer to keep his place. He was happy, he never had any tears being dropped off, and I enjoyed the break!