Shared care

[Karoleann]

Why are nannies hesitant to do shared care? Its not a criticism, and I'm sure in some ways it does make the job more difficult, but in other's its easier having another person around. In any other job, your boss would be around anyway.
I'm finding in job posting, I'm having to make the shared care thing more attractive, when in fact they'll have less children more often as I take one or two of them off their hands most days.
I'm really interested in other nannies opinions.

I'm fine with shared care, but then my bosses are very relaxed, stay out of my hair when I'm trying to do things with the children, back me up when the kids are playing up and let me support them when it's needed. But if they weren't like they are I'd probably hate it!

Because 2 adults means 2 people for the children to play against each other. That was always my biggest bugbear.

I also get pressure to be doing things the whole time but then children who are used to space get crowded and tell you to leave them alone which doesn't sound good.

I think if it's set up that way from the start it's different but many nannies only have the experience of a boss at home FT when they were previously working or a WFH parent where there's enormous pressure to keep the children quiet.

Plus many nannies feel inhibited about imitating animal noises or dancing if their boss is around. You just don't seem responsible if you do that!

Difficult to organize thing in advance if you don't know which children you are going to have or for which parts of the day. Might be difficult to make friends with other nannies in the area if your boss is around all the time

Because on the whole children behave better with their nannies etc than with their parents, and thus are easier to look after.

I totally agree with QIelf. In my current job the grandmother would be around friday-monday and the kiddies are ALWAYS behave differently (ie worse) when shes around than when they're alone with me. I would never knowingly take a shared care position.

I 100% agree with everyone..I personally would never take a position where it was shared care and at the most if the parent worked from home a few days a week max that is all I could cope with. I have had some lovely bosses and looked after some lovely children. But when one of my bosses was around it was half the time like looking after another child. Most of the time children will not behave like they would when its just them and the nanny. I would also feel like I couldn't 100% by myself with the children and act as silly as I wanted because of the parent being around. But saying that I have seen nannies that are or was in a shared care positon and it has worked. Think the big thing is communication and jobs and rules are set out from the start so everyone knows what they are letting themself in to.

I wouldn't take a shared care job either. Main reasons would be (as others have said);

1. I'm a bit shy and I can't relax into singing/ dressing up/ messing around with the kids in the same way when there is another adult around. I also worry about how I am with the kids, does the parent think I'm too strict/not strict enough etc.

2. I like the autonomy of being a nanny, deciding how our day will go/what we'll do, in a shared-care job this is rarely possible as there are very few mums who want their day dictated to them by the nanny! What happens is the SAHP organises the day and the nanny just needs to go along with it.

3. Behaviour is always worse when parents are around.

4. Keeping things organised/tidy is more difficult with another person around. Unless that person is very neat/tidy and then you find them walking round behind you picking things up/ looking troubled at the mess the kids are making.

5. In any job even if your boss is lovely you really don't want them watching you all day. In childcare this is amplified because caring for someone's children is so personal, they're never going to do it the same as you will and a lot of parents find it hard to accept that. Other parents find it hard to accept the bond the children have with the nanny. It seldom leads to a pleasant working environment.

6. The reviews from other nannies are so negative. I know a lot of nannies and they all say any shared-care jobs have been a nightmare and they would never take another one. I've spoken to nannies who have had ok experiences, but even they say they prefer the sole charge.

7. IME (generalisation alert) people who can afford to have a nanny and be a SAHP are the kind of people who are used to having 'staff' and don't always treat the nanny with respect.

Agree with all the other nannies comments.

I currently do a job (not for much longer) where BOTH parents are at home all day and their sole agenda seems to be making my life difficult.
As far as I'm concerned they both need something to do.
The reality is they cannot look after their own children (I've seen them try) because they have never had to and so try and buy the children off all the time to make them the most popular and to try and cope which is not a good thing.
The cry of 'nanny,' then gets screamed through the house when they hit their limit (takes about five minutes) and I get the fun of sorting out whatever mess they've gotten themselves into yet they still try and undermine me whilst I'm doing it as a desperate attempt to keep the power in their hands.
They have no respect for me and resent the bond I have with the children and after year on the post I have no respect for them either - thus relationship breakdown which is not good for anybody.

Shared care is a nightmare and as others have said - childcare is so personal most parents do resent another way or interpret a nannies way which is very distinct IMO as being too 'strict,' Also SAHP always seem to want to be around when the nanny is desperately trying to feed the children, get them out the house and unless they're on the same side then it becomes horrendous. Children learn very quickly they can play one off on the other and whilst the parent can undermine the nanny (at their peril of losing the nanny) it is never appropriate for the nanny to undermine the parent in front of the children.

Agree with a lot of the above reasons. Another one for me is that when the parents are around the children don't get my full attention. I'll be chatting away with mb or db and the children get kind of side lined. Eg. this evening mb was chatting to me and youngest had finished her dinner and wanted to get out of the highchair, mb wiped her hands and face and then continued our chat and little one got herself in a tangle with the straps trying to get herself out! I'll also do silly things like overcook the pasta because I'm distracted. Or I'll be reading to the children and db will ask me a question mid story - it would feel rude not to answer.

Really interesting replies, I suspect because it's always worked for me I've never seen a massive downside.
I can imagine kids playing you off against each other is dreadful, but it would be the same as weekend when but the parents are around, as long as you back each other up then it's not a problem.
I'm not usually in the house for long with
My nanny at the same time, I try and get back for mealtimes as its much easier when one of you can cook and the other watch the kids (I've a 5,3 and almost 1 year old at the moment).
The planning thing is quite interesting too, I usually try and let my nanny know what I'll
Be doing the next time she comes, but I can imagine its easier if she knows a week in advance.

in any other job you may have your boss there but there wont be a child playing you off each other as that is what generally happens

most nannies dont like shared care as the most of the time parents give in to the child (through guilt/tiredness etc) /undermind you and tbh makes our job so much harder

sometimes having less children is harder - though nice for parents/child to have 1 to 1 time - but in one job when my mb was on ml - i had a nb baby and a 14mth she would feed/put to sleep baby earlier then i would and thus meaning my routine (and peace lol) got disrupted - or she would go out and come back just as toddler was going to bed, he would see mum and want to play and then tears happen

i dont have a problem with boss's being around - ie either working and staying out of the way or as last mb was at home as having medical treatment - but left me to do everything but i dont do shared care - the children need to know who is in charge and i always say when im there i am, whether mb/db are as well