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CMs - discipline/socialising help please!

2 replies

LingDiLong · 13/03/2012 13:27

I'm just starting out and have a little 3 year old boy a couple of mornings a week. He's settled in well with not so much as a single tear and seems to love coming here. He is no more badly behaved than your average 3 year old but is full of energy and has taken a real shine to my 21 month old. The problem is he shows his affection by almost constantly wanting to cuddle her. Hard. It's half cuddle, half throttle.

My DD hates it and is now at the point where the moment he gets near her she screams like a banshi. He really won't listen to me on this issue either - so I can see him approaching her and intercept, reminding him that DD doesn't like to be hugged but he ignores me and carries on until I physically intervene. Every single time.

So far I'm taking the 'prevention is better than cure' approach, I keep them busy and occupied and obviously never leave them alone. But the minute I pause for breath or turn my back to pick something up he's straight over grabbing at her. I'm also trying to be very positive - encouraging more gentle interaction with her and praising him for it. None of this seems to be working yet though and I think I need a firmer approach i.e a consequence/some discipline if he ignores my warnings to leave her be. We're into our second week together - he was with me three mornings last week though and every day was the same.

Any advice?? What are your preferred discipline methods? And when should I involve the mother? I feel his behaviour is very normal for a 3 year old (if incredibly annoying) so I don't want to give her the impression there's some big problem.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Runoutofideas · 13/03/2012 14:32

Hi Lingdilong,
I am speaking as a parent here rather than a childminder, as I'm not yet registered, however I would give it a bit longer before you put any sort of consequence/punishment in place. My gut feeling is that the 3 yr old, although seemingly happy, is a bit unsettled in a new place so is seeking reassurance through the cuddling/throttling. He also may be trying to assert some sort of dominance over your dd, who you may, subconciously, be more tactile with?
I would try giving him plenty of cuddles himself and praising all the good behaviour. Keep on with encouraging the gentle interaction and maybe show him a special dolly/teddy who loves his cuddles instead of dd. She may be a bit of a novelty to him, especially if he doesn't have younger siblings, but by next week he hopefully may start getting a bit bored of cuddling her!

LingDiLong · 13/03/2012 14:49

Oh, I love the idea of a special teddy for him to cuddle, thanks so much! I probably am more tactile with DD because she wanders over for hugs more than he does. I'll try and redress the balance a bit. He's a lovely little boy and apart from this one issue I love having him.

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