Unprofessional?

[brazenhussy]

Would you helpful ladies (and gents) consider it unprofessional if you discovered your childminder had given her holiday dates to some families but not others?
The reason being to take a few days rest from a particular child.

My situation is this, I childmind full time and have 5 children of my own and in the school holidays we have many days out and picnics etc. One of the children I mind is a 4 year old boy who's behaviour is particually challenging - running off, not doing as he is told, won't follow instructions or come when he is told, is destructive and rough with the other children. He comes on an ad hoc basis, his mum only works weekends but she sends him to me to give herself a break when nursery is closed and he LOVES being here????

Ive just been doing some forward planning and looking at dates for days out for school holidays and there are a few events I would like to take the others to that I know he will ruin as he has a very short attention span.

Can I give those dates to his parents in my newsletter as holiday dates or is that awful?

There is no chance that she will find out btw due to how early the other children arrive and the fact she isn't local.

TIA

I would just say you are at capacity if she rings and asks

Yes I could do but I am fairly certain that she will book in advance at least 3 of the 7 days Im planning

There's always a chance she'll find out - you might bump into her on one of the days out.

Can't you just "sack" him if he's such a nightmare?

I am assuming he is fairly regular ad-hoc, as I don't give holiday dates to my ad-hoc parents at all. They ask for dates and I tell them when I'm available.

Book the holiday days and if she finds out, just say that you could only take a certain number of children, so your 'regulars' had to have the spaces.

if he comes on an ac-hoc basis, just dont be avaliable on those ad-hoc days

(you have another ad-hoc person then.... and if you see her, they have canceled?) .... or.... you dont feel happy taking any extra children to those events so have made your self full.

Couldn't you just tell her that you have things planned for those days that mean you can't have as many children with you, and that you need to give priority to your regular mindees.

As a parent I would certainly understand that!

Of if you don't want to do that, instead of giving 'holiday' days, give her your 'availability' instead. Giving 'holiday' days feels a little dishonest to me.

Thanks everyone.

That is an excellent idea - giving availability dates rather than holiday dates.
Im off to draught a letter now

wellwisher he truely is a nightmare, yesterday he let one of my parrots out of his cage then proceeded to open the patio doors and shoo-ed him out into the garden to punish me for stopping him using ink stampers on the walls. Parrot is still missing and i'm in bits
However I am reluctant to give notice as no other childminder will have him and it's not his fault he's so undisiplined, as I've pointed out to his parents on many occasions.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't get in to the local school as then I can give notice because my policies say I only offer my services to children attending our local school.

If ad hoc care is just to give Mum a break, surely she could just choose a different day. I would just say I was unavailable or full on the days you have other plans.

But I would also ask yourself whether you should still care for this child anyway - i.e. does his behaviour adversely affect the safety and wellbeing of the other children? Does it make your life a misery? If so, I'd say time to let him go elsewhere or stay with Mum.

Cross posted there, but your last post convinces me that you shouldn't have to put up with this. It's not his fault that he has no discipline at home, but neither is it yours or more importantly your children's! Hope you find your parrot.

His behaviour doesn't affect the other children enough to cause concern and the younger 3 of my children actually look forward to him coming.

LOL at him making my life a misery

Thanks minderjinx

To give you some idea of what Im up against, when I told his Dad yesterday what he had done re the parrot his dad thought it was hilarious The idiot!!!

I actually think you're being a martyr and you're not doing this family or your other mindees (and your own dcs) any favours by accepting the child's awful behaviour. The parents clearly don't realise/care how bad it is. If he can't be controlled at your house by "in THIS house we don't do x y and z", just ban him.

Hope the parrot comes back, anyway :(

Sorry I think u r a bit potty tbh, I would give notice on a 4 year old who was out of control! Arnt u afraid he could come to serious harm in your care, ie running in the road or getting lost?

My kids would b traumatised if a minder treated one of their pets this way! He wouldn't b welcome in my house.

I would hope ur parrot returns, I hope u wise up and get a grip tbh

I think you're a really kind person, but the fact that the father laughed at his son letting your parrot out is unforgivable. I would expect the parent to at least apologise and help you find your pet, whereas he's acting like a rude child ) in fact quite his own rude child!

If the little boy is ever going to start behaving well, his parents need to take action. It's unfair on you and it's unfair on him, he could suffer in a school environment.

I think you should have an honest chat with his parents and suggest they take some steps; otherwise he will never learn by himself and you shouldn't suffer for his family's lack of parenting.

I would love you to be my dd's childminder, you sound really lovely!

Thank you for your thoughts.
Just a few things to say -
I am nobody's fool, if I didn't want tbe child I wouldn't hesitate in saying so.
I take child protection very seriously and NOBODY is ever at risk in or out my setting. Said child has to wear a wrist strap at all times as he cannot be trusted.
Lastly I have long given up asking the parents for support in disaplining him, he's been with me for over 3 years and during that time I called numerous meetings and offered lots of support but it falls on deaf ears.
I was far from surprised when his mum told me she is called into nursery virtually every day re his behaviour. The nursery and I are working together on this.
He is however 10 times better behaved for me.

Thank you metalelephant, I do my very best :-)

I would just be honest - remind the parent that whilst you are happy to care for their child, he does have needs which are different from your other charges and on certain dates you have events planned which mean that you won't be able to offer him the care he needs on those days.

Brazen, u r a better person than me I have to say, of course I wasnt suggesting your safe guarding was slack, it was the comment that you said he runs off!

Seriously I couldn't deal with this but it's a good job for him you can.

Sorry also to add though, 'the nursery and I are working on this' where the hell are parents? Do you think you are doing too much and maybe, for lovely reasons, letting them off the hook! He can't go to you for ever!

Give notice.

His mum needs a break from him. His dad finds his appalling behavior hilarious. It is not the boys fault he is so undisciplined, but it is for sure not yours! And it is not your problem that other cms wont have him. This will be his parents problem, rightfully. Do the boy a favour, and give notice. Say that he is too badly behaved to thrive together with the other children in your setting. That might shock their parents into acting!

Yes totally agree above post, think the love cm is parenting and that's a job for his parents.

You're far more patient than me! If I can see that a parent/s is/are not on the same page as me irt discipline/behaviour boundaries etc. then I do not take them on. Disruptive and frustrating... so confusing for the child, frustrating for me, not fun for the other mindees often.

I hope you find your parrot!!