Childminders Club - HELP with mealtimes - PLEASE!! (sorry, it's long!!)

[HellyBelly]

Hello

I need some advice please.

I have a problem with mealtimes at the moment and I just don't know what I should do for the best. BTW, in case this is misread as me not liking my mindee, that's so very not true! Just need some advice

I've had mindee X (nearly 3) since July and mealtimes have always been hard work but it's getting worse. At first it was just hard to get her to eat vegetables and my home cooked meals with 'bits' in (peppers, onion, peas etc). Bit by bit I've managed to get her to eat new things but she'll still say she doesn't want it most of the time (her parents admit she eats crap when they have her).

Anyway, now it's not just the food.

She always has to go for a nap straight after lunch as she takes so long to actually eat her meals, if I put her down any later she would not go to bed early enough at night. Well recently she's become very clever and does what she can to delay and delay her afternoon nap! For example, she'll take forever eating her lunch (as usual) and then quite often asks for something else to eat, even when full, and sits there with the bowl for a bit then says she doesn't want it. I'm fairly sure this is delay tactics but what annoys me is the food just gets thrown without being tasted - a waste (I know kids waste food, that's not my problem, it's that she obviously never intended to eat it). This problem doesn't bother me as much as the next......

Evening mealtimes are difficult. My ds always had good food but since I've been childminding, he's picked up the fussy habits which is a real shame as he won't eat the mix of things he used to - anyway, that's another story. I have 2 problems at the moment:

1. I give her something she doesn't like, she leaves it and fills up on biscuits, banana's, pasta when she gets home. Is there any point in me trying to still get her to eat better? I think not as she's clever and knows she won't end up hungry! (although the mum wants her to eat better and has told me to tell her when her dd doesn't eat so she knows not to give her biscuits etc, having said that, she'd still give her loads of her pasta etc so it's not going to make a difference I don't think)

2. My ds has always been a fast eater and she's ultra slow (although I think a lot are at that age). What she's started doing since coming back in the new year is the second my ds has finished and asked to leave the table to play, she suddenly says she's finished and doesn't want any more and asks to play. Problem is we eat in the lounge so are in the same room as the toys. I've started saying that she has to stay at the table even though she doesn't want anymore as she's hardly eaten anything. She then continues to eat as she's not getting to play. She just pretends she's not hungry any more to play but I don't know if telling her she has to stay at the table is the right thing to do????

I've had a lot of problems with her lying to me and not listening as much recently - her mum thinks she's started to behave more like what she's like for her parents, now she's been here a while. There are a few main problems with this but I'll post those in another thread

Any advice about mealtimes would be great!

p.s. if I limit the eating to half an hour then lunch will be done and dusted by 1pm - WOW Would you bring the nap forward or stick to what she's used to? I'll obviously do whatever the parents want but they usually go with my judgement, just not sure what to do in this case as my ds (same age) dropped his nap about a year ago so I'm not sure what a good time is for a 3 year old girls nap?

Ok, time to go wake her!

I wouldn't spoonfeed a 3 year old unless there was a real problem with co-ordination or something. However, some 3 year olds can get into a bit of a pickle and make lots of mess, which I don't have a problem with but some people might (?) Having to feed her pitta bread is definitely a no-no!!!

If she is having such a problem with having an afternoon nap, does she have to have one? Many 3 year olds I've had are growing out of them as it stops them from having sensible bedtimes.

As long as the parents are happy with your suggestions and ideas, then go for whatever seems the best advice from mumsnet!!

Helly, how did the chat go?

TP - I'm glad you said that about feeding. She's VERY good and the least messy child of that age I've come across AND her parents wouldn't mind if she was dirty anyway. Her mum only does it because her dd is so lazy it makes her take forever so she just speeds it up that way. I'm not happy about spooning it in at this age (especially the pita bread thing - of course I told mindee she was perfectly capable of doing this herself ) but was beginning to wonder if I should be (I don't at the moment). I would much prefer to encourage a bit more speed so will see what mum thinks about trying not to feed her at home this way? (of course I'll do whatever whether she stops or continues). As for the nap, I've been wanting to drop it for a while but mindee gets really ratty by the end of the day when no nap is given. It was dropped to just an hour about a month ago but mum still wanted her to have a nap (they don't mind her going to bed later as it means she sleeps in longer which mum likes )

HenniPenni - it was another one of those 'chaotic' ATTEMPTS to chat at pick up time . She can't get her dd to behave or be quiet for a second at pick up time so we really need to talk at drop off time or a seperate time instead as this is getting crazy! She did however finally say I can drop the nap if I want which I thought was good as late nights are not good when it's pre-school the next morning! We've agreed to give it a try without naps and she'll let me know if it's unbearable for her (tantrums at night). I LOVE this new flexability as it means we can go out in the afternoon more etc.

What I did last night re: food (making sticker chart but didn't get round to it at weekend as was feeling so rubbish) was ask her what she wanted. She said bowl of pasta and I did just that with a small portion. She ate it all and was heavily praised for being such a good girl and guess what - she had around 30-40 mins to play after dinner She was so proud of herself and told mummy the second she got in saying 'Helen's very please with me!' . Reason I did this was to make her like this attention in preparation for the sticker chart!

Sorry, this has turned into an essay! Not used to having no kiddies in the house (at school and dh is picking them up )

Anyway, I'm hoping that the sticker chart will work for some other problems I'm having with mindee. If I have no luck sorting the other issues, I will be back for more advice

Thanks!

Sounds promising

Yes, thanks for all the advice, reckon it should work out ok! She had no nap today and was trying to fall asleep on the sofa when I was making dinner so I kept having to try and wake her - she ended up being cuddled in the kitchen whilst I was cooking (she loves her cuddles!) but I had to put her down at one point to chop the potatoes. Well, she tried to fall asleep on the floor there - she was soooooo tired . Luckily dh came in (he'd popped out earlier) so I got him to entertain them to keep them awake whilst I cooked. It worked a treat and although she was moody (more than usual) and tired when her mum collected her, I think she'll be fine with a new routine. She went to sleep affter 10pm last night and was woken early for school so obviously needed the sleep BUT, this will always be the case until her body gets used to a new routine.

Hoping she'll go to bed nice and early tonight (giving parents a break) and be fine without a nap again tomorrow (although we're off to soft play but hey!). She loves the idea of not needing naps anymore, just needs to keep herself awake all day

Quick update.........

Stopped naps last week so had no nap Mon - Thurs. She was really tired but it's helping her sleep at night! Anyway, feeding the same amount of lunch and now it's taking about 30 mins when it used to take 1½ hours + Told you she was clever and trying to avoid naps .

As for dinner, a little better than she was since I've reduced the portions. In fact, tonight she finished her main meal within 20 mins and within less than half an hour, had finished dinner and dessert

She's off next week so we'll start a new sticker chart type thing for all the things that need sorting - I'm going to start a new thread about another problem I have so watch out for that and help me again, if you can

THANKS!!