Au Pairs...need the abc on it all please

[littlebearsmummy]

Hi

Someone has suggested we get an au pair to solve our childcare problems in September. We think it could work but I wanted to get advice from someone who's employed au pairs before, in the basics, what to do and what not to do etc.

Just as background, if we went ahead and found one, they would be responsible for taking and picking up our 4 yr old from a school 5 minutes walk away, and looking after her until we got home from work. Our 18 month old would continue to go to her current childminder and we would do the drop offs and pick ups.

One immediate question is that we don't have the worlds biggest house (it has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, but is a squeeze overall). Would an au pair be happy to have a small double room, share a bathroom with 2 children and a lounge/kitchen with the whole family?

Any tips or advice most welcome.

if i were an au pair.... i would rather share a house like that with a nice family, than be exploited but living in a big house

sounds like it could / should work fine

Hello,
I second what nannyl said.

We have so far had a live in nanny and an au pair, and our second au pair is due to start in two weeks. Our house is a bit of a squeeze too but neither the nanny nor the au pair minded. I really think most people care about having a nice family to work for rather than luxurious surroundings.

It sounds to me the the au pair would be perfect for the childcare that you need. Our view is: be nice to people, make sure they are happy, treat them like adults and show respect and in return you will get respect back, and they will inevitably be happy and nice around your children. It has worked for us so far and we are still in touch with our former nanny and au pair (in fact we are all going to visit our former au pair this summer!).

I don't want to write a novel here but if you would like to see the letter that we give au pairs, which is kind of "this is how we live and do things" send me a message and I'll email it to you.

The one important thing to consider is that if you haven't had people living in your house, it will take some getting used to. Also, however outgoing the au pair might be, they will need help with, apart from learning what their duties are, where anything they are interested in might be (college, gym, cinema etc).

I hope this helps.

Most au pairs only have a small double room (or even a single), most au pairs share a bathroom (although many do have an en-suite), and hardly any au pairs have their own lounge or kitchen (in fact if they do live in effectively separate accomodation they are probably entitled to National Minimum Wage).

IME there are only two essentials for an au pair's room: TV with whatever satellite/cable package you have in your lounge (otherwise she will always be wanting to watch things she can only watch downstairs) and a good WiFi connection.

I agree with MrAnchovy, although I am basing this on my one experience of an au apair.
Ours had a good sized double bedroom with ensuite shower/toilet and shared use of everything else.

She didn't watch much TV and seemed to spend all spare time on Skype or Facebook!

Couldn't agree more with the others who say that most au pairs would rather be in a smaller room with a nice, kind family, than in a bigger, more souped up place with nasty employers.

Our au pair was in a fairly small room with a single bed, but had her own en suite bathroom.

We gave her a netbook and she used this way, way more than the TV. She skyped her parents every evening for free via it and used it for all manner of communications. Definitely an idea if your budget allows it.

The only other essential tip is just to be nice. This person is looking after your most important 'possessions' in the world - why on earth wouldn't you want to ensure that that person is happy, secure, content and seriously inclined to be nothing but nice to your children?

I can't imagine the mindset behind the sorts of people who like to wield power over their au pairs and exploit them - it just doesn't make any sense to me.

I made it clear to our au pair that her main job was to look after our (initially just) DS - if there was any spare time above and beyond this when he was sleeping and she was on duty, sure, do some housework, but that was not what she was employed for.

Random gifts, just because - even just a chocolate bar with the shopping. Doesn't have to be extravagant. Remembering, noting and marking significant dates in her calendar, giving her unexpected time off, and basically just appreciating her and thanking her and noticing when she does stuff.

This is all the important stuff. Other than that, draw up a contract beforehand and outline the sorts of things she would be responsible for and be sure she is OK and clear about them all and on board. After a week have a chat and compare notes - are you happy and is she happy? Anything that could be improved? Agree to get any issues out in the open and sorted quickly so that they don't build up and become worse. Chat with her, talk with her, get to know her and make sure she's OK.

A mutually beneficial relationship with someone you live and work with is an utterly fabulous thing. And just remember that au pair mean 'on par' - she is not a servant or in some way beneath the rest of the family - it works best if she is 'on par' and part of the family.

Good luck!

Thanks so much to everyone's thoughts and support!

Can anyone recommend a reputable agency and what sort of questions should we be asking?

In my experience, Aupairworld.com or greataupair.com are better than agencies. I prefer to go through the profiles myself and do the selection, rather than depending on an agency for this.