To tell the ap about a few small issues

[deliakate]

that are driving me mad? She often offers to do washing up, which is great, but she always does that thing of using a running tap and loads of fairy liquid on each plate/pan. Water gets everywhere, and its just a waste. Should I tell her to use a bowl?

I've let go the making tea with lukewarm water thing, and just say no to a cuppa if she makes one.

She's been here 2 weeks.... is this the kind of thing you can mention, or do you just start setting up bad feelings?

Feel like a flatmate again

if you tell her she will just stop offering. you prefer to do washing one way, she prefers another, the washing still gets done.

cant wait to see you as a mil

I would tell her about the tea, but not about the washing. In some countries, this is the normal way of doing washing, and we find the other way really horrible. The washing is getting done, so pick your battles and let her do it her way.

I wash up with tap running, I cannot stand soapy marks on things so have rinse well! My current boss is fine with but it drove my last boss mad! She would leave the kitchen if I was washing up, I never get water everywhere but having lived and worked in Australia, I really should know better about wasting water.

I don't know where I get it from as my mum is a bowl washer upper. But no matter how I try I cannot wash up with dirty water. Luckily all jobs have had a dishwasher so it was only constantly used and non dishwasher safe things that I wash up.

I'm with the others, if my last boss had asked me not to wash up that way, I would stop offering.

Same with the tea, I can't think of a polite way to say you like it hotter so wouldn't say anything. Like my mum says, if you don't like the way I do it, do it yourself!

I think you need to let it go. Switch to a cheaper brand of washing up liquid if she's using too much. As long as the plates are clean I don't think it matters how she washes them tbh. The tea thing is annoying, but again if that's how she makes it then you just need to say 'no thank you' when she offers.

You need to accept that she won't do things exactly as you would, nor should she.

An au pair who offers to wash the dishes and offers you cups of tea? Sounds like things could be a lot worse!

I'm sure you can find a diplomatic way to tell her about the washing up. When I lived in Czech with a family the 'host mother' gave me feedback...it was fine.

Complaining about making you cups of lukewarm tea though? You must be joking.

I also hate washing up in a bowful of dirty dishes - ewwwww. I have always left the tap on, but very small "leak" as it were from the tap coming out, iyswim? Maybe you can get one of those brushes that holds fairy liquid inside so she doesn't use a new squirt for each dish?

As she's only been with you for 2 weeks I say 'now or never'. Why not have a 2 week review, go through a little list of positives and some guidance on how you'd prefer things done. And ask her to give feedback on her experience in your house so far.

I so need to follow my own advice...

When I was an ap I wouldn't have done the washing up so count your blessings!

On the other hand I think you could teach her how to make a cup of tea properly. It ain't tea unless it uses boiling water!

I'm another who does it with the trap on, drives my dad boss mad! I do turn it of between plates though but I hate washing up with a bowl of dirty water! You could ask her to put the soap on the spine instead if the plate as it lathers better that way?

Hahahaha. If you'd only had the week I've had with mine, you'd breeze these convos.

This week the conversation went
"J, I've told you before, you need to shower every day. I'm sorry but you stink"
"uh, ok"
"No, J, not OK. When did you last shower?"
"Uh, today"
"OK. Then you are not using shower gel, are you"
"Yes, I am"
"What one are you using?"
"Um, blue one with dettol. It's really good"
"Show me it"

"Um, well, ok. I must have run out"
"you don't say"

Oh YUCK!

i think you should be able to mention that tea (unless its green tea that needs lower temperatures) needs to be pured over with boiling water.

not sure about washing up. i can imagine the mess she makes while doing it drives you mad (my mum does that too!)

washing up on the whole is something of an issue, or at least to me as a former aupair. one of the culturul differences i suppose. the washing up bowl was a surprise to me. not because i wasnt used to it, lots of czechs would do the same at their country cottages with no running water or if there is really a lot to wash. but - there is always either another bowl with fresh water or running tap to rinse off the washing up liquid. i find it disquasting and dont understand how people happily feed themselves small amounts of washing up liquid every day. i wonder whats common in other countries, i have often thought about this in the past years.
another thing about washing up -it is the only situation when i noticed people are trying not to waste something. in all other areas like washing clothes, having lights on, food, i found people dont think and waste so much but not when it comes to washing up water!

forgot to mention the amounts of washing up liquid can be reduced if you dilute the liquid which means you are able to pour out just the amount you need rather than a big blob of the thick liquid. a bottle that allows for easy controll of what is sqeezed out is a help too, but thats not an issue unless you dont like the original washing up liquid bottles :) (i have seen people pour the washing up liquid into lovely glass bottles but you couldnt get a small amount however hard you tried.) it also helps to put the liquid on the sponge rather them on the plates etc, but thats probably not a level of managing your ap you want to go down to ;)

I'd mention the tea as it is grim (and she might benefit from the better tea too). Could you estimate how much it will cost you in water and washing up liquid to not mention it? When I wash up everything gets rinsed under the tap (but washed in the bowl of soapy water which is changed if needed) just leaving things to drip with soapy dirty water is grim and you might find her a bit reluctant to eat from your plates if she realises how you wash up.

' just leaving things to drip with soapy dirty water is grim and you might find her a bit reluctant to eat from your plates if she realises how you wash up.
breatheslowly - i have been in this situation way too ofteen :(