Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

My child is a challenge....where to go from here?

24 replies

greeneone12 · 24/02/2012 12:39

I have been told by my CM that DD is a challenge and I think she is going to let us go. I just feel realy sad :(

She knows alot of other minders in my area and they will all know why she won't have DD anymore.

She is only 16 months but has eczema and itches alot. She has had 2 days of being particulaly poorly and I think it has tipped her over the edge.

Sorry to moan but just feel really sad as my DD loves her and we love(d) her too!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

minderjinx · 24/02/2012 13:13

If she hasn't said she will have to let her go, then maybe the situation can be saved. We all have rough days (or weeks!) and obviously your CM is only human and may be feeling a bit down. A bit of acknowledgement and praise for her efforts might be enough to bolster her up and see her through the rough patch, or maybe you could manage to give her a few days break to recharge her batteries?

Original poster

greeneone12 · 24/02/2012 13:29

Thank you. She has only had 2 for a while and when mine joined it turned out that my DD and the other girl of similar age have been locking horns a bit.

OP posts:

south345 · 24/02/2012 13:46

is there anything she can do to help with the eczema e.g keep her cool, moisturise during the day that might help? Maybe sit down with her and ask if there's anything that would help the situation?

MaybeBBaby · 24/02/2012 17:42

I wouldnt want my child cared for by someone who described them as challenging for having a medical condition. The medical condition is challenging NOT your daughter. Similarly i find it horrid that of CM finds it difficult to deal with yet seemingly has no regard for your DDs comfort.. Must be harder for her than CM! I it is behaviour regarding two children clashing she is referring to the she should have said behaviour was difficult NOT your DD. is she new to CMing as surely kids clashing happens regularly?! Either was I would be and about the choice of words and I personally would be seeking different childcare

RitaMorgan · 24/02/2012 17:45

Has she said the eczema is a challenge, or the two girls fighting is the problem?

I wouldn't get too hung up on the wording to be honest - some children are challenging.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/02/2012 17:50

Well it's kinder to let the child go another setting than to continue caring for a child you don't actually care for, IYSWIM; more professional too

If the chemistry is not right, it's not right

Poor DD, eczema is horrid x

littlewillows · 24/02/2012 18:39

I'm with Maybbaby, I can't believe she has said your child is challenging, I have looked after many children with eczema, the scratching concerns me, as the children can make themselve bleed and it can upset them too. But it just means washing and creaming and lots of hugs. I hope it was just a bad day and everything will be sorted.

thebody · 24/02/2012 20:12

I agree with maybe as well, i have mindee with eczema and spend ages creaming her, poor pet, it can b a horrible condition and your dd. Needs hugs
and support

Your cm sounds a bit harsh tbh

minderjinx · 25/02/2012 11:19

It is not clear from the first post what it is about your daughter's care that the CM has been finding challenging - it could well be a combination of the extra effort required to treat her eczema in its current state and that to supervise two toddlers who are frequently "locking horns" which may itself be exacerbated by your DS' discomfort and generally feeling under the weather.

I do think it is a bit "harsh" to leap on the word "challenging" and construe from this that the CM does not care about the child or do everything possible for her welfare and comfort. Greenone says DD loves her - she must be doing something right. She shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to avoid inadvertently putting a word out of place (and I do appreciate that it was not you doing that Greenone).

I would however ask if she (DS) has really been well enough to be at her CM these last couple of days if she is "particularly poorly". My rule of thumb for accepting little ones or not is that they have to be well enough to participate in our usual routines (going to playgroups etc) as well as free of contagious illness obviously. I have to say that if I had a little one who was miserable all day long due to illness, and I could not comfort or distract them, I'd probably ask parents to take them home for their own good.

nannynick · 25/02/2012 12:50

All children are challenging in their own particular ways. Even the most placid child, who does not make any noise, sits on one spot all day, is challenging - as they don't repond to anyone.

What is the actual issue? Is it that the CM can't cope with caring for two children of similar ages, that the CM can't cope with the medication requirments of your DD? Or did you send a sick child to CM?
It could well be a combination of factors, some of which you may not be aware of such as things going on in the CMs personal life.
Roll on next week... see how it goes. Praise your CM for their hard work dealing with your DDs condition, make sure they have enough of all the creams/applicators/cloths/wraps/mittens etc.

Original poster

greeneone12 · 26/02/2012 11:10

Thanks all. She was absolutely fine the morning I dropped her before she got ill. It all kicked off while she was there. The childminder has now basically said she is struggling with 2 girls similar age who are both quite feisty. She has only had 2 for a while (and one you dont hear a peep from) so there we are. She did say she is a 'challenge' meaning that she does itch and needs a close eye on her. Also she doesn't yet sleep after lunch like the others and also was waking at 5am. She is now more settled which is good but I think the relationship is over.

It's has all got a bit confusing but I feel hurt and let down as we thought we had made the right choice. I feel finding someone else now will be so hard as we are worried about making the wrong decision again.

OP posts:

Original poster

greeneone12 · 26/02/2012 11:12

I would never send my daughter to the CM's if I felt she was sick. I would want to be with her myself. I did try and praise her...I reminded her how fantastic we thought she was and that our little girl clearly loves her but the love has been lost so we are going to have to move little one. If anyone has any useful tips on making the transition as smooth as possible I would be grateful.

Thanks!

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 26/02/2012 11:18

So has the CM said she can't care for you daughter anymore?

littlewillows · 26/02/2012 11:25

Not knowning you and your daughter, it would be diffcult to say whether the transition would be a smooth one. A child of 16 months, can be a diffcult age to settle. It may take a few days or 3 weeks. My tip is if your confident and happy with new childcare arrangements, when you visit them. Your child will notice this and it will help with settling in.

sunshinenanny · 26/02/2012 12:48

I once temped for a woman who's toddler son had severe eczema and needed to wear a body suit plus constant creaming. She complained that his itching/scratching "drove her mad" I replied that "it was far worse for him!".

Some people are not good at coping with eczema and I have met nannies who find it difficult to look after twins or children of a simillar age.I have never found either of these things a promlem so I am sure there is a lovely childminder out there who will be just right for you.

When you find a new childminder just make sure she is sympathetic of the extra care a child with eczema can need and that shes confident and experienced with that age group.

Good Luck

cory · 27/02/2012 09:09

I would be very careful to find a CM who would find the child's medical condition a positive challenge- an incentive to engage in finding solutions - rather than just "a challenge". My dd went to a junior school where they regarded her mobility problems as a challenge in the latter, negative sense. It didn't take long before she picked up on the fact and it has shot her confidence to pieces long term. Her CM otoh was great with all kinds of disabilities and behavioural difficulties: she saw it as a challenge to do her best. But then she was a highly experienced CM, used to maximum numbers, and enjoyed a chance to do a little extra of what she was good at. I hope you find that kind of person to care for your dd!

ElizabethDarcy · 27/02/2012 14:41

As an excema sufferer myself I have had times it feels like my skin is on fire, ir burns terribly! Itchy then burny... repetitive. Thankfully fine for the last couple years.

It's awful and has given me a good insight into what a little one battles with. I have had little ones with excema and varying special needs (eg: Down Syndrome), and take it upon myself to learn about a condition as much as I can - that's what I am here for! I am not here for an easy ride... I'm here to help kids.

ElizabethDarcy · 27/02/2012 15:09

ps: Not trying to blow my own trumpet - we each have our own coping levels. I am sure she's great at things I am not. Just saying! :)

Original poster

greeneone12 · 04/03/2012 12:28

Well I think I have found a new one :) She has experience with special needs so I feel as if she is used to being challenged! Only problem is she has 2 corn snakes! There was another one I liked who had 3 dogs. Why is there always something?!

OP posts:

custardismyhamster · 04/03/2012 22:28

Could you maybe do a bit of research into corn snakes-aren't they fairly small and (I think) not dangerous?

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 04/03/2012 22:36

I presume the cornsnakes would be in some kind of tank & I love dogs - so I don't actually see either of those things as an issue.

I hope it works out well for you :)

ActiveC · 05/03/2012 00:36

I would be asking the CM to explain exactly what they meant by ?challenging?.

One reason why children of that age 'fight' could be because of the negative vibe of the adult.

I've cared for children with a whole host of things, including eczema, successfully. In ten years, only one child has had a clear tendency to hit other children. I am a naturally happy person.

thebody · 05/03/2012 10:44

Sorry snakes and 3 dogs!! What!!

Original poster

greeneone12 · 05/03/2012 15:30

Just to clarify as many of you seem to want to know what was meant by the word 'challenge'.

Her exact words were 'she is a challenge because her eczema upsets her' but I think there was lots of other factors at play too.

Anyway we have found somewhere new which is a happy medium between a nursery and a childminder (at least I hope) called Sweet Pea cottage.

I feel sick and nervous but hopefully all will be well. Thank you for all your help.

OP posts:

Flip