help! - do I need an au pair, a mother-help or a live out nanny?

[naturopath]

about to go on maternity leave with dc3.

So will be at home with ds1 (5), ds2 (3) and new baby, for a year. Intending to return to work full time after then.

Current ft live-out nanny is leaving around the time the baby is due, so need to think of other options. Do feel like I need some help as dcs 1 and 2 were very difficult babies, so chances are dc3 might be as well. Also, have to drive to school (ds2 will be starting in Sept), although we live in London, so will appreciate help with the school runs.

Never had any childcare other than full-time, sole charge, live-out nannies.

So what do I need now??

Can see pros and cons for each - basically I will need help with the school runs, getting the dcs ready in the morning, help with bedtime, general help in school holidays etc. and with the cleaning.. some babysitting. Also would like help looking after the baby so that I can occasionally go out to the gym etc. (never had that luxury with the other two!) and so that I can concentrate on giving attention to dcs 1 and 2.

Advice appreciated - thanks!

What will you do once you return to work?

I think a mother's help with a view to them staying on as nanny could be a good option. An au pair may or may not be suitable, depending on the amount of driving and sole charge. You may also find it more stressful having someone living with you who doesn't have great English and may be away from home for the first time with no intention offing a career in childcare and no experience.

Thanks Fraktal - that's the point - will obviously be cheaper and easier in some ways to have live-in, but may also be more stressful - I just don't think I feel like being a 'mother' to another person on top of the 3 dcs!

Not sure it would work out mother's help transitioning into what I need when I return to work, as I work v full time, long hours etc. I don't think the same person would be interested in the two jobs - i.e. you either want a few hours a day or you want to work 12 hours a day .. (which are the likely hours when I return to work).. so much as I don't want to keep chopping and changing my childcare, it looks like I will probably have to (current nanny being prime example - was happy with sole charge of 2 dcs and those hours, but not happy continuing with new baby, part time, while I am in the house!)

What does a mother's help do??

So you want split shifts in termtime but more hours in holidays? Probably not going to happen with a live out although nothing to stop you advertising.

A Mother's Help will do pretty much as you describe - help with childcare, school runs, light cleaning, cooking, some limited sole charge, shopping etc.

Could you cope with a live in at all? Moving from PT to FT may suit someone if accommodation is provided.

That's true - I suppose that would be ideal - either mother's help, or live-in, with the hope that they may increase their hours to FT if they are happy with the accommodation etc.

Space not a problem as we have moved to a bigger house with huge loft room and own bathroom, and we live near to tube station, so I would imagine this would be a big plus for someone. It's just whether I can cope with someone else living in my house! I'm very much a person who needs my own space (whilst also needing help with the dcs!) difficult to predict which I will value more when dc3 comes along..

btw - that was not a stealth boast re the space. Just thinking through my options and what is feasible.

You could look at an AP for the year you are off to see if having someone live in works for you with a view to a live in nanny when you return to work. Once you have had live in childcare it is very difficult to return to anything else IME, particularly if you both work long hours, and if you provide a live-in with their own personal space (en-suite loft room sounds ideal) they won't invade yours - just add Sky TV in their room, good WiFi and a tube pass and you will hardly ever see them!

Good point MrAnchovy - given enough space, sky tv etc. au-pair / nanny should be happy hanging out up there without encroaching on family space too much when not in 'working' hours..

also v good point about using this time as a trial period for a live-in - much better to see if it works now, than when I go back to work. Yes, DH and I both work long hours and it would be VERY useful to have a nanny living in, so that they could do extra babysitting on occasion without it being too much of a hassle for them (at the moment I feel really bad for current nanny if I have to work late as she is obviously late getting home and can't relax properly after a long day).