Childcare advice -please help!

[Iwantcandy]

My Ds will be 9 months old when I return to work in June and I am currently making arrangements for his childcare. We currently live with my parents who have offered to look after him on Fridays and mil who lives nearby has offered to have him on Tuesdays so we need childcare 3 days a week.

We looked at a nursery yesterday which I hated (dirty, small, very little natural light, babies trying to sleep in the middle of room etc etc) and looked at another nursery today - more expensive but miles better - clean bright happy babies playing, separate sleep room etc. Am going to put ds's name down to ensure a place when I go back to work but I can't help feeling (a) I REALLY don't want to go back to work but have no choice (my salary is about 3 times what my dh earns) and (b) until he's a bit older (maybe 2ish) he'd be better off being cared for at home both because it would be more comforting for him and he'd avoid all the bugs he'll pick up at nursery and nap better at home. My dad works from home so would be here to keep an eye on things. We have a spare en suite bedroom so could have someone live in

My questions are:-

1. Do you have any experience or advice re nurseries vs nanny?

1. What would the going rate for a nanny/ mothers help be for 3days per week either live in or live out in muswell hill north London

1. Where are the best places to advertise or look for a nanny or mothers help.

Sorry for the long post but feeling very anxious! Thanks

Sole care 3 days pw - I'd say you'd definitely need a Nanny not a mother's help. Going rate for a nanny in Muswell Hill is about £11ph (bit more or less depending on how experienced/educated they are). Some Nannies wouldn't like that your dad would be around during the day.

Maybe try a CM instead of a Nanny - bit cheaper, but has more of the advantages of home from home care? Or look for a nanny who will bring their own child - typically about a third cheaper.

Gumtree is the best place to advertise once you've weeded out the hopeless one. I have particular fondness for the French tennis instructor who wanted to look after ds aged 3-4 after school whose experience with children involved teaching 8 year olds tennis and told me that he was worth £20 ph. I kid you not.

I don't know any nurseries in muswell hill but if you ask on your local circuit people will tell you good and bad ones. We did nursery for ds as couldn't afford nanny at the time and it worked out brilliantly. It was a lovely nursery where he really thrived with loads of great activities. I wish we could send the dts there but it's just not practical. You get lots of sickness whenever they enter group childcare. It's just an unfortunate thing you have to deal with before they build up immunity.

Thank you! I'll try gum tree. I was hoping if I can find someone to live in it would be cheaper than a nursery

1. I've worked in nurseries and as a nanny. For a child under 2/3 I would always use a nanny or childminder where possible. That's a personal choice though, there are many people who prefer nurseries for young babies. You need to think about the positives/negatives of both and see what suits you best.

1. I'm in West London and it's around £10-£13ph gross.

1. Gumtree, Nannyjob, Childcare.co.uk if you want to do it yourself. If you want to go via an agency Ideal, Eden, Tigerlilly's all get fairly good reviews.

Also;

1. bugs - he will pick up bugs from other children at nursery/school, at softplay, playdates, the park etc etc. It's just part of childhood and unless you plan on keeping him indoors long term it's something you'll have to get used to!

1. 'My dad works from home so would be here to keep an eye on things' - this makes a red light go off and siren sound!! Most nannies don't want to work for parents who work from home. If a parent/grandparent is working from home they need to allow the nanny to get on with what she is doing and not be interfering. You need to choose a nanny you trust.

1. You may struggle to find someone who wants to work Mon, Weds, Thurs as it will be difficult to find work just for a tues and fri. If you have any flexibility with days I'd suggest it would be easier to find someone for three consecutive days.

The only interfering my dad would be likely to do would be to offer the nanny a coffee. Babies aren't really his thing however I would feel more comfortable knowing he's around having had bad experiences of nannies as a child (locked in dark cupboards and worse). I remember trying to explain to my mum what was happening but being too young and not being able to express it. This is partly why I'm having such a dilemma. I agree I'd prefer Ds to be at home as much more comforting and reassuring for him but have no idea whether I'll find someone I like and trust enough that I could afford. Aibu to think I could find someone for £180-£200 per week live in to work 3 or 4 days per week ie guaranteed to have tuesdays, most Fridays, evenings and weekends off?

Ps we also had some fantastic nannies when I was young who I have very fond memories of

You could find someone for £180-£200 per week, but they would be more of a mother's help/junior nanny. You'd be very lucky to get an experienced, qualified nanny with good references for that.

Just a thought but could your DH take unpaid leave for a few months to look after DS? Mine did from till DS was 12mo and loved it!

Thanks antidote but he's just starting a new job so no. Am thinking I'll reserve him a place at nursery as a backup and speak to/have a look at some childminders as I haven't really explored that yet x

Another vote for childminders here (am a mum not a CM!). Sounds like the right solution to your needs. Both my dc when to a CM at 8 months and loved it. You still get the home setting and single carer but without the costs and hassle of employing someone. And they definitely get fewer bugs than at nursery (which is why I went the CM route in the first place). Good luck with your search.

I'd consider a nursery too. DD loves her nursery. She's had a few colds but nothing worse and picking up bugs is important for the development of the immune system (or they'll only get them later when they are at school). Nurseries do lots of fun activities and have the benefit of having lots of other children to play with and learn from. Probably the same with a CM but I don't have any experience of CMs. If your DS is happily settled somewhere at 2 the I don't know why you would want to take him out of the setting and have him cared for at home. DD would be bored at home and would miss the staff and children at nursery.

Sorry I misread your OP and didn't realise the nanny was for now. I still think that a nursery can be a great solution. DD started hers at 6 months and it has really suited her as she is very sociable (or maybe that is the result of nursery, I'll never know).

The right nursery imo is great for a littlie, as is the right CM, and I use both (had to move CM as she WASNT right for DS2).
I wouldnt discount nurseries (sounds like you arent anyway) certainly based on the 'picking up bugs' argument. My DS's were sociable kids and it was/is perfect for them at the baby/toddler stage (Pre-school different matter but crossing that bridge when we get there)