Should I have handled/dealt with this differently - cm club

[Saltire]

I ahve 2 sibling as before and after school mindees. Today the older child came out with his teacher and he was crying, very upset and, IMO verging on that hysterical crying (you know when they get to a point where they can't seem to stop).
He was upset because the class had made puppet things using lollipop sticks and fabric, and he said his had "been stolen and the teacher wouldn't do anything". The teacher said his broke because the glue wasn't sticking the things down properly, and she'd made another one with him but he'd got more hysterical because "it's not identical to the broken one".
Mindee wouldn't accept that his was broken, kept yelling that it had been stolen. teacher said he's "been very upset like this for almost 30 minutes"
Anyway he cried and wailed most of the way home wouldn't talk to me at all, and kept muttering under his breath that I was stupid and his brother was stupid. He wouldn't listen to reason at all, and in my honest opinion he was enjoying all the attention from all the toehr parents etc who were watching all this
Anyway we got home and some art show was on tv and he wanted to make this thing they were making, I said "well I don't have all the bits needed to make it", but he went ahead and started anyway, only to have what I can only describe as a meltdown/tantrum when he needed a piece that I didn't have, he was throwing his thing across the room, started ripping it into little bits, tipped out the box of paper and card, ripped some of it up, screamed and yelled etc.

I did a time out with him, and he did calm down, however I explained it all to the mum and she seemed very concerned about how upset he'd been at school and about the tantrum, and said "that was a complete over reaction from him wasn't it", and was questioning me as to why I thought he reacted the way he did.
I'm wondering though if I should have rung her instead in case he's ill, you know how children get sometimes when some illness is working on them? I know I am over thinking this, but have got paranoid that every move I make is being watched and recorded

I think it would depend in how old he is and what is he normally like?

It does sound like a massive over reaction to the situation. If it's out of character then yes I would be concerned that he's coming down with something or that something else had happened at school that had upset him.

I don't think I would have called him mum to collect him though, as it can't have been more than 2-3 hours from school collection to pick-up time, so I think you did the right thing waiting for her to come at the normal time and then telling her what had happened.

I'd be pretty furious at that behaviour from a school age child (although worse if it was an 8 yr old than 4 yr old). I'd be banning him from the craft things for the next week or so, due to the damage done. Grrrr

[disclaimer I've had my fill of tantrumming children today!]

He's 9. He's a very..... I am trying to think of the right word for him, not obsessive, but like that, not pedantic but like that.. He is older than his years in teh way he communicates. He is also (IMO anyway) jealous of his sibling (the sibling is being assessed for ADHD type SN).
I'll give an example - I ask mindee 1 if he wants to x. He says no, but mindee 2 says he want to do it. So we start doing it, mindee 1 then says he wants to do y, but "I need you to help me do this,a nd then I need you to help me do that etc etc". If we go to the park he says "oh hell I don't like this park" so I say "well sit there on the bench and watch then but your brother and I want to be here so we'll have fun". He'll thend ecide he wants to join in, but wants to go on the swings and be pushed by me, thus taking me away from his little brother again

Does that make sense?

He sounds spoilt IMO. At 9 he should be able to understand when things get broken and not have a total melt down, I would have explained to him (again) that his project was broken and it was nobody's fault and we could do some arts and crafts when we got home. If he continued to play up I would have told him that if he didn't calm down and behave himself, there would be no tv, no arts and crafts and he would get a time out when we got home.

This behavior will only continue or get worse if not nipped in the bud immediately. He does sound jealous of his younger sibling but he can't be allowed to dictate activities and sulk when things don't go his way. Next time he doesn't want to join in an activity ask him what he is going to do instead, if he says he is going to do nothing or, if like in the park he said he was just going to sit on the bench, then tell him ok, last chance, do you want to join in or not? If he still does not want to join in then carry on without him but don't then let him join in when it suits him. He's old enough to know what behavior is acceptable and he needs to learn that tantrums and sulking don't get you far in life.

Be firm and be consistent and don't accept behaviour from mindees that you wouldn't tolerate from your own children.

I wouldn't allow a 9 year old to call me stupid!

No child in my house 'helps themselves ' to the craft things unless I say they can!

If he is often like this I would wave bye bye!

IMO he needs a 'bigger environment ' like an after s hook club as he seems to b trying to bully you. Well done u for handling him though.

If I were the mum, I would feel embarassed about my DS's behaviour, and not thinking it was all your fault.

My DS (5) is currently going through a phase like this - I just look at him the wrong way and we have a melt down - talking to a friend her 7yo DD is also like that - I think they are just very, very tired. It has been so cold for awhile, school seems to be never ending, children and adults are all coming down with different illnesses. He could be feeling achey because he is going though a growth spurt, has some bruises or sore muscles from playing but can't really say why he doesn't feel well, anything really.

The jealousy is a concern, but if his DB is going through an assessment then he is probably getting lots of attention, and that will always spark jealousy. My DH and his DB were at loggerheads for most of their childhood because the DB had dyslexia and needed lots of extra assistance, and they were both jealous of each other and so clashed (DH jealous of the attention his DB received from their mother, his DB jealous because things came easily to my DH). In their case it was only when they were in their late teens that they finally sorted it out.

You did the right thing - I wouldn't want to be called about this kind of thing. What would be the point? No one is going to leave work because they're child is having a tantrum!

Sometimes kids overreact don't they? Tiredness, the onset of illness... could be anything, not that unusual.

Ooooh I'm sorry - I just spotted that he is 9! Wow, bad behaviour worthy of a good telling off! You def did the right thing.