ds is being unpleasant to new nanny

[chipkid]

ds has struggled with my return to work for 3 days a week. I have a nanny who cares for dd at home then picks up ds from school and cares for him too until 5pm when I return home.
At first ds was very good for the nanny-but terrible with me (I posted on this)
Now he is really playing up for the nanny-she has had a difficult time with him on the last four occasions that she has cared for him
He is uncooperative, says he doesn't want her to care for him, etc.
He is very tired by this time anyway (he's 4 and started in reception last September)
please tell me that this will improve and that the nanny won't leave!

Well if i was your nanny i wouldnt leave!

Yes im sure he IS tired, and needs time to adjust to the new arrangements! (my eldest charge has just started reception and he too is VERY tired!)

As long as you are both consistent im sure he'll "come round" soon!

chipkid i think your nanny will be fine with this! I think it's a pretty common reaction in children, especially when they've just started school etc etc...
she will understand.
eventually it WILL get better. I was a mother's help for 9 years and when i started the 3 year old would scream and cry every time i went anywhere near him!!!

btw, does she have time to do something a little bit special with him after school? just spend a little bit of one to one time with him doing some colouring/stickers etc etc?

thanks nannyl-the rest of the time she just has gorgeous dd (15 months), who is still utterly divine! (alright I know she's mine) and who sleeps for 2 hours every day!
things may improve when she gets to spend some quality time with ds when he is off school.
Have you ever experienced this with a new charge?

thanks starlover-I think that is part of the problem-it is a difficult time of day as dd is wired by this time and runs around like a lunatic into everything etc! Ds probably just wants some peace and quiet and ends up shutting himself off!

I'm sure your nanny won't leave chipkid. It is often a bit tricky for the first few weeks with new childcare arrangements.
My ds is 6 and can be a bit "arsey" with a new carer. I tell him very firmly that while I am at work, aupairX is in charge of him and she is the boss. He must do what she says, otherwise he'll have me to deal with!!
Maybe think of a few nice quiet things the nanny could do that your ds would enjoy. Perhaps give the nanny a new dvd/video that you know your ds would enjoy or another activity that you know he would be really keen to do & get them to do it together.
I think that children are not that keen on a change - some more than others of course and so they protest the only way they know how, by playing up. I am sure it will work out.

Chat with your nanny, ask her for her views and make a plan to tackle this issue.

Maybe have a time when ds comes home from school that is quiet time and that dd needs to chill at this time also and then once he's had time to catch his breath an activity can be started.

Maybe an energy snack on walk to car/home to energise him.

Does nanny keep a diary of behaviour, food, activities each afternoon.

I know exactly how your nanny feels Chipkid... I'm in the same situation myself at the moment - though the child concerned is older (age 7). Having been with the family for 4 months, you would have thought that a 7 year old got used to it... alas that isn't the case.

While I adore the younger children (1yr and 2yr), after-school issues with oldest child does impact on how much I enjoy the job. School holidays were fine, well as good as could be expected, but once back at school, it all kicked off again when he came home. I do get the feeling that there are things going on at school which he does not tell anyone about... but as I've said to him, if he doesn't tell anyone, noone can help him.

It's the aggression that's worse than anything. I think he just build up so much agression at school that once home, it all releases and I, being the one he doesn't want, gets the lashback. Given the choice, he wants mummy to stay at home.

Yesterday, he refused to eat tea (as per usual) and threw it at me, and then proceeded to jump and down on the dining room table! He got manhandled to his room - can't put up with behaviour like that, the younger children start to copy all too easily. He was then like a bull in a china shop, and didn't even stop when his dad got home.

I did think it would get better as time went on, but now 4 months down the line, it's just the same. Have started looking at other jobs and may get offered one from a family I met on Monday shortly. Will the oldest child's behaviur affect my decision to leave... yes. While leaving the younger two will be hard, my personal safety is important and if his aggressive behaviour can not be controlled, it is safer for me not to be there.
The other job will also pay more money - hmm, another factor to consider!

Sorry to rabble on, but as it's similar to your situation Chipkid, thought you'd like to know the view from the nanny in that situation. Talk with your nanny about it, agree on what tactics can be used to encourage better behaviour from your 4-year-old and if necessary impose rules for your son with consequences for breaking them, so that bad behaviour is strongly discouraged. Consistancy is vital, so same rules when you are at home and when nanny is caring for him.

Hope it does get better for you. Hope your nanny doesn't leave... but don't rule out the possibility - do talk with your nanny at regular times to make sure they are still happy to work for you... and offer incentives to make them happier if it will help!

nannynick-have done all that you suggest. before she started work for me I told her what sort of behaviour to expect after school-and exactly how I deal with it and how she is to deal with it too. Although ds is nowhere near as bad as the 7 year od you describe-his behaviour is irritating rather than aggressive-I am extremely clear with him about what is and is not tolerated and use time out, withdrawal of privileges and a reward system. Unfortunatley when he is over tired, he still has very little control over himself and acts up terribly!
Guess we will have to se how it goes-can always put ds in late room after school so that she doesn't have to deal with him!