Nanny problems

[Maria101]

I don't know whether it's me, or whether my nanny is taking the mickey. My daughter is 20 months. I work from home and run my own business. I explained all this to the nanny in our interview and how I needed somebody three mornings a week (9-2 usually) but would sometimes need more hours, sometimes less. She has another school-run type nanny job, plus a son, so she was happy with this arrangement. We ran into problems about six months ago because she kept bringing her son to work during the holidays without checking it was OK with me first. He was really loud and annoying and she'd spend my daughter's nap times playing/reading with him, instead of doing the usual nanny stuff like laundry/cooking. Plus she'd take my daughter to the park/zoo during naptimes to keep her son amused. I appreciated she needed to amuse him, but I felt I was paying for sole charge and not getting it, plus my daughter is very routine-y and sleeps better in her cot, whereas she catnaps in the car/pram.

Anyway, after we sorted things out, she started taking my daughter out for the whole five hours (or longer if she does a longer day). Meaning she doesn't spend any time at all in our house. They leave here at 9am for playgroup or similar, then she takes my daughter back to her house for play/lunch/nap, then drops her off here just before 2. This annoys me for several reasons: my daughter spends more time in the car than I'd like (my nanny lives 25 minutes drive away), she's not napping in her own cot but a travel cot, I want her to have playdates here and at friend's houses (I suggest this but it never happens) and during naptimes, my nanny is presumably doing her own housework or similar. Also, I make all my daughter's lunches. Again, if the nanny was here occasionally (especially during naptimes) she could make up batches of food (something my friend's nannies do) or make fresh meals.

The other big issue is my daughter's dummy. I only ever let her have it at naptimes/bedtime. I've told my nanny this, but twice I've caught my daughter with it during the day (if I go out for the day, the nanny stays here and I've come home earlier than expected). There's always an excuse, but my gut instinct tells me she gives it to my daughter more than she lets on because she's easier to handle with a dummy. Her speech is a little behind her friend's, yet after a weekend with me she'll be saying loads of new words. I've asked my nanny to read to her and learn new words, but I'm not convinced she does and worries she uses the dummy too much.

I've tried talking to her but she always has an excuse or she'll agree with me then nothing changes. The chemistry just isn't there anymore - I don't trust her (nothing sinister, I just mean about the dummy etc) and I don't think she's making as much effort with my daughter as she could.

Am I being overly precious/paranoid? Or should I listen to my gut instincts and find other childcare?

Find someone else.

Yes, new nanny required - i think there's too many things wrong to sort out.
Good luck x

Get rid.

One thing you should be aware of though is that it's fairly normal for nannies with WAHM parents to try and be out of the house - not necessarily for naps but certainly for awake times - partly because you're always worried about disturbing the parent and partly because it's a bit inhibiting for some people to have another adult around.

then she takes my daughter back to her house for play/lunch/nap,

This is a potential legal problem. A nanny is not a nanny if they are caring for a child from their own home. They could fall under Childminder registration requirements (I am assuming you are in England. If you are in some other place, please state location). Check your local childcare legislation.

Listen to your gut instincts. If things can be resolved so that you are happy then you continue. If your nanny ignores what you want them to do, then it's not going to work out well.

Nothing wrong with going out for large parts of the day in my view... I've been doing that recently and families who have employed me over the years know that I am an out-and-about nanny. I don't like being stuck indoors all the time, even a short walk every day is better than none. However, you are the employer and you get to decide what you want your nanny to do.

Trust has broken down. Is it repairable, or do you need a replacement? Is it time to give notice?

How long has she been employed by you? If she did leave... what would you do for childcare?

Nanny bringing own child without agreement
And as nannynick says, working from her own home makes her a childminder, not a nanny.

you're not happy. Give notice and get rid.. You'll be more prepared next time.

Oooh it sounds to me like she may be taking the mickey because you have explained the changes you'd like her to make and, as you say, she agrees and then nothing changes. It sounds like she is continually testing the boundaries and that doesn't bode well for a good relationship.

It is worth remembering that nannies are entitled to some breaks where that can relax as they choose, but in my experience (both as a nanny and a head-hunter), most nannies like to keep busy during nap times by tidying up, organising the playroom etc.

I was shocked to read that she arrived at work with her son without asking first and also that she is taking your daughter back to her house. In my opinion this is totally unacceptable and an experienced nanny (who was worth their salt) wouldn't even think to do this.

Of course her main priority should be your daughters? well-being and development! Follow your mummy instinct - it's always right!

Good luck :)

I agree. Get rid I am afraid.