Decided that an au pair is the solution to my childcare please give me the low down...

[clutteredup]

.. good bad plus minus good places to find good au pairs where not to look etc.

Does this sound OK ?
We have an old house with 2 ensuites and no 'family' bathroom - DCs guests usually use 2nd ensuite so au pair could have en suite room and we'd share our bathroom with the DC and guests - not perfect but quite manageable, DC have a separate toilet by their bedroom. Room is big enough to have bed wardrobe bedside table and shelves- can put a TV in aswell.

Have 3 DC all school age so need help first thing to do school run (walking distance) and after school till I get home. Rest of time ,weekends and school holidays I'll be at home. What else could I expect her to do - tidying hoovering DCs rooms/ toilet / washing/ ironing - or would that be extra? If one of the DCs were poorly would I be able to leave them at home with her? What's the going rate in the south west? What other costs apart from extra food?

We live in a village but walking distance to small town and good buses trains to larger towns cities nearby to go out. There are likely to be other au pairs around but not sure where to find out where they are to help with finding friends - what would you normally do?

Sorry its a lot to ask but I'm completely clueless so just need some advice from people who have au pairs to find out what it's really like. DH reckons it would be annoying having someone in the house but seeing as I need help and he's not around to help most of the time and doesn't help with that bit anyway I'm not exactly sure of the alternatives - this way I'd be able to get myself ready for work like he does without having to sort the DC out too. I'd be leaving too early for a CM and if I found one that would take them I'd have to get the DC up really early to get them to one before I left for work - DH often abroad so I couldn't get him to do the drop off.

All advice very much gratefully received - thank you.

she doesn't clean bathrooms and doesn't do ironing. I never asked about bathrooms - when it comes to ironing she said from the first day, she hates it and she would rather cook dinner for us than do ironing. I was fine with this.

I have used au pair world in the past as it is cheap, you just have to do all the lrg work yourself, which I preferred, as I would rather trust my own judgement than somebody elses.

Our first (french) au pair was great, very eager and attentive and friendly, did everything we asked and we are still in touch 3 years later.

no 2 disappeared after 3 days . I think she was very home sick and spoke much less (no) English than she had let on.

no 3 (Canadian) Wanted nothing more than a cheap holiday, invited her friends over and buggered off to travel Europe after 6 weeks. Spent all her free time out drinking and sleeping with boys (not in our house obviously).

i gave up after that

Virtual, the issue regarding bathroom is that it is ensuite. If the aupair doesn't have it for herself, she'll have people walking into her room, which I don't think it is acceptable.

I always used Greataupair or Aupair world, and it worked out ok. I like German aupairs because they tend to be used to cycling, so they are not worried about living a bit far from the station.

We used an Agency and found out they'd told our au-pair to lie about how long she wished to stay (we'd said minimum of 6 months, she only wanted to stay 3), and they'd exagerated her ability to speak English. After that we used au-pair world website, with much greater success.

6 au-pairs later, I'd say really drill them during the interview. We've had some arrive clueless, but with a good attitude and willingness to learn, so it turned out great. We've had others arrive who had clearly had to do loads at home, and hit the ground running. The one thing that really matters is they love kids, enjoy them, know how to play with them etc... Cleaning, basic cooking, laundry and so on is pretty easy to pick up if they are willing.

Currently must confess to new au-pair nightmare though. We have someone who had a great attitude in the interview, but having arrived can't be bothered to deal with the kids at all and just plonks them in front of the TV or i-pad. All she wants to do is go out to pubs and clubs now she's in a big city (including on her own) and often stays out all night. If you find you get someone who clearly isn't going to work, do deal with it strait away, don't keep hoping.

We're in London and pay £100 per week for an au-pair plus arrangement. They do 40 hours per week, but I'm at home too so they're working as a team rather than having sole responsibility. We have DS1 aged 3.6 who has some special needs and DS2 aged 2 who doesn't have SN. We train au-pairs up to help with speech therapy etc, but they don't have to do any house work or laundry. Just childcare and a few basic kids meals. They have a huge room and bathroom on a seperate floor. This works for us as it means in the evenings they generally want to go to their room and DH and I get some time alone. We take our au-pair on holidays too, which they enjoy as they get to see someother bits of Europe and DH and I get a bit of quality time alone.

If you would like a list of the kind of interview questions we use do PM me.

I don't think £100 a week for 40 hours is a fair rate. A normal range for an au pair in London is £70-85 for 25-30 hours, so you are paying £15-30 for an extra 10-15 hours - or £1.50-£3.00 per hour!

£140 is the minimum fair wage for these hours IMHO.

I've got to be honest I am totally shocked by the rates of pay being bandied about here.........

Even allowing for the fact that they are getting a package including accomodation I can't imagine how they would afford to go out clubbing, buy cigarettes or stay out all night!

£100 for a 40 week- that is simply indefensible......... a very cheap method of avoiding huge nursery and after-school club fees by the sound of things.

Our au-pairs are an extra set of hands in a house with a child with mild SN. I am a stay at home mum, but because one of our toddlers has some SN it is almost impossible to leave the house alone. It is not instead or nursery or after school club. It is not like a job, they are simply living with another family and being a hands on part of it.

Agencies felt this was the right sum. They get many other things in the package, and a floor of a house to themselves in central London. We've had au-pairs entire families come to stay and the au-pairs parents have all been happy with the arrangement too. Past au-pairs have all stayed in touch and regularly visit.

We had over 200 applicants last time we advertised and all details are spelt out very very carefully. Past au-pairs have had their friends come after them.

So please do not make flying accusations of exploitation. We are not forcing anyone to do anything or stay anywhere that they don't want to be. All have been on gap years and found it a great experience to learn English, an opportunity to live in a new country and a wonderful way to take the first steps to living away from home. You might not want a gap year au-pair who is only 18 for some situations, but for ours it works very well.

Despite everything you say, I still don't think £100 a week for 40 hours is a fair rate.

It is normal to provide a mobile phone with a sensible amount of credit on it each month and if you are in central London it is normal to provide an Oyster card, so neither of those can be counted as additional benefits. Perhaps you provide other things, or more paid holiday than the 28 days statutory minimum?

I think we'll have to agree that we all do what works for our situations, including the au-pairs. Different au-pairs want different things out of their stay, different families want different things of au-pairs. Our au-pairs are happy, we're happy and the agency we used was happy. I don't see the problem here.

And, to answer your question, they do get holidays, extra days off (for example, when friends or family come to visit), a guest room they can use, anything they want from the supermarket (toiletries, food, drinks, dvds etc.), all their meals with us, we teach them to cook if they want, let them choose some of the dinners each week, they come out to restaurants etc with us when we go as a family, we take them with us on trips away, take them on sightseeing trips, and on things like birthdays do a big outing where they choose a west end show and restaurant. We treat them exactly as I would a young cousin coming from a far off part as part of their gap year travels.

I guess it really isn't a typical au-pair situation where they're alone most of the day while the parents are at work and then have sole responsibility for the children for specific times like pre and after school. It's all carefully explained during interviews. We ask all au-pairs to speak to past au-pairs before making any decision about coming to us so they know exactly what to expect. They do not come not knowing what they're going in to - that wouldn't work for anyone.

Another important point has struck me since getting into what feels like a slight squabble above?! Anyway, the point is people don't become an au-pair for the money, they do it for an experience. Yes they need enough pocket money to have a good time with friends, but beyond that what matters is how the host family treat them. They are very very different to a nanny or childminder. They are a family member, not an employee. This can be difficult for some host families who find it hard to embrace someone who may be quite different into their lives and homes, and accept them for who they are, but this is essential for success.

Actually they are (like) a family member, and an employee. I therefore believe it is right both to treat them as you would wish a young member of your own family to be treated, and to pay them a fair wage.

A normal range for an au pair in London is £70-85 for 25-30 hours, so you are paying £15-30 for an extra 10-15 hours - or £1.50-£3.00 per hour!

£70 for 25 hours works out at £2.8 per hour
£70 for 30 hours works out at £2.3 per hour
£85 for 30 hours works out at £2.8 per hour
£100 for 40 hours works out at £2.5 per hour

Our au-pairs agree to this, it's not illegal, they're happy. I could post quotes from leaving cards etc that emphasise this. Many au-pairs even happily hang around with us during weekends, which ends up with them doing the same role as they do during the week - being an extra set of hands - out of choice.

Why am I starting to feel very brow beaten here?

cjn that sounds like a FAB package for any 18 year old!!

Not at all intending to make you feel browbeaten cjn- am just truly astonished at these rates. And yes probably still a long way from being convinced that the above could be termed a great package even allowing for accomodation being thrown in.

I'm just considering the sole charge of children pre and post school times and thinking that any other arrangement would cost you far dearer. I also wonder what kind of fees the agencies earn off the back of this???

£2.50 per hour in London when a single bus journey costs £2.30 seems just wrong to me sorry. I don't think that referring to them as a family member really cuts the mustard here at all.

Sorry maple maybe I'm missing something here...... maybe if an au pair was paid a reasonable rate they wouldn't need "pocket money"?

And treats? FGS

This is basically a live-in nanny with a few perks on the cheap. Have got no issue with that at all- if it works for you and an au pair is accepting, then that's great.

What is impossible to swallow is the sentiment in this thread that these young au pairs are "part of the family" and being given an "opportunity to discover London" and that these rates are anything but pitifully poor.

Really don't want to get into a slanging match abot this at all- I was genuinely interested to hear of these arrangements, just not sure I could reconciile this type of arrangement in my home, just would not sit well with me at all....and I suppose aside from finance, I would want some solid method of reference checking. I guess CRB checks are pretty useless as these au pairs tend to come from overseas?

No not for me- but if it suits your requirements great.

If CJN is really there all the time, and the au pair is included in all of those activities, I don't think this arrangement is necessarily exploitative. It would be different - of course - if this were a sole charge role.

Doubleespresso - have you had an au pair before? I think until you do and see how much support they really require and how much they are a part of your family life it's hard to describe the 'cost' this represents to the family and the 'value' that accrues to the au pair.

There is an equation there that doesn't come down to just whether it's equal to minimum wage for the hours they work and what they'd have to pay for accommodation. For some people CJN's arrnagement wouldn't work, for other people it clearly does.

Having an au pair in the house helping is quite like having an intern at work that you have to manage AND do all your work at the same time. It is NOT like having a professional nanny who is doing it on the cheap, there is much more input involved than that (for most people anyway.)

I think when discussing remuneration it is important to consider the package and it's value but I think the package should be taken from a typical 25-30 hours for roughly £75 plus 'part of the family'. Anything above that should be paid at a fair rate, which IMO is min wage for theor age for those hours.

And they are very definitely an employee with all the rights and responsibilities that implies.

I agree that's a good way to think about it.

Its

Darn phone.

But if they haven't been in the UK it's pointless.... I've never comitted a crime in many countries precisely because I've never lived there.

And no I am not a hardened criminal in the countries I have lived in

maples -I see thanks- that's good to know I guess- have you any idea how that works and how our UK crb get info on those from overseas?

I also agree with Fraktal that an au pair is most definitely an employee before anything else.

LadyHarriet - I hate to say it- but "you get what you pay for" don't you think? I'd quite agree on the hours worked thing, just not seeing in this threa any pay arrangements proportionate to the responsibilities these au pairs have with or without the accomodation.

Anyway- on the subject of resonsibilities I am off (in the pesky rain) to cheer DS on in a charity football match. Think I'll be in wellies and armed with coffee!

Thanks ladies- quite an eyeopener this thread.

We've had a few au pairs. Current one is absolutely lovely - we really landed on our feet with her. I've used both agencies and gumtree and found gumtree to be best, given that the individuals are usually in London and available for interview, whereas agencies tend to give you a profile of the person and then they turn up from their home country, move in and you have to hope for the best, having never met them before.

I think you need to figure out what the most important factors for you are. For me, I want someone that is happy to be with the children, someone with a nice personality and who likes to go out, socialise and muck in when necessary. Things like cleaning and ironing aren't so important to me, as I can do bits and pieces myself or get a separate cleaner if necessary.

We pay our au pair £90 per week - she has her own double room with walk in closet, her own bathroom, Wifi, cable TV in her room, money towards transport and all food etc. She has paid holiday. Generally, her main duties are being around after school - DH and I are able to take kids to school on the way to work.

I'm fairly laid back and have no problems with our au pair having her friends over, or going clubbing etc. She's only 10 years younger than me so it's like having a sister around. She enjoys watching the same TV shows and DD and I (bonus!) and gets on really well with us. I thank my lucky stars that we found her!